Orange Race Card Angels: Metal Wood Fire

Orange Race Card Angels: Metal Wood Fire
Author Christo Strom

April 17th 2010

In a Great Pumpkin Letter first, the format for today's Great Pumpkin Letter
is going to be to promote the Grand Opening of an offline business

Starting on January 4th 2011,

ORANGE RACE CARD ANGELS

is going to be a major player in the TWIN CITIES MINNESOTA.

Metal Wood Fire is one of the twelve slogans that will be in place
by 1/4/11. Much explanations will be forthcoming in the next eight to
nine months so please Subscribe to my video channels to stay abreast
of all the happenings coming your way.

Respectfully in TRUTH

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

P.S. ( that's Pumpkin Script:) Stay Tuned Everyone, the National Debt
Clock is still ticking. Do you hear what it is saying to you?

Death ,Taxes and Frank Kern

April 15th 2010
Author Christo Strom

We interrupt the Alice Cooper Great Pumpkin Letter series until at least August 1st 2010
on the account that Chief Crazy Captain Christo is going into turbo mode. That literally
means that he is turbo charging his online presence to include videos and an offline business.
The offline business which is run in Minnesota has a grand opening of January 4th 2011
The name of it is ORANGE RACE CARD ANGELS and it will be one of four hugely successful
startups that will be the envy of the world. What? ( Rob Zombie's song thumpin in the background
at Chief Crazy Captain Christo's many hideaways!) Don't believe me yet. Too Bad cause what other business do you know that is going to successfully eliminate the National Debt? Yeah that's right,
there isn't any.
So here it is the FRANK KERN DEATH TAXES GREAT PUMPKIN LETTER

Death Taxes and Frank Kern: Witch do you Prefer

Chief Crazy Captain Christo tackles the problem of Internet Marketers lack of

RESPECT. It came across the Mid-West area called the Midwest one particular sunny summer

day. Little did Frank Kern know but Chief Crazy Captain Christo does not take rejection very well. In fact, rejection is not in his vocabulary unless of course he is playing a GAME of basketball against Michael Jordan. You be the judge who would be rejected!

Back to the story, here goes the commentary floating on the Internet's Super slow mo- dial up.

It came back rejected. Try Again. Connect with SOL ( Slick Orange Lines) known to musicians as Slinky Online Licks or Guitar Strings for the functionally illiterate. Any who, Chief Crazy Captain Christo got a rejection letter from none other than Frank Kern's secretary. Wow! What a tremendous feeling! Like a barbed wire whipping post at Golgotha if you know what I mean. After meticulously trying to set Frank up and over deliver, the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo thought to himself,

“ You know, maybe Frank didn't quite get the gist of it. He probably thought I was trying to bring Mass Control to it's knees but quite the opposite really!”

Oh well! Not a problem, unlike Al Gore and Tony Robbins, I actually like Frank so here goes the message on MASS “I HAVE” CONTROL (author's note: to be read massive control!) . We interrupt the alleged conversation as it actually will take place in the year 2010 plus two.

C.C.C.Christo-” Hey Frank whazzzz up? Glad to see you escaped from Al Gore and Tony Robbins. What a couple of hack and wheezer geezers ey?”

F. RAKER ( Frank Kern's nickname for Raking in the Bucks) -” Yeah man, thanks for the heads up. I didn't realize how much Tony's clients were swearing till it all came to a head one day.”

C.C.C.Christo-” By the way Frank, I really appreciate the fact that you took the time out to mail me the rejection postcard. It showed you cared enough to acknowledge a pre-customer. As you know, I don't take rejection lightly. I learned that from Gwen Stefani from No Doubt. I got her to start her own film company called PenGwen Island. We deal only with air brush artists and models who aren't afraid to push the envelope if you know what I mean. Great musician that Gwen!

F.RAKER- “ How the hell did you get Gwen to do it?”

C.C.C.Christo-” Are you kidding me? I told her about it and she instantly was gyrating dollar signs. Her husband actually thanked me and said , “What would you like on your Tombstone?” I told him, Keep it simply stupid, mayaz!” Have you ever seen a rock star spray milk out of his nose?”

F.RAKER-” Wow I gotta right that one down! That's flippin awesome. Hey I gotta go Chief, you know an Internet Marketer gets no respect”

C.C.C.Christo- “ Hey Frank , I'd like to tell you a story about jumping ahead and avoiding the agony of defeat. I'm going to use some Native American imagery so bear with me hear. I'll type slowly because some of your readers may be a little slow to catch on. Ready Frank, this one story is about Bean's Jump. Long time ago when engineers were men and did not stare at goats, a young man decided to be the leader of men who were building a ski jump. The ski jump was a mighty ski jump. One that you had to take an elevator to the top. When you got off the elevator you had to climb some stairs to reach the tip top. When you arrived at the final destination, you could Ventura Highway a 360 degree panoramic view of Michigan and Canada. Now I don't know about you but as a kid I remember watching ABC Wild World of Sports and the announcer Jim McKay would say those immortal words, ...” and the agony of defeat” picturing the skier falling off the ski jump. Remember Frank?

At the bottom of the ski jump in Michigan is a plaque that names who built the jump. That is my grandfather and his nickname was 'BEAN' Thanks Frank for reminding me to have fun!

Go make a video Frank and let me know you understand that the respect you cherish is within yours and everyone's reach without the agony of defeat. Unless you are friends with Tellman Knudson, then I guess the agony of the feet is acceptable. “

This has been another installment of The Great Pumpkin Letters. Stay Tuned! Pumpkin Island Studios ( not a Redneck, but Orange and Green!)

Alice Cooper 2010 : Midnight Frankenstein ( Part 2 of 6)

April Fifth 2010 Happy Birthday JC
Author Christo Strom

Alice Cooper 2010: Midnight Frankenstein ( Part 2 of 6)

In a miraculous comeback from the jaws of Death, Chief
Crazy Captain Christo is throwing in a curveball. You see
the title of this post is the most important title Alice Cooper
and Rob Zombie will ever see in their lifetime. I will explain
it like this. I put this post in so I can come back and finish it
at a later date. It has very significant ramifications for timing.
I made a promise to a five year old boy around nine years ago and I
intend to keep my promise. Remember this NINE!

Respectfully in TRUTH,

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

P.S. ( that's Pumpkin Script!) I will be going back to
Alice in Blunderland to finish parts 2-6. I am just using a
ploy called FORE SHADOWING ( not a golfers term but it could be!)

Ron “Pigpen” McKernan: Pigpen's Pig's Kins

March 21st 2010
Barbecue Season - Let's Get Smokey! On the Grill! Marks, sets Go(::)
Author Christo Strom

Dedicated to my bro David and his family!

Ron “Pigpen” McKernan: Pigpen's Pig's Kins: Excerpt from the Great Pumpkin Letters

This is an actual copy of a letter that was burned in a fire that was never started

It is from Chief Crazy Captain Christo to R.P.M ( to be read only at a night time barbecue).

For those of you who don't know ,without Pigpen , there would be no Grateful Dead.

Or it would have been a ship without a Captain.

When Chief Crazy Captain Christo meets back up with Pigpen

Hey R.P.M.,

I never got to tell you how much I loved your band.

Well, Pigpen I am writing this with tears in my eyes.

I might need Linus' blanket to cover my red eyes so you can't see.

Oh what the Hell, I don't care let the whole world know that

my Tears are for Pig's in a Blanket.

Tell Loose Lucy that Cosmic Charlie is heading for the endzone

and Schroeder is now delivering Milk for a living Yep Milky Way

as I like to tease him.

Seriously, Pig I have one request for the man upstairs cause I know

You must be there. Tell him I know I have made my mistakes,

and my final request of a prayer would be this:

The only way I am going anywhere is to get this party started.

Meet me down in Omaha, Nebraska sometime in the future. You

will recognize me by a strange and magnificent smoke. I will be

surrounded by Twelve Webbers, Eleven Chefs and I will be organizing

my own Band. You should be able to see my One Man band with me playing

a DIME(Electric Razorback Explosion) store guitar rockin on a Half Pipe

skateboard ramp jammin out songs from the past as well as new un-re-hear-sed

tunes that have yet to be named.

Hope you can tell that I'm getting amped for the show down in O,NE.

