Tom Barnard: Que Q with Chief Crazy Captain Christo

March 29th 2010
Author Christo Strom

Originally found on SOOPER ARTICLE site
Reprinted with Author's permission (that's Me!)

Enjoy! Please leave a comment and if you want
write down how long you think I should let
Tom Barnard have his animation piece filmed
for in an upcoming Rob Zombie movie. That is,
if I can get Rob Zombie to agree! Sorry Tom:(
__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__

Tom Barnard: Que Q- An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo has a plan to S-talk the radio airwaves. I know that may sound

a little corny but listen and learn. It is simply a-mai-zing. Understanding Tom Bernard and the crew at KQRS, a small brew haha has been brewing in the Twin Cities known as Wyatt Bayer Lock and Key.

You see without even stepping into the studios at the GOAL DEN Valley station, Chief Crazy Captain Christo is going to play hard ballast with the crew. Here goes the conversation between Chief Crazy Captain Christo and Tom Barnard. In this Thee A Trick Al piece, Tom's name has been changed to Saint Bernard but it will be shortened further to SABER. Chief Crazy Captain Christo, in a stunning move to keep his detractors off guard, will not be the O-Range Blob of Light. No, in this abbreviated version of the Great Pumpkin Letters, the Chief will go by the name of ESSAY.

SABER: “ Hey it's coming up on twenty five minutes to nine. We'll be back shortly after this message from SNUGGIES. “

At that very instant, the radio host was changed into a Saint Bernard, although the radio listeners had no clue. Enter ESSAY.

ESSAY-( O-Range Light brightly shining)-” Que Q?”

SABER-” Hey who is shining this bright light in my eyes. I am blind and cannot see.”

ESSAY-” It is I, Chief Crazy Captain Christo. Que Q?”

SABER- “ Who are you and what do you want? Can't you see we are on the air? And why do you only say KQ?”

ESSAY-” That is only what you hear. Pay attention Mr. SABER. You have a sharp wit like a SABER tooth Tiger and I turned you into a Saint Bernard!”

SABER- “ Well turn me back into the radio host that I am so I can finish the morning show”

ESSAY-” Que Q?”

SABER-” Yeah KQ! Bark Bark Bark”

ESSAY-” Do you feel that Keg of whiskey around your neck SABER. Do not open till December 21^st 2012. It is a special Keg that is not Whiskey but a special sauce that will not be ready till then. Now about my Que Q. Que is Spanish for What. Q is the name of some whack job calling himself the CASH GIFTING expert online. If you would be so kind to interview Q on your call in show that would be great. He doesn't like to show his face either but I think you two would have a great debate on the reason so many people fail in their attempt to create true and lasting wealth.”

SABER-” OK done deal now change me back. This pain around my neck is killing me and I can't breathe.”

ESSAY, loosening the Keg around SABER's neck, “ Here you go. I'll take that with me till December 21^st 2012. I will return it to you except this time it will be wrapped in Paradise Paper and Sealed with

something I'd rather not discuss. Now remember SABER, Que Q? Ask at least ten thought provoking questions of this personality who calls himself Q. For all I know he may be the real deal. I just thought you would be the perfect interviewer. Besides which, I love listening to your show. Keep up the great work Senior SABER. ( Old DAWG expression!).

SABER( laughing hysterically) “ OK Chief Crazy Captain Christo. But one question for you? Isn't Charles Schultz from Saint Paul and won't his people be pissed that your using his Great Pumpkin

Charlie Brown story into.....”

ESSAY-” What? ( ROB ZOMBIE's song in the background thumpin at ESSAY's House) No Saber I am not worried about that. You see, I have a long history of taking something that was originally great and with a few tricks and treats, turning it into a masterpiece beyond belief. You will see. What you didn't see coming here was that this piece's title is really SNOOPY Part Two of Seven. I just cleverly disguised it so as to throw the censors off track. It's called covering your tracks in the dark and snow.”

SABER- “ Is that Rob Zombie I hear playing in the background. I can't stand any of his moo...”

With that Being said, Tom Barnard was back on the air. Stay tuned for more excerpts from The Great Pumpkin Letters. KQRS ( Revelation Station!)

Ron “Pigpen” McKernan: Pigpen's Pig's Kins

March 21st 2010
Barbecue Season - Let's Get Smokey! On the Grill! Marks, sets Go(::)
Author Christo Strom

Dedicated to my bro David and his family!

Ron “Pigpen” McKernan: Pigpen's Pig's Kins: Excerpt from the Great Pumpkin Letters

This is an actual copy of a letter that was burned in a fire that was never started

It is from Chief Crazy Captain Christo to R.P.M ( to be read only at a night time barbecue).

For those of you who don't know ,without Pigpen , there would be no Grateful Dead.

Or it would have been a ship without a Captain.

When Chief Crazy Captain Christo meets back up with Pigpen

Hey R.P.M.,

I never got to tell you how much I loved your band.

Well, Pigpen I am writing this with tears in my eyes.

I might need Linus' blanket to cover my red eyes so you can't see.

Oh what the Hell, I don't care let the whole world know that

my Tears are for Pig's in a Blanket.

Tell Loose Lucy that Cosmic Charlie is heading for the endzone

and Schroeder is now delivering Milk for a living Yep Milky Way

as I like to tease him.

Seriously, Pig I have one request for the man upstairs cause I know

You must be there. Tell him I know I have made my mistakