The King and Di's Eleventh Step- Man Overboard!

May 5th 2010
Author Christo Strom

Post reprinted by Author's permission ( that's me!)
First posted on Sooper Articles in January 2010

Lady Di: The King and Di's Eleventh Step- An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Warning: This edition of The Great Pumpkin Letters deals with real DEATH! If the thought of a pleasant AFTER-LIFE scares you please go no further. Step aside Steven King, it's time for the sacrifice of O'NE ( Author: Christo Strom )

Chief Crazy Captain Christo was sailing on the high seas one day in 2010 when a sight he had never seen before caught his roving eyes. Out on the horizon, a beautiful blond princess was dancing with a King. It was like they were dancing with the stars on top of the ocean. But they were not on a ship or a boat or any kind of sea faring vessel. No they were dancing on thin air. It was a most enjoyable vision to see two individuals dancing so wrecklessly and yet so happy! Her face was all aglow and her steps were pure and light. The funny thing was it was pitch black outside and the moon was no where to be found. Yet the light kept getting brighter and brighter! And it was beckoning the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo to come forward. On closer inspection he realized it was Lady Diana. She smiled her radiant smile and in the clarity of the moment whispered for the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo to take eleven steps off the bow to reach her.

Now for the conversation between Chief Crazy Captain Christo and Lady Di. For this part, Lady Di is going by the name of La dd ( author's note: it is a silent L so it is pronounced a dd meaning after Diana's death). Chief Crazy Captain Christo is going by the name of BOW ( Blessed Orange Wood)

We pick the conversation up before Chief Crazy Captain Christo takes the first step off the bow of his ship.

La dd: “ Ahoy Chief Crazy Captain Christo it is I, Lady Diana from England. Won't you come join me for a midnight dance beneath the heavens?”

BOW: “ Wow, Lady Di. You look absolutely ravishing in your O-Range Maroon Gown that really isn't a gown is it? Who does your airbrushing?” Chief Crazy Captain Christo knew right away that Lady Diana, the would be Queen of England was without a stitch of clothing. So he cut away at one of his sails and gave her an Orange and Black Sailors skirt and left her topless.

La dd: “ If you are going to dress me, take me to Richard Branson's island at once. I demand to see him because I have a few choice words to get off my chest.”

BOW: “ Any particular reason you have to see Richard?”

La dd: “ Yes as a matter of fact there is. There's a man up here named Heath Ledger and he won't get off my Brokeback Mountain.”

BOW:” Really, you can see Heath Ledger? Would you mind telling Heath that I have a little girl down here that would really like it if he could help organize a get together to build a Theatre Tree House. By orders of The Great Pumpkin I have to organize it or else”

La dd:” Or else what?”

BOW:” Or else he is going to make me walk the plank in front of the bank to get run over by an army tank filled with explosives. Why else would I be so frantic about building this tree house. The Great One as I like to call him doesn't demand much more than everything you got. Since I can see you and you can see Heath, I figure if we put our heads together we can come up with something cool. What say you Lady Di? Will you help out a Captain in need?:

La dd:” Where and when do you want us to show up Chief Crazy Captain Christo?”

BOW:” Between the dates of July 9^th 2010 and Eternity just to be on the safe side”

La dd:” Forget Richard Branson's island. We've got work to do. Heath darling let's get your ledger on board and go to Nebraska.”

Tears started to flow off of the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo's face and landed in the salty sea. The King he had noticed dancing with Lady Di was Heath Ledger! It was then that Chief Crazy Captain Christo had noticed he had walked off the stern side of the ship and on his Eleventh step plunged face first into the frigid icy water. The King Ledger threw him a life preserver and let out a cackle and responded with a shout of “ Damn Yankee Rookie!” This has been another abbreviated edition of The Great Pumpkin Letters. Stay tuned America. Hollywood you are seriously lacking any creativity. Grant Heslov, and Kevin Costner and Clint Eastwood yall are pale faces in comparison to Chief Crazy Captain Christo. Yo Ho Yo Ho Yo Ho Outta my whey cause someone is going to get hurt and it aint Chief Crazy Captain Christo you boneheads of Cinematic Rubbish! I dare everyone of you Hollywood Directors to show up in Omaha on July 9^th 2010 to face the fire. Guaranna, get your guns! It's SHOWTIME!!!!!!!!!! Warning this is not a drill! Time to PAY the PIE Purr! If your Pen does not write a check on the piece of paper marked with an O-Range X- let's just say this is ELIMINATION TIME!!!!!!! Respectfully in TRUTH ( CCCC You Later Boyzzzz!)

Sheri Moon Zombie- S.O.S. for $ 630 Million

May 2nd 2010
Author Christo Strom

SHERI MOON ZOMBIE- S.O.S. for $630 Million

Author's Note: ( The S.O.S. in the title is kind of like a
double edged sword with four different meanings. But
the author will give you the real meaning first and the
last three you'll have to make them up for your self!)

S.O.S. ( an obvious cry for help from a "Crazy" )
S.O.S.- in this post means " Strom's Onto Something!"

Now I have submitted this post before on Sooper Articles
and it is one of 44 Great Pumpkin Excerpts but before I
add this post, I would like to pre-face the post with a bit
of insane money fundraising for one ROB ZOMBIE.

Since he is more than likely too busy on his current touring
schedule to react to my posts, I thought I would try something
a little different. I'll go straight to his boss, Sheri Moon Zombie!

So Sheri, here's the deal! I am going to start in Minnesota
to erase the National Debt which is at $12 Trillion Dollars.
I think that raising $ 630 Million Dollars for your husband
Rob to make Seven Films should be a drop in the bucket.

It's going to take a massive exchange of ideas on my part
to get this thing rolling but I am prepared to do the work.
I just thought you would want to know I am on your guy's
side and I will help you all out any way that I can. If
that's ok with you and Rob Sheri! After all , you and Rob
are my favorite Zombie's!!!

Take Care Mrs. Zombie! Here's the reprint of your
Great Pumpkin Letter

Sheri Moon Zombie: Mayhem and The Great One- An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo was going out of his mind one particular day in January 2010. You see, the Good Chief had just found out that the Mayhem tour was going to be starting in California on July 10^th. And his mind was reeling really fast. All the thoughts of pulling off the GREATEST SPEECH ever spoken were quickly being dashed against the ROCKS of TIME! To bring you up to speed, the Mayhem tour is a big ol Metal fest starring Rob Zombie, Korn, Lamb of God, Five Finger Death Punch, In This Moment and a slew of other hard rockin, fist pumpin, take no prisoners types that create for better or worse, MAYHEM. Anyway, since their wheels are in gear for their shows, no need to bother them for assistance. They have their own gigs going and that is fine. Except for one thing. Rob Zombie, can you send your wife? On July 9^th, 2010, the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo, come hell or high water, is going down to Omaha Nebraska and set up for an impressive speech. So for this particular abbreviated Great Pumpkin Letter, the Good Chief is transforming himself to L.A. To meet with none other than Rob Zombie's wife, Sheri Moon Zombie.

For this conversation, Sheri Moon Zombie is filming Rob in an upcoming video. She is taking a short break when Chief Crazy Captain Christo, in a stunning move of unabashed bravado, scoops her up and is talking to her on the fly. He is disguised as the O-Range Blob of Lightning with a dash of Guacamole Sauce. Sheri is going by the name of SHERI-ZO. Chief Crazy Captain Christo is going by the name of ORBLA-GUACAM. Since Chief Crazy Captain Christo is in charge here, the conversation takes place up in the air. Enjoy!!!

SHERI-ZO-” Hey you! Put me down this instant or I will have Rob take care of you in one of his upcoming videos. You will be Zombie stomped into oblivion.”

ORBLA-GUACAM-” Hey relax Sheri, it is I, Chief Crazy Captain Christo. I just wanted to introduce myself to you in a well I'm not exactly sure what I am doing here but oh yeah. I wanted to help your husband Rob with a little fund raising for a SEVEN MOVIE DEAL. It would have been real easy to do on July 9^th 2010 until I learned that your husband had inked a deal to do the Mayhem tour. That is ok since I believe that has got to be a great way to make a living.”