Respectfully in Truth,

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

P.S. When I do meet back up with you Pig, if you don't mind bringing three

shots and shot glasses with you we'll recite the 23^rd Psalm in the Valley of the

Shadows. Then and only then can I say “ Yup, Good Grief the Gangs All Here”

I don't know exactly when I will be there but tell ol FUMble Fingers that

I could use a little of da Vine intermission. Thanks a lot. Oh and One last thing

Pigpen before I go. What would you like for dessert? I'm working man on an

animal cracker whipped cream ala mode with the name Pig's Delight. What do

you think? Might as well cross that off my two DO lew list. Lightnin Smokestacks

gonna be my name....2019, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13,...

This has been another abbreviated installment from The Great Pumpkin Letters

;

United States Congress 2010: An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

March 11th 2010
Author Christo Strom

This next blog post is a re-issue from 2009. Used with full permission
and full on the meaning will be clear. The other site that this was posted
on was over at a great Article Marketing site called
SOOPER ARTICLES. You can find it by clicking and searching for
Author Christo Strom. At the end of today's post please be sure
to read the P.S. S. ( Pumpkin Script Salutation!)

U.S. CONGRESS: FORT YOU AND YOUR A.I.G: An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo woke up on Halloween 2009 in Minnesota and declared that the United States Congress needs a good ass whoopin. So without sparing the rod, here comes their A.I.G on a silver platter. America, get ready for THE TRUTH TO BE TOLD. Without further ado I give you the letter to wake up a snoring elected mass of idiots. You've all been asleep and you would not believe me.

Dear John F. of Patmos,

Randy Moss is playing well for your beloved Patriots. Meanwhile back at the ranch, your brethren in Congress are busy flopping like crappie on the deck of a ship. Oh well, this CAPTAIN will sweep them overboard and they will find out that Noah's Rage still lives. They have a health plan that is like 4 trillion words long and would take a super computer about one light year to read so I have pretty much written them off as hmm how to put this mildly; a scattered bunch of overpaid windbags that couldn't save a sinking ship if their life depended on it. If I could get real for a minute with you John, my faithful servant, I just would like to tell you how much I still appreciate the work you did. Yeah, besides the Moonshine days, I still love ya. I do have a favor to ask of you though John, so please listen closely. Your brother Ted recently passed as well as Patrick, Michael and Farrah. Welcome your brothers and sisters home. Tell Big J that Chief Crazy Captain Christo has been receiving the message of Faith Hope and Love earnestly and has declared that Omaha Nebraska would be a great place to start building something of TRUE VALUE. I will need some help with the final design and implementation of this building project. Tell Big J that the little girl will get her THEA-TREE HOUSE and I will not waver or faulter on my mission. Please clear a path for me and keep me safe ok? Hope this letter finds you in GOOD HEALTH.

Now John, please tell Big J that I will handle Congress with my own A.I.G. Plan. Let me try it out on you first and you can let me know what you think alrighty then, here goes nothing:

ATTENTION: UNITED STATES CONGRESS 2009

SEEK SHELTER

SEEK SHELTER FROM ( and now this is---)

KEY

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

That is all I have written so far John what do you think? Do you think the overpaid windbags on Capitol Hill can read a simple yet straightforward message. Yeah I didn't think so either. They would probably debate for three years on what I was trying to say. Oh well, I think I'll go now. I hear the doorbell and the trick or treaters are here. Hey do you guys celebrate Halloween up there John. It is probably my favorite holiday besides let's see Thansksgiving, Independence Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Presidents Day, Canada Boxing Day, Valentines Day, Boss Day, Secretary's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, National Crazy Horse Day, Easter, Super Bowl 44 2010, let's see did I leave any holiday out? Whoap gotta go, the trick or treaters are here. Oh wow there's an Obama Thriller costume, a Scary Spice girl and hey it looks like a ghost with twelve holes cut in the costume. Hey it's the REAL Charlie Brown, way to go Brownie here have a rock. Thanks for staying in tune with me John. Now if you wouldn't mind telling Pigpen and Jim Morrision that yes I haven't forgot ten their tunes either. I got big plans for the future if I can just get past 2012. Say a prayer John!

Later Prez, and as always Respectfully in Truth,

The O-Range Blob of Light(ning),

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

P.S. ( Pumpkin Script) Give Thanks and Praise America the Beautiful!!!!!!!

P.S.S. ( Pumpkin Script Salutation) Since it is now 2010, I thought I would

add a GET READY for Americans to witness the sheer power of

what CHIEF CRAZY CAPTAIN CHRISTO has in store.

Can you say " JAW DROPPING AWESOMENESS"

Stay tuned and Congress 2010 - Omaha Nebraska Click Here

Sarah Palin: Sarah's Palindrome-An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

March Ninth 2010
Author Christo Strom

This is a reprint from an article I had published at
SOOPER ARTICLES. It will be part of the Foreword
of a series of letters that are now being called
THE GREAT PUMPKIN LETTERS.
Since I wrote this last year, Sarah Palin has written
a book, resigned as Governor of Alaska and is busy
making speeches like at The Tea Party convention
in Tennessee. I still think she should introduce me
someday and perhaps go one on one with me
Chief Crazy Captain Christo, in a bball game.
What say you Mrs. Palin. Are you up for a game?

Here is the Pumpkin Letter Enjoy!

Sarah Palin: Sarah's Palindrome- An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo became intrigued with Sarah Palin long before she lost her last name of Heath. You could say their paths have been intertwined as far back as 1982 and yet they have never met. Until the year 2010 came along. Let's just unwind the clock back to 2008 and the meteoric rise that is known as “ Sarah's Smile”( Author's note: Smile is to be construed as : St. Paul's meteorepublican in Limelight xcel energy) .

It was 2008 and the media attention on both the Democratic and Republican National Conventions was business as usual. It seems Denver had a relativley mild convention compared to the Ruckus known as the RNC in St. Paul. With protesters and mudslingers hiding in the open streets of St. Paul, Chief Crazy Captain Christo thought it more appropriate to learn some tunes on the guitar. After playing the old beast till his fingers bled, the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo heard the thunderous roar of a crowd cheering for someone he had never heard of before. Who is Sarah Palin and wow! Instant hook line and sinker! The wheels of his mind went into turbo charge mode and he said,” She's going to introduce ME someday.”

Chief Crazy Captain Christo darted off to his secluded hide a way and within minutes he drew up a map and then drew up the plans for the speech that Mrs. Palindrome would deliver in O-O-O-MAHA.

You see Sarah Palin deserves better treatment and C.C.C.Christo knows how to deliver. Fast forward to the year 2009 and pay close attention. In just two hours after her meeting with Paul Teutul,Sr. from

Orange County Choppers, Sarah Palin was visited by Chief Crazy Captain Christo. Bathed in an Orange Blob of Light, Sarah was FRIGHTENED. The Light spoke to Sarah like this: ( Author's note: for this conversation Sarah Palin is shown as SAPA, ryhmes with ZAPPA.

O-Range Blob of Light- “ I have seen your work and it is GOOD! Meet me in Omaha on July 9^th 2010 and we shall discuss plans for building a BRIDGE-O.”

SAPA:” HO NO! Not me buddy! I'm done with the Bridge to Nowhere jokes and such. I've got other plans with my life. Count me out! Hey who are you and how did you get past Todd?

O-Range Blob of Light- “ I souped up his Arctic Cat and he's off racing around Alaska! “

SAPA- “ Great! Well you know what they say when the Cat's a way. What can I do you for? What's your name and what's with the Orange glowing light you are shining?

O-Range Blob of Light-” My name is Chief Crazy Captain Christo and the Orange light you are seeing is just Moons over Miami. I shine this light when I feel a big win coming at the Super Bowl.”

SAPA-” Oh yeah well I would have thought it was for a basketball game. Did you know I used to play ball up here in Alaska? State champs in 82 Baby!~”

O-Range Blob of Light-” ...errr uhhh yeahhh! That is kind of why I am up here. You see, there is a little girl who will never have the opportunity you did Sarah. If I could have your support in this important matter, you could be the Hero once again. I need your influence and charisma to channel the right people to get involved. I have designed a 7.200 seat, handicapped accessible arena. I call it a “ Thea-Tree House” but it is way more than that. I am going to unveil the plans in 2010 and would really appreciate it if you could lend your support. It is kind of elaborate and will cost a pretty penny. I am kind of short on time to explain it but do you understand where I am coming from?”

SAPA-” Let me get this straight. You want me to bring the big money supporters together for a Thea Tree House” For a little girl? 7,200 seat ...... Count me in! Hey Chief Crazy Captain Christo, what about the title of this letter. Where's the Palindrome?”

O-Range Blob of Light-” Even though that would be an excellent name for the Thea Tree House, your Palindrome Sarah is “ ReppeR” It is pronounced with rolling your tongue at the first and last R's. Whoa look at the time. I gotta go vroom now so . Sorry to RUSH IN on ya but time is a valuable commodity.”

And out the door he went. Leaving only a hint of what is to come, Chief Crazy Captain Christo smiled and said,

“ I wonder if Sharon Osbourne would help as well!”

Stay tuned for more releases of The Great Pumpkin Letters!

Senator Al Franken: An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

March Eighth 2010
Author Christo Strom

This next blog post was reprinted with permission from The Author
( Hey That's me!!) It was originally posted on an article marketing site
SOOPER ARTICLES

Before I begin, I would just like to say to all in Public Office, you are
under oath and if I catch you in a lie, it would be best to resign because
I am Chief Crazy Captain Christo and I am THE TRUTH.

One last thing, there is an ELEPHANT in America and it aint Republican.
There is an ASS in America and it aint Democratic Donkey.
Pay attention to THE TRUTH and you will never go wrong again!

Ok with that being said on with the reprint of Senator AL Franken
D.-MN

This a copy of an actual letter from The Great Pumpkin Letters. The author states that he wishes it to become reality by Christmas 2009, with the actual game to be played in October 2010. Please read this with a sense of urgency and a sense of humor. The actual game will be organized around Jan 1 2010 to July 9^th 2010.

SENATOR AL FRANKEN D.MN: Read this to your Senator Friends and Read it backwards to Bob Weir:) Dear ALL, ( sorry the L on my keyboard got stuck)

My name is The Great Pumpkin and I am on a mission. Chief Crazy Captain Christo is a character in a screen play based on the greatest character ever created by one of St. Paul's finest, Charles Schultz.

“ When the Chief gets Crazy” is Chief Crazy Captain Christo's calling card or in layman's term his call to action.

The reason I am writing to you Mister Senator Al Franken is this: Hey I know you are going to be in Minnesota on October 3^rd and I may even show up to show my support for Rebecca Otto , State Auditor or in my case as a line from Ramble on Rose:

“ Just like Crazy Otto...” ,

But Al pay attention here. I am going to make you and Rebecca Otto earn my support. Quite Frankly, I am tired of seeing or hearing about Billions of dollars going to Insurance Companies. “When the Chief Gets Crazy”! Now I was going to give around one hundred dollars to the cause you are attending but whatever, right Al? I'll up the ante to a whopping three hundred dollars if you will answer three questions for me. ( Authors note: Here is where you have to use your imagination and imagine Chief Crazy Captain Christo interviewing Senator Al Franken in person)

C.C.C.Christo- Ok Al , I'll set the ground rules: Every question I ask you must answer back

using the words “ That would be....” For example, if I asked you the question what song did the Grateful Dead play on Saturday Night Live where Bob Weir was wearing Rabbit Ears, you answer me with the words ,” That would be... Casey Jones” Got it Al?

Sen. Franken nods his head and grins and grimaces at the same time. That is hard to do!

C.C.C.Christo- Ok Al ,and lastly, each answer after you state “That would be” is a one word answer. So each word is worth one hundred dollars. Casey Jones was just to throw you off track! Ok, here we go. First question: What character did John Belushi hate to play on Saturday Night Live. Remember Al to only use one word and the word has to be singular.

Sen Franken-” That would be Bee”

C.C.C.Christo- “Excellent Al. One hundred dollars to the Good Senator from Minnesota. Ok , next question: What answer did Jerry Garcia give to a punch line to one of his jokes on youtube? This is a little tougher than the last one and remember Al it has to be singular.

Sen Franken- “That would be Bee.”

C.C.C.Christo-”Wow! Two hundred dollars so far Al. Ok, last question: This is for all the marbles so I won't keep you In the Dark any longer. Here is The three hundred dollar question- “ If Americans had their choice, which choice would they eliminate between these two sayings :

I want to own the American Dream

I want to rent the American Dream

Remember Al, it has to be a one word answer,

Sen. Franken, laughing hysterically because he knows the answer replies,

“ That would be RENT”

So in conclusion Chief Crazy Captain Christo and Senator Al Franken shared a good laugh, listened to WE CAN RUN by BEE BEE RENT and Senator Al Franken agreed to use the three hundred dollars to buy one top of the line leather basketball to give to the Obama children at Christmas time. Next up in Chief Crazy Captain Christo's sight is Governor Tim Pawlenty R.MN. Stay tuned

RESPECTFULLY IN TRUTH

CHIEF CRAZY CAPTAIN CHRISTO

P.S. ( that's Pumpkin Script) Since Al Franken was helping the Sandbaggers up north, March 7th 2010
I will be doing something special for Senator Al Franken. Only because it would be the
right thing to do. Thank you Al Franken.

Ivanka Trump: A Damn Ivanka-Great Pumpkin Letters

March 6th 2010
THREE SIX ( No Coin SA Dents allowed!)

Author Christo Strom

aka
Chief Crazy Captain Christo
O-Range Blob of Light
Munko Christo
and tons of other goofy characters
Pay attention

This next excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters was originally posted on an
article marketing site ( Soopper Articles dot com!). So it is being reproduced
with complete cooperation from the author. Oh hey that's me Christo Strom!
Enjoy and lastly IVANKA TRUMP I will raise the anchor for you!

Respectfully in Truth,

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

Ok here it is

In this shortened version of The Great Pumpkin Letters, Chief Crazy Captain Christo is confident he will be able to persuade Ivanka Trump to agree to a business proposal. After all, it is not everyday that you are asked to help create a tree house, with said opening of the tree house in the shape of a carved out pumpkin. We interrupt this letter as Chief Crazy Captain Christo musters up the courage of ten Daniels in the Lion's Den. The letter to Ivanka begins:
Where to begin Ivanka? How about from the heart of Chief Crazy Captain Christo to you Ivanka. This is a magical letter with great powers if you know how to read between the lions. I have a business proposal for you from me. Business will blossom and this one will grow over the next 20-24 years to completion. I am looking for a strong business woman who would like to run my " MotherShip". This carries extreme responsibility that can only be described as " The Most Important Tree House Ever to Be Built." I have a guest list that I would like you Ivanka to peruse at your earliest convenience. You see, the guest list is private, and as you can
imagine, by invitation only.
(Author's note: Chief Crazy Captain Christo stopped writing and wondered aloud if Ivanka was going to keep her last name of Trump. You see The Donald's little princess is getting married to Jared Kushner) I would love to tell you all about the project in person, say July 9th 2010 down in Omaha Nebraska. I am trying to pull off a get together with Warren Buffett to help him honor Benjamin Graham. I asked Warren to prepare me a skateboard ramp with three feet of vertical half pipe, with a Dimebag Darrell Electric Razorback Explosiion guitar and an amplifier with a microphone. I am going to put on a show and I have a few surprises up my sleeve. I noticed on the Apprentice that you seemed to like Trace Adkins. I can't promise any of his tunes but I do have a huge respect for him and Country music. My tastes tend to lean more to hard
rock but I am flexible to all ranges of music. The project I would like for you to take charge of is for a little girl. I will fill you in on all the details when we first meet. Like I said before, " I am Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo and I have been guided to this land to meet up with you Ivanka. Of all the people on the Planet, the author of this huge undertaking has picked you
and there are no second or third choices. Just you Ivanka!!!!!!! I will give you time to think about it. Even if the event in Omaha never materializes, the project is still a go. Tell your future husband Jared or by the time you read this Mrs Ivanka Kushner, that he is invited to
participate as well. I don't travel in packs or have photographers hounding me. I walk with a confident swagger and can ice skate and play guitar backwards at the same time. I am a risk taker and I am risking nothing by asking you to take part Ivanka. I do not believe in failure. Please say you will meet with me. The window of opportunity for this project Ivanka is July 9th 2010 to July 9th 2012. After which if you have not agreed in principle, I will shed 31 tears in private and move on to finding someone who will see the magic in this Chief Crazy Captain Christo's HEART. Remember Ivanka, no one has ever seen The Great Pumpkin rise.
You will be given the power to make The Great Pumpkin visible to everyone!
In order for me to know you are serious, The Great One ( as the Great Pumpkin is so fond of reminding me:) has asked me to inform you that you are to go before The United States Congress in Washington D.C. And speak of what I have told you. Tell Congress that Chief Crazy Captain Christo has his own A.I.G. That will speak volumes to unbelievers! To say that there will be a lot of jaws dropping would be an understatement. So in conclusion what say you Ivanka? There's a little girl who is depending on you and me and anyone who wants to volunteer. Are you up to the challenge?
Respectfully in Truth,
Chief Crazy Captain Christo
P.S.( that's Pumpkin Script) Ivanka, tell your Dad that I would be interested in full disclosure of the Tree House with twelve to thirteen "limbs" attached. It would be easier to describe in person and show you some paintings of the actual place. But I want interactive feedback and to be honest a smile from you would be nice. That's it.