SHERI-ZO:” How can you carry me and fly at the same time? And why should we trust you?”

ORBLA-GUACAM-” Fair enough questions. I'll answer the second one first. The reason you should TRUST me is this. I have learned a great deal by writing down some observations. My first observation is this. America needs to turn the ship around because it is sinking! By writing about what is wrong, without preaching doom and gloom, I believe a few positive words to the right influential people, can be a great place to start. I am trying to get a Theatrical Tree house built for a little American girl. Since Rob is probably in tune to a theatrical kind of show, I thought that once this tree house gets built, the SEVEN MOVIE DEALwould be a piece of cake to set up.

SHERI-ZO: “ Again Chief Crazy Captain Christo! Why should we TRUST you?!!”

ORBLA-GUACAM:” OK Sheri here it is! Ready or not. I have thought up this stadium design that is based on super cooperation between musicians, professional athletes, doctors, internet marketers, restaurant owners and dancers. The design will be unveiled sometime soon when all the pieces fall into place. I could use some of Rob's unique insights to go along with the planning stages. Of course, it will be based on a Halloween stage theme and a Happy Go Lucky harvest agenda. No sad sacks allowed if you know what I mean. It is all about overcoming adversity and shining in a most outrageous display of FUN! No one stage will be present for longer than thirteen weeks so it will always be changing to suit the needs of the performers. Comprende?”

SHERI-ZO:” Ok Chief Crazy Captain Christo I can relate to that. Now answer the first question. How can you carry me and fly at the same time?”

ORBLA-GUACAM:” Great Pumpkin rule #Seven- Listen to RUSH's Fly By Night before attempting any type of Zombie pick up line!”

SHERI-ZO: “ Oh Rob will love that one! Thanks Chief Crazy Captain Christo. I'll try to persuade Rob for you.”

ORBLA-GUACAM:” Thanks Sheri. And tell Rob that Chief Crazy Captain Christo would be forever grateful to plan the Tree House with some of Rob's ideas. Let's get this done!”

SHERI-ZO:” Wow! That was a cool flight! Hey there's Rob now...”

And with that Chief Crazy Captain Christo flew back to resume his sail around the world. Penelope Cruz where are you? This has been another edition of The Great Pumpkin Letters. Stay tuned for more to come in 2010 and beyond!

P.S. ( that's Pumpkin Scrypt!) Perhaps we will meet and discuss this in person
in 2011. I will be mainly in MN but like I said in the Great Pumpkin Letters,
I hang out in Minnesota, Nebraska and Colorado. You see you gotta believe
in foolish miracles ( I got that one from a regular " John" !)

Respectfully in TRUTH

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

In Search of--ORANGE RACE CARD ANGELS

May 1st 2010
Author Christo Strom

In Search of ORANGE RACE CARD ANGELS

Greetings everybody!

Christo Strom here with exciting news for everyone
who wants to become an

ORANGE RACE CARD ANGEL

Yes, there are actual steps to become one.
It aint easy so here is the steps to take.

You can sign up for details at

http://www.orangeracecardangels.com

On or about June 2010

Step by step instructions
to become an

ORANGE RACE CARD ANGEL

will be explained in emails once you sign up
It is that simple.
But like I said before it aint easy.

You see, to become an

ORANGE RACE CARD ANGEL

you have to believe there is a simple way
to erase the national debt together!

I'll stop right there because I know some of you
already said F*** That!

Well if you are one of those , you are already

DISQUALIFIED.

For those of you who want to find out more
sign up June 2010 to January 12th 2011

What? ( Rob Zombie's song thumpin in the background)

After January 12th 2011, you will have to wait till 2012
to sign up. Sorry but those are the rules and you need
to know there will be rules.

Respectfully in TRUTH

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

P.S. ( that's Pumpkin Script) The Great Pumpkin will
be so proud!