Now the Ball is firmly in your court IVANKA TRUMP!!!!!

Thea Andrews : Thea Tree House

Thea Andrews 2010: Thea Tree House -An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Author Christo Strom

Chief Crazy Captain Christo looked up in the sky and then looked at his calendar. Hmm, by the angle of the moon and with the Sun coming up any second now, he noticed it was March 2010. It

happens in threes he mumbled. To no one in particular. So the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo decided the day was drawing nearer. The DAY! It is just a day so remember it happens in threes.

Or in this case Thea Tres ( left one e out and you get a whole other meaning. If you catch my drift. Kind of like a snow drift without the snow. But this one will be a Show drift with a show. Pay attention my good readers!)

In this abbreviated version of The Great Pumpkin Letters, Chief Crazy Captain Christo is starting his real mission in life. You see he is nearing the end of his run on the planet and he wants to leave behind the LEGACY. What legacy you ask? If you have been following The Great Pumpkin Letters you might have noticed a few common threads running through the story. Believe it or not, these letters have been the part before the actual story is to begin. If I am writing this right, they have been the Foreword to the actual book. So without further ado, this is the last letter in the Foreword before the real story begins.

To set the scene up, Chief Crazy Captain Christo is in the process of transforming into The O-Range Blob of Light. Only this time, he is wearing the coolest Hockey mask ever created. To describe it would be like describing the Mona Lisa to a Garbage Collector. It wouldn't make any sense. So use your imagination and picture what the coolest hockey mask on Earth would be and then multiply by infinity. Ok got the picture in your mind. That is how cool it is! After his transformation was

complete, Chief Crazy Captain Christo remembered what Dimebag Darrell said in his eeery visitation.

“ Hey Black Tooth Grinner, I loved hockey!”. So he flew up to Canada to meet with none other than Thea Andrews.

For this shortened conversation, Thea Andrews is going by the name of ALTHEA ( which stands for America Loves Thea, and just coincidentally happens to be a song in the vast Grateful Dead song book)

Chief Crazy Captain Christo is going by the unusual and fascinating name of TYPE ( author's note: Ty Pennington, of Extreme Makeover hit TV show) Chief Crazy Captain Christo is hovering above Thea Andrews, who is a bit frightened but in a good mood, and is giving the performance of his life. So here it is, the conversation between ALTHEA and TYPE. Enjoy!

ALTHEA: “ Wowww! Honey, come quick. There's the coolest apparition I have ever seen. Hovering above me is this O-Range Blob of Light with the coolest hockey mask I have ever seen. I think he is trying to speak.”

TYPE ( authors's note: Chief Crazy Captain Christo can only act like Ty Pennington but sounds nothing like him! For real!): “ Thea Andrews, you have been selected to be the only person on THE PLANET

worthy enough for this building project. It has been tentatively named um how do I say this right. It has been tentatively named THEA TREE HOUSE. The project is extremely detailed and involves stuff that you see on my hit TV show Extreme Makeover......”

ALTHEA ( laughing hysterically): “ Woah, stop right there, hahahahaha, you aren't Ty Pennington. You don't sound anything like him. Who are you and what are you talking about a Thea Tree House. You know I have lawyers and anything with my name on it has to be pre-approved.”

TYPE:” Very well Thea, you caught me. My name is Chief Crazy Captain Christo and I am on a mission. It involves building a Thea Tree House for a little American girl who will need our help in the future. It is an extremely complicated building process but is extremely easy to explain. What I am asking you THEA ANDREWS is to accept the position of Entertainment Hostess for when we open up the doors to this place sometime in 2015 , earlier if I get extreme cooperation. The actual name of the place is being withheld for obvious reasons. Don't worry, it won't be named Thea Tree House cause I know all about lawyers and such. But I will say this THEA. You will kick yourself for the rest of your life if you don't come check this out. So I am asking on bended knee ( author's note: The O-Range Blob of Light with the coolest Hockey mask lowered himself down and was kneeling on both knees!)

Thea Andrews, will you please help me out and show up between the dates of July 9^th 2010 and July 9^th 2012. Down in Omaha Nebraska at a place to be determined by following along. Since I doubt you have been reading the Great Pumpkin Letters, I'll catch you up to speed. I only hang out in Minnesota, Nebraska and Colorado. Although my reputation takes me everywhere! Will you please help me out?”

ALTHEA: “ On one condition Chief Crazy Captain Christo”

TYPE: “ What's that Thea?”

ALTHEA: “ I will do my best to show up if you leave me the Hockey Mask”

All of a sudden there were earthquakes and lightning strikes and the sound of Thundering Tornados ripping through Thea Andrews home. This lasted for seven minutes. When it was over, Thea Andrews looked on the ground and there it was

ALTHEA: “ That was impressive Chief Crazy 'Captain Christo.” But he was no where to be found. He did as he was told and left Thea Andrews the coolest Hockey mask on the Planet. Stay tuned everyone. The foreword of The Great Pumpkin Letters is now complete. Next up the STORY you have all been waiting for. At least I bet Rob Zombie has been waiting for. The meeting of Chief Crazy Captain Christo and Alice Cooper! It is going to be a rip roaring spectacle when a professional shock rocker meets the amateur that well you'll just have to wait and see now won't you!

Zakk Wylde 2010: The Cry of the Wylde!!!

February 24th 2010
Author Christo Strom

This Great Pumpkin Letter goes out for Black Label Society fans,
band members, Barbaranne Wylde, and of course the Zakkster.
May you ROCK FOREVER EVERYONE!!!

Zakk Wylde 2010: Cry of the Wylde- An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo decided in 2009 that this would be the Year of The Great Pumpkin

2010. So all you sleigh riders and jingle bell jinglers can step aside this year. 2010 here we are and here we are going to rock. Without pissing off the Pope, I give you the most important Pumpkin Letter ever written ( to date there are a little over thirty if you are counting:). This is titled Cry of the Wylde but it could very well have been titled The Blessed P-RIDE. So without wasting any more time, let's rock!

Now to set this scene up, I am using Zakk Wylde's Orange and Black Buzzsaw guitar ( my personal favorite!) on a half pipe skateboard ramp with three feet of vertical and a brass slide. I am practicing my Off the lip into the fire hole dancing skateboard maneuver while trying to play the lead to Gary Rossington's FREE BIRD. It is actually hard to do and I have yet to pull this one off. For this conversation, Chief Crazy Captain Christo is disguised as The Blessed Orange Wood or BOW for you shorties out there. And Zakk Wylde is having his name changed to kWy. It is a bold move for Chief Crazy Captain Christo to call Zakk kWy but that is why he is the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo.

OK now on with the show. Enter Zakk Wylde

kWy: Hey Chief Crazy Captain Christo, you pissed off the Pope again!”

BOW: What?( Rob Zombie's song Thumpin in Chief Crazy Captain Christo's ear phones)

I can't here you Zakk.

kWy: I said you pissed off the Pope again! The Pope was pissed that you sided with Americans

and that Rome could go suck an egg! He wants an apology before midnight tonight or else he said he was going to send over the ROMAN candles that you sent him.”

BOW: The Pope says he wants me to apologize before midnight tonight? Hey Zakk what day is it today?”

kWy:” It's January 14^th , 2010”

BOW:” Let's see. What is so special about this day. Don't tell me Zakk let me guess.”

kWy: “ It's....”

But before Zakk could finish the sentence Chief Crazy Captain Christo blurted out

BOW: “ I know it was the day Ozzy pissed on the Alamo down in San Antonio which was kind of a freudian slip on Ozzy's part since Tony Iommi is mentioned in another Pumpkin Letter. Am I right Zakk?”

Dejected, Zakk slumped his shoulders as if a terrible weight was thrust on them and he slouched toward the door. A tiny tear developed on Zakk's left eye and was about to fall when out of the blue and over Zakk's right shoulder came floating on the wind the immortal words of Chief Crazy Captain Christo.....

BOW: “HAPPY ORANGE LABEL YELLER BACK IN BLACK LABEL ETERNAL.”

Zakk Wylde's emotions got the best of him. He turned around and looked. A sight for sore eyes beheld a sight he would never forget. There on the skateboard ramp was Chief Crazy Captain Christo holding a picture of Dimebag.

BOW: “ Happy Birthday Zakk. What you did for Darrell there are no words from me that could show as much respect or appreciation. So today on your birthday, let's finish the job for Darrell. Will you help me organize a little get together down in Dallas on say Super Bowl Sunday in Dallas? I am writing you in advance because I want you and Rob Zombie and Everyone you guys deem worthy of what I would call THE GREATEST ACT OF RESPECT ever assembled. I will put my ASS on the line and help out in any way possible. After all, I am Chief Crazy Captain Christo and I came to Rock and Roll. If this will be my professional debut, then so be it.”

kWy: “ Who are you Chief Crazy Captain Christo? Some kind of God or something?”

BOW: “ No quite the contrary. I am a blessed Halloween Knight and I will not apologize to the Pope on your birthday Zakk. He is going to have to wait in line like everyone else. Now listen here Zakk, we have no time to lose.”

This has been another abbreviated version of The Great Pumpkin Letters. Stay tuned for more in 2010!

Gary Rossington: The Awesome Rebel G

February 23rd 2010
Author Christo Strom

Gary Rossington: “The Awesome” Rebel G – An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo takes time out of his busy day to reflect and ponder about

a guitar player whom he selectively has given the nickname of “ The Awesome”. Now you might

think I'm crazy to give a nickname to someone I have never spoken to live. You would be mostly right about that. I am crazy but with a capital SEA. Led by a rebel rocker, the band is well known beyond belief. Shakin like a leaf on a tree, I casually walked around the Great Minnesota Get Together recently headlined by Kid Rock , and was flabbergasted that Lynyrd Skynyrd was the opening act. To give you a perspective on why I am calling Gary Rossington “ The Awesome “ let's go back a few years shall we.

Back in the late seventies early eighties, there was a band that I just loved calling themselves The Rossington-Collins Band. I won't go into their history but to put it mildly they ROCKED!” What I loved about this particular band was they put a female singer in the lineup. I don't need to tell anyone really but I will anyway. This woman has got some soulful pipes inlaid in her frame. If I am not mistaken, she also is ( I hope anyway!) married to Gary Rossington. Congratulations Mr and Mrs Rossington!

This is a conversation I am conducting right now as I type to the Great Rossingtons. The names for this piece are changed to protect my exclusive rights when I make this into a book, movie and Thea Tree House that Rocks. Gary Rossington will be GROSS and his wife will be D-KROSS

Chief Crazy Captain Christo will be as always The O-Range Blob of Light. The place is called ANYWHERE. The year will be 2010. Here you go and you are welcome to it Skynyrd FANS!

O-Range Blob of Light, shining too bright for anyone to see, “ Hey GROSS, D-KROSS, can you help out a brother?”

GROSS-” Outta here! It's too bright! C'mon Dale let's go somewhere a little more shady. This bright O-Range Blob of Light is killin my eyes.”

D-KROSS “ Hey I'm ready and waitin on you. Gary, this bright O-Range Blob of Light seems to be beckoning us to follow him. Don't misunderstand me but let's hear him out ok.”

O-Range Blob of Light-” Thank you D-KROSS. Now let me be briefly crazy for a minute. I have an upcoming project I have tentatively called BUILDING A THEA-TREE HOUSE. What this involves is gathering together the best and greatest musicians on the planet for a purpose. The purpose is to build a 7,200 seat outdoor/indoor Thea Tree House that to put it mildly will flippin Rock. Can I count on you Mr. GROSS to at least show up and listen to what I have to say?

GROSS:” You got my attention now so why don't you turn down that orange light and we'll discuss this privately so I can be assured that there aint no more dirty deals comin my way.”

O-Range Blob of Light-” I can't turn down the light because that's who I am. Just close your eyes and listen and open your ears to see. This 7,200 seat project will require teamwork that I would like to see come together around July 9^th 2010. I will be sliding on down to Nebraska around Omaha but the exact place will be determined at a later date. I kind of threw a dart and Omaha showed its colors if you know what I mean. I hope to show up and do a few skateboard maneuvers on a radical ramp with my Dimebag Razorback Explosion Guitar and would appreciate it if you could show me a few sliding tricks.

D-KROSS-” Yeah right the next phone call to your wife would be uh excuse me Mamm but your husband just broke his neck when he fell off the slide”

At this everyone, including The O-Range Blob of Light erupted in thunderous laughter and outside all around was extreme lightning strikes. This has been another abbreviated version of The Great Pumpkin Letters. Stay tuned for 2010 when Chief Crazy Captain Christo explains why he gave the nickname of The Awesome to Gary Rossington.

P.S. ( that's Pumpkin Script) Long Live The AWESOME REBEL G

James Earl Jones-Introduction of M-USAFA

James Earl Jones: The Introduction of M-USAFA: An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo was reflecting on his life that started sometime between September 1877 and October 1892. ( Author's note: The exact dates are kind of hazy so if you see Chief Crazy Captain Christo don't argue with him. He knows a lot of different spells!) But on this one particular day in the summer of 2009, the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo was reflecting not on his own life but that of one special actor named James Earl Jones. You see, Chief Crazy Captain Christo is a huge fan of Field of Dreams. That movie with Kevin Costner and James Earl Jones about building a stadium. But Chief Crazy Captain Christo also loved the Disney animated movie The Lion King where James Earl Jones voiced the ill fated father figure Musafa. The Good Chief saw that film about 158 times. You see the Good Chief's son, who was introduced in the piece about Sarah Palin, in a cleverly disguised word called Palindrome. His son's name is drome. Or Doctor Owe Me depending on how you can relate to Father and Son.

So back to James Earl Jones. On this particular fine sunny day, Chief Crazy Captain Christo decided to put two and two together to go forth with his plan. He disguised himself as The O-Range Blob of Light and went off seeking the Great James Earl Jones! We interrupt the conversation in progress....James Earl Jones can be read as JARL J ONE

O-Range Blob of Light-” Me and Mrs Jones were just discussing you Earl. And she told me you don't play the lead role in My Name is Earl. “

J.ARL J.ONE-” SILENCE! Who are you and what do you want with my wife?”

O-Range Blob of Light-” Mufasa, you're Home! Great, Please allow me to introduce myself. I am

Chief Crazy Captain Christo and I have a production number for you if you choose to help out. I need you to be the narrator of a short film I am going to produce called “ M-USAFA”

J.ARL J.ONE-” SILENCE! My title character in the hit Disney animated film was named M-U-F-A-S-A. Mufasa”

O-Range Blob of Light-” Easy Big Dawg! I know very well your character's name as I watched it exactly one hundred and fifty eight times with my son drome.”

J.ARL J.ONE “ SILENCE, Look at the STARS....”

O-Range Blob of Light- “ Yeah I know Billions of Balls of Gas Blah Blah Blah. Now if you will just SILENCE I can explain the character of M-USAFA. OK Earl?”

J.ARL.J.ONE-” If you build it, they will come!”

O-Range Blob of Light-” Yeah, so you know what I am up to then huh Earl? I am going to try to gather together some influential people together on July 9^th 2010 down in Omaha Nebraska. There I will be unveiling a plan to build a Thea-Tree-House. You know where cats known as musicians and friends can get together and jam. It will be for one little girl who has yet to be named, you know player to be named at a later date. But for the introduction of M-USAFA

J.ARL.J.ONE-” SILENCE!You know what don't tell me. I'll guess that you are building this Thea Tree House for one special girl because you want to introduce the world to your grandfather and father through the well thought out and intensely private affair of your family. You are using the imagery of Mufasa and turning it into M-USAFA to honor your grandfather BEAN and your father ohh what's his name. Oh holy hair ball what's his name?

O-Range Blob of Light- “ It begins with a B”

J.ARL.J.ONE-” SILENCE! I know what it begins with. His name is ROCK and you want to incorporate Mexican jumping BEANS on a ROCK .

O-Range Blob of Light-” You're getting colder , Mufasa you are dying here! I'll have to write a different Pumpkin letter dealing directly with M-USAFA. Thanks EARL! You've been a great help. I can see I need some character building strategies. Hey Earl one last thing, Do you have any Chalk to write with? You know so I can write and rewrite.

But there was no movement this time from James Earl Jones. It was then that Chief Crazy Captain Christo realized he had fallen asleep at the new Lion King wax museum in Arkabutla, Mississippi and missed the bus back home. Oh well, there's a nice young man waiting at the bus stop. Maybe he can help with the story line. Chief Crazy Captain Christo went up and introduced himself.

“ Life is like a box of chocholates......” His name for an upcoming edition of The Great Pumpkin Letters is none other than FO.GU.GU.( Forest Gumpty Gump) Stay tuned!

P.S. (that's Pumpkin Script) If you would like to donate to a worthy cause, Chief Crazy Captain Christo recommends you click on the title up above, just click on James Earl Jones-Introduction of M-USAFA. Thank you and may God bless and keep you always!

Respectfully in TRUTH,

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

Author Christo Strom
www.unitetwosites.com

Richard Branson: 78 Chances Till Ophelia

Richard Branson: 78 Chances till Ophelia-An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo was pond daring the existence of the British fascination with

the word SIR. You see in America, the term SIR has a completely different meaning. It is not

bestowed upon you by a Queen. Nor is it to be taken lightly. SIR, to the Good Chief Crazy Captain

Christo, is a title of respect that is earned by a little thing called DISCIPLINE. The other day, Chief Crazy Captain Christo had the immensely good fortune of having a little fun with someone walking and flying around the planet known as Sir Richard Branson. Here is the exact conversation that was recorded on July 18^th 2009. Richard Branson is shown here as SIRI BRA to protect his ego! He was on a flight over the Atlantic when he looked out of the window and saw an eery O-Range Blob of Light.

SIRI BRA: “ Stewardess, is it just me or is there an O-Range Blob of Light on the wing of our plane. It looks like he is skateboarding on a halp pipe with three feet of vertical playing a Dimebag Electric Razorback Explosion guitar with a brass slide. Tell him to come in at once. He's scaring the HE double toothpicks outta me and he's not supposed to deflate my ego!”

O-Range Blob of Light:” SIRI BRA, is that you? Wow it is you. Hey you look a lot older in prison er I mean person.”

SIRI BRA,to the pilot of the plane, “ Captain! Please divert our plane back to England. We seem to have an unwanted guest on our flight who needs to get off immediately.” Turning to the O-Range Blob of Light, SIRI BRA continued:” Look! I don't know who you are or where you came from but you are going to be led away in handcuffs when we reach Scotland Yard! Who the HELL are you?”

Chief Crazy Captain Christo felt sorry for Billionaire Branson. For the first time in his life, Chief Crazy Captain Christo felt sorry for a rich person. So the Good Chief did what any American would do! He slapped Richard to attention.

O-Range Blob of Light-” Attention! SIRI BRA, my name is Chief Crazy Captain Christo and I have come to ROCK the world. When we get to Scotland Yard you tell them to stand down and I will let you live. Anything else will be career suicide for you SIRI BRA.”

Laughing hysterically SIRI BRA exclaimed, “ You are absoulutely mad! Did you drink some mushroom tea with the Queen?”

O-Range Blob of Light-” SIRI BRA, you are insulting my intelligence! Now I must do what I told myself I would never do. OK here it is SIRI BRA. You only have 78 Chances till Ophelia. You have 78 chances till you are erased from The Book of Pumpkins.”

SIRI BRA-” 78 chances or I'll be erased from what? A bloody book that has never been written! Let me tell you something Chief. You are on my plane and when we get to Scotland Yard, you will be arrested and charged with interfering with air travel and I will make sure the charges stick and you spend the rest of your bloody days in confinement.”

O-Range Blob of Light- “ Before you go I have two requests. One is don't open this O-Range letter till January 2010. The other request is could you have the visiting warden at Scotland Yard be Angus. Remember SIRI, 78 Chances.”

When the plane arrived at Scotland Yard, big beefy security types met SIRI BRA and hauled Chief Crazy Captain Christo away in what could only be described as Prison Heaven. The loud speakers bellowed out strains of AC/DCs For Those About To Rock” SIRI BRA stared at the speeding chauffeur driven limousine and wondered to himself, “ What did that chief mean about 78 chances. He must be crazy if he thinks I am going to heed anything he says. I am Sir Richard Branson and I bow to no Americans!

On a wing and a prayer floated the immortal words of Chief Crazy Captain Christo, “ Think again Dick!” SIRI BRA was inflamed! Stay tuned America! In July 2010 you will find out what was written on the O-Range letter handed to SIRI BRA.

Warren Buffett's Third Day Delivery

Warren Buffett: Third Day Delivery: An Excerpt from the Great Pumpkin Letters

In this excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters, Chief Crazy Captain Christo decides to

do something no other human being has done and explain Stock Trading Revelations ON

Money to Mr. Warren Buffett. The Oracle from Omaha was stunned to realize that someone

of Chief Crazy Captain Christo's caliper even knew about the stock market. Mr. Buffett was

even more stunned when Chief Crazy Captain Christo showed up in Omaha with just a skateboard,

a Dime store guitar with out a microphone. We enter the conversation already in progress...

C.C.C.Christo: “Hey Mr. B to the U how are you doing today?” to which a completely frazzled

and perplexed answer floated away from Warren Buffett

W. BU: “ Who are you and what do you want from me”

C.C.C.Christo: “I am the FEARLESS ONE.”

W.BU:” Yeah right! Good one and I am the Oracle of Omaha, and a Billionaire Business Owner. Have you heard of Geico, Coca-Cola, Berkshire Hathaway, Borsheims......”

C.C.C.Christo: “ Yes sir I have heard of them and by the way, awesome job of weathering the RE-pression.”

W.BU: “Excuse me but it's called a recession”

C.C.C.Christo-” Pardon my Four Pause but I was talking about something else. Let me cut straight to the chase then Mr. BU. Listen up and listen good. I will only state this one time. You are to organize all your Billionaire Buddies for a SUMMIT. I will be coming back down to Omaha in July of 2010

with a STORY about Genesis. Your first words in person to me mentioned GEICO. I just want to remind you Good Sir that my insurance plans include GE from Genesis. I would like to go over with you plans to build something special. You also would probably like to honor your mentor Ben jammin Graham. I can relate to Ben Jammin so my request of you Good Oracle of Omaha is to gather together 12,000 of your “Good Friends You Can TRUST”. Prepare a stage for me at the QWEST in Omaha and I will continue this conversation. I will guarantee a Command Performance and lastly SWEARING will not be tolerated. If I have to I will hire my own Bounty Hunter who is a really good Chapman

to ensure my demands are met.”

W.BU: “ So let me get this straight. You're asking me to get 12,000 of my “ Billionaire Buddies” as you just stated together for a what? A summit? What exactly would the point be if I may be so bold as to ask a question of the FEARLESS ONE.”

C.C.C.Christo: “ There is to be a stadium or arena to be built. Nothing huge or pretentious. Just a 7,200 handicapped accessible Theatre-e if you will. There are exacting building standards that need to be followed and I would be more than honored if you would exercise good common sense and hear me out on a certain day let's say July 9^th 2010. So if you wouldn't mind organizing your people ,I will show up rain or shine. Form I performance I will need a ½ pipe skateboard ramp with three feet of vertical wood at the top of the ramp. One amplifier , one Dimebag Electric Razorback Explosion guitar, a simple microphone, and one brass slide.

W.BU-” Woah, Woah, Woah....Who's going to insure this fiasco?

C.C.C.Christo: “ You are Warren. And my performance fee to insure I show up is $75,000. This will insure that if my son drops out of college like say Bill Gates or Steve Jobs, I will at least have something to help support him for a while since you and I know how the Government will treat him. Now if these terms are acceptable, I will go tell the Great Pumpkin and all will be forgiven.”

W.BU-” You're insane!!!”

C.C.C.Christo-” There is a fine line between Santa T and the insane. Remember Warren, 12,000 people who would be willing to invest a few hours on July 9^th 2010. Invest Wisely. Do you like Johnny Cash?

Warren Buffett wondered to himself, “ It couldn't be, no that would be crazy, who is that guy?”

This has been another installment of the Great Pumpkin letters. Stay tuned!

Christo Strom is the website owner of www.unitetwosites.com
He is currently working on a new site that will be a membership site for a new Art , Music and Movie Studio being built in July 2010

Rob Zombie Part 2: What? Jesus Frankenstein!!

February Tenth Two Thousand and Ten

Rob Zombie Part 2: What? Jesus Frankenstein- An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Hey Mr. Rob Zombie,

It is I, Chief Crazy Captain Christo! The Great Pumpkin has informed me that he wrote a letter to you and that I should write you as well. So here it is. I have not yet decided if it will be a seven part letter so forgive me for starting with Part 2. Ready or not, let's rock! As you can see from the title of this letter I have chosen what I perceive to be the third and the first songs from your soon to be released Hellbilly Deluxe II set of songs. But before I go any further I would like to say Thank you again from the bottom of my Orange heart for your recent show in St. Paul at the Roy Wilkins. Absolutely loved the animation of El Super Beasto. Anyways, back to the letter. On yeah the band was pretty good too!
I am wondering if you would be interested on your time off to meet me down in Omaha, Nebraska.
Wait scratch that. How about you meet me at FORT ROBINSON in Nebraska at a time you deem reasonable. I would like to go over plans for a Rock and Roll Theme Park that my son and I came up with. It is really a hot theme and I believe you will love it. It will consist of eighteen Heavy Metal themed Kick Ass rides that will scare the be Jesus out of anyone including yourself Mr. Zombie. Without going into further details, as there are way more than eighteen rides, I will leave that up to your imagination. You see I made a promise to a five year old boy eight years ago and I am going to see this through so when he turns EIGHTEEN he will see that his old man keeps his promises.
I am making this next part easy for anyone who has been following The Great Pumpkin Letters, perhaps you have Rob or perhaps not. I don't know ( thanks Ozzy!) So without further complications I bring you the first conversation never recorded between Rob Zombie and Chief Crazy Captain Christo.
To help set this scene up, the place is in a recording studio in Nebraska on the road towards well let's see if you can figure it out. Chief Crazy Captain Christo's name for this piece is Freek Kick and Rob Zombie's name is AZ-MA. So here it is Enjoy:
AZ-MA- “ Hey Chief Crazy Captain Christo. It's your dime. I showed up. What have you got for me?”
Freek Kick-” Thanks for showing up Rob. Believe it or not, I am going to make you the richest Zombie the world has ever known.”
AZ-MA-” How's that Chief?”
Freek Kick-” Well, if you can just SLOW DOWN”
AZ-MA” Never gonna stop ...”
Freek Kick-” Suit yourself Rob but the educated horse I am talkin bout is CRAZY....”
Tires screeching to a halt as Rob puts the brakes on full throttle down!. Lucky for both Rob and Chief Crazy Captain Christo, crash proof window panes were installed in the mobile recording studio the Good Chief had designed. Both their faces smashed into the glass and blood oozed slowly out of their flattened noses. Rob spoke first.
AZ-MA-” Let me guess, you are going to say CRAZY HORSE. That's why you brought me here and that's what you have been trying to say all along. Why didn't you just say so!”
Freek Kick-” Well not quite exactly. I do love the story about Crazy Horse, but I am going to explain the reasoning behind the meetings in Omaha and Fort Robinson Nebraska. I am going to start with why Fort Robinson first. Let's just say ROBINSON. Like Rob and Son meaning my son this time.
You have from your website a little person with face paint and quoting from your website, “ It's never to early to start...” or something like that.
AZ-MA-” OK so what's your point?”
Freek Kick-” Here's my point. I forgot the song” Ronnie Van Zant appeared for the first time in a Pumpkin Letter!
AZ-MA-” My nose stopped bleedin. Hey what do you know about that! My nose aint bleedin!
Freek Kick-” What day is it?”
AZ-MA-” It's January 12th 2010”
Freek Kick-” Oh Good Grief, Happy Birthday Rob!”

And with that Chief Crazy Captain Christo handed Rob Zombie the Keys to Heaven and Hell with the immortal words Do not Open till Showtime! This has been another abbreviated version of The Great Pumpkin Letters. Stay tuned for more to come in 2010!

P.S. ( that's Pumpkin Script) Part Three thru Seven will be released later this year and next year
so stay tuned. And one last thing exclusively for Rob Zombie. This series of Great Pumpkin Letters will eventually be made into a series of SEVEN FILMS if you are interested. Let me know OK ROB,

Than ks,
Christo Strom
www.unitetwosites.com
aka Chief Crazy Captain Christo ( the one and I hope the only!)

Rob Zombie Meet Chief Crazy Captain Christo

Rob Zombie: An Excerpt from “The Great Pumpkin Letters”

Hey Mr. Rob Zombie!

It's the Great Pumpkin writing to the Greatest Director of All Time.

Yeah, lurking inside that warped mind of Rock and Roll Bad Asses

You are going to go on an incredible journey Rob! You see I just

got a letter from a Character in a Movie you are going to Direct in

The Near Future. How near you ask? Listen up Rob. Now this is

important. The Character in The Movie you are going to Direct

Mr. Z is none other than Chief Crazy Captain Christo. He has been

putting the finishing touches on a screen play that you will adapt into

a Hollywood Blockbuster, loosely based on the Greatest Character

Ever created by Charles Schultz. Hey Rob It's Me The Great Pumpkin.

Chief Crazy Captain Christo told me and I quote, “ Rob Zombie's

the only director I would trust in a Sea of Same Ol Lame Ol. Rob has

not only got the talent of a Great Artist but a Director's Eye that is

sure to impress .

Chief Crazy Captain Christo is

going down to Nebraska in July of 2010 to Challenge Old Man Buffett

to a game of Who's the Richest Man now? He wants you to be there Rob.

Chief Crazy Captain Christo says “... The comfort zone for the Rich will

evaporate in front of everyone's eyes. That is after the Great Pumpkin rises

out of the Pumpkin Patch ... you know the story. Chief Crazy Captain Christo

wants to show you Mr. Zombie the keys to Erasing the National Debt. Before

any of the old crony club beats you Rob. C'mon, Chief Crazy Captain Christo

wants you to bring Ozzy Osbourne and Zakk Wylde with you so you will all

be witnesses to the new order of doing things.

But be forewarned Rob. If you don't show up or get in touch with Chief Crazy

Captain Christo, you're going to lose out to another Director named Grant Heslov,

in the immortal words of Little Nicky, “ he's no George Clooney... but he hangs out

with him” Chief Crazy Captain Christo also met Fred Savage from The Wonder Years.

Now who do you think would do a better job. A Zombie or a Savage. I thought so Rob.

Just show up in Omaha in July of 2010. The screenplay will be completely finished by then.

Oh and one last thing Rob. Chief Crazy Captain Christo has informed me ,The Great

Pumpkin, that once you see the screenplay, you will flip out completely. It is your

Dream Movie that Chief Crazy Captain Christo says, Not only will I give the movie

rights to Mr. Zombie, but I will also organize a fundraiser the likes the World has never

seen. It involves the present day President of the United States and his team of Professional

All- Stars ( including Michael Jordan) vs the Team of Zombies ( thirteen of the finest Rock

and Roll game changers in a game played with Special Rules only Chief Crazy Captain Christo knows.

The names for these two teams are also confidential to be released only to you Rob.

This is what is called in the business, Trust is Earned and Rob you have Earned it.

Chief Crazy Captain Christo also wants to say Thank you for your Inspiring Theme Songs to life!

So there you have it in a nutshell Rob Zombie. July 2010 Stay tuned. This is

The Great Pumpkin and This has been The First in a Series of “ The Great Pumpkin

Letters” coming soon to be played out for real! Oh and ah Rob, Chief Crazy Captain Christo

in no uncertain terms scolded me for calling you Mr. Z. He said, “ Great Pumpkin, even you

shall call him Dr. Z . for every great director is a doctor at heart bringing films to life!”

P.S. Hey Rob one last thing. I realize the WHO rocked balls at the half time show in Miami,
but I think you and Zakk and all your buddies should ROCK BALLS in Dallas next year for Dimebag and Stevie Ray Vaugn. What say you ROB ZOMBIE?! Now that would truly be a
Super Sunday!!

Christo Strom is the website owner of www.unitetwosites.com
He is currently working on a new site that will be a membership site for a new Art , Music and Movie Studio being built in July 2010

Shakira 2010 : An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

February 3, 2010

Happy Belated Birthday to Shakira. Missed it by that much ( yesterday:)

Shakira: S.I. Shakira's Agree Pigpen's A Pear- An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo was on the second leg of his journey around the world when his S- Crew was getting tired. They were all complaining that they had been at sea for three days and needed to pick up some honey from the Southern Bear Islands. So without going into a long drawn out worn out and boring story of Mutiny, the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo slowly brought his wooden Dinghy Anada Know into the nearest port. The Southern Port of Yallaposies or better known as the SPY Channel. He rocked his vessel into port safely and tied it off to the A.P. Pier. And for those who are new to The Great Pumpkin Letters, the A.P. Pier is the first Pier to the left of the Stern Bow.

So with his Dinghy Anada Know safely docked, the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo bellowed a fierce warning to his S- Crew.

C.C.C.Christo: “ If I see anyone leave the Anada Know, it will be the last time you will ever see the CCCC.......”

But the words just left him high and dry. The crew knew what he meant. They all stayed on board for fear of the Rat-Hog. The Rat-Hog is a new character to be introduced in Bob Weir's Pumpkin Letter later in 2010. So back to the story at hand. The Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo had not been gone for more than a minute and a half. That is one hundred and thirty seconds for those of you who are counting. Give or take forty seconds! Anyway, the Chief went into a rather seedy bar called She's Loco Lobo. He went straight up to the bar and asked the bartender for some honey for his crew. The bartender pointed in the direction of the stage and a sweet temptress was performing her hit She-Wolf. Of course. It was none other than Shakira. The Chief Crazy Captain Christo went into Hyper Drive ( author's note HD) and quickly disguised himself as the O-Range Boo Boo Boo G Man. Shakira took one look at him and started laughing so hard she had to run off the stage.

Now for the conversation between Shakira and Chief Crazy Captain Christo that took place backstage. Shakira's name has been changed to Si' Si' Omahog. Chief Crazy Captain Christo' name has been changed to P. A. Sugaree ( Pigpen Alfamont Sugaree). Enjoy!

Si' Si' Omahog- “ Chief Crazy Captain Christo that has got to be the funniest get up you have ever put on for me. I was laughing so hard I had to run off the stage or I would have peed in my stilettos.”

P.A. Sugaree:” Nice try Shakira but my S- Crew needs some honey for the extended stay on the Anada Know. Do you know where on the island I can scrounge some honey up?”

Si” Si” Omahog-” Crazy Loco Captain, where you can always find it. At my Grandma's Shack on Shamrock Circle Lane, across the Mountain Slide and through the lighted tunnel. C'mon, I will show you.”

Shakira took Chief Crazy Captain Christo's blistered hand and smiled. In a nano-second they were at Grandma's Shack and you could tell because it had a sign out front that in bright O-Range letters said Shack Here A and there was a big O-Range X after the A. So without stopping to ask for directions because they were already there, Shakira introduced Chief Crazy Captain Christo to his Grandma.

Si' Si' Omahog- “ Gramms, this is Chief Crazy Captain Christo. His S-Crew on board the Anada Know need some honey for their treacherous trip around the world for Eighty Daisies. Would you mind giving him your honey from the honey jar”

Smiling the sweetest smile a Grandma could ever smile, Grandma Shaka Shakira reached for her everflowing jar of Island Honey and without saying a word handed it to Chief Crazy Captain Christo.

P.A. Sugaree: “ Gra See Az! The S- Crew will be delightfully giddy on board the Anada Know.”

Chief Crazy Captain Christo thanked Shakira and reached in his trousers and pulled out an O-Range P. Fearing it was not a large enough P for Shakira he pulled out an O-Range H in the shape of an EAR.

Si' Si' Omahog: “ Chief Crazy Captain Christo, Why are you giving me an O-Range P and and O-Range H in the shape of an EAR.

P.A. Sugaree: I am so glad you asked me that Shakira so I will tell you. When I took the P OUT you were sad that that was all I was giving you. When I took the H AND formed it like an EAR, you smiled but you still looked at me kind of strange. So when you put the P and the H together in the exact order what do you get?”

Si' Si' Omahog: “ A PEAR?”

P.A. Sugaree: “ No not exactly. I'll explain everything on July 9^th 2010 in Omaha Nebraska. Would you be so kind as to appear with me on stage to judge a contest for a little girl in America?”

Si' Si' Omahog: “ You want me to appear in Nebraska? Aye La Bamba Captain Christo! Who else will be appearing?”

But before Shakira could hear what Chief Crazy Captain Christo said, he had vanished to his vessel The Anada Know. Stay tuned South America! Chief Crazy Captain Christo is on a Sugaree High so get ready for some Trick or Treating down south! This has been another edition of The Great Pumpkin Letters. Much more to come in 2010 and beyond.

Christo Strom is the website owner of www.unitetwosites.com
He is currently working on a new site that will be a membership site for a new Art , Music and Movie Studio being built in July 2010

Duane "DOG" Chapman

Ground Dog Day February 2nd 2010
To honor the DOG on his day, I thought you might like a little humor so enjoy!

Snoopy Part 1 of 7: The Dog Chapman Bowl- An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo was reminiscing the other day and came up with a brilliant plan.

While watching Snoopy carrying his dog bowl in his mouth, the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo

shrieked out loud,

“ Eureka, a golden nugget is passing my way. Watch out for Salty Sea Dog Legs and pay attention Tiger Pawns, er I mean Prawns,”

He got on the Hot Line and called up none other than Dog Chapman, the WORLD famous BOUNTY HUNTER. But the line was busy. Ah, a lawman's work is always busy. So Chief Crazy Captain Christo thought,

“ HMMM, if I can't get a hold of the Dog maybe I will bring the BOWL to the Dog!”

So with the immortal courage of a confident carpet cleaner, the Good Chief set out to find Dog.

Within 45 nanoseconds he found the Dog hot on the chase of another Meth addict and let the Dog have his day. After the arrest was complete, Chief Crazy Captain Christo disguised himself. Instead of the normal O-Range Blob of Light, he disguised himself as a PERFECT O-Range BOWL. To describe the O-Range Bowl would not do it justice but I will try anyway, Here is the description:

Like an almost perfect circle, it is made of all wood. On the top of the bowl is coping where skateboarders do the grinding ( sparks fly people!) There is always a beautiful scent of a fine ash and with smoke billowing over the top from barbecuing down below. On this particular day, the bowl was smokin hot. I now bring you the exact words from Dog Chapman and his wife Beth. Their names have been changed here to McDog and McBeth to protect their privacy.

McDog:” Hey Beth, where did that bowl come from?”

McBeth:” I don't know but I think Johnny B. Garcia is hiding in there. Let's go check it out Dog!”

McDog:” Cover me Beth. I'm goin in. Keep the cameras rolling. I've never seen anything like this.

Wow wee! What a bowl!”

As the two awesome bounty hunters peeked inside the O-Range Bowl, they were mesmerized by what they saw. Down at the bottom of the bowl, where the smoke was originating, a lone figure wearing an O-Range chef's apron and one O-Range sock was turning a rack of lamb on his weber grill.

This is where the introduction of the most famous character of all time comes into play. Pay attention here folks, it is the character you wish you could be but you don't have the b***s or no balls as the case may be. Listen and learn.

McDog was the first to draw his weapon.

McDog: “ Hey Bra! We got you surrounded. Give it up or we will taser you right here in your O-Range Bowl”

McBeth:” Get him Dog!”

But the tasers had no effect whatsoever on this now incensed character played by Chief Crazy Captain Christo. Now for the moment you have all been waiting for, the introduction of ZING.

Zing can always be seen at a barbecue listening to Rob Zombie's What? Thumpin in the background.

Zing is what you could call the Over Delivery Guy or O.D.G for those who like to shorten descriptions.

Even though the tasers had no effect, he didn't want to hurt McDog or McBeth's FEELINGS ( nothing more than FEELINGS) so he did what Zing does best. It hurts to describe this but here goes. Zing did the Electrifried Crappy Flop that went on for exactly three minutes and thirty three seconds. After the performance of a lifetime, Zing casually got up and gave McDog and McBeth a lesson they will never forget. Here is what Zing said.

ZING “ Must you always prove you are the TOP Dog. I was preparing a wonderful world of delightful dishes and you have to come in an taser me on the spot. Dog and Beth, I just wanted to say Thank You for all your hard work and was going to surprise you with a welcome home Dog and Beth party with my famous rack of Lamb that tastes divine but I guess you will have to wait till the Eighth letter I write. Now if you will forgive me I have six more Snoopy letters to write. With that Zing and his O-Range Bowl vanished into thin air. Stay tuned for the next six Snoopy versions of The Great Pumpkin Letters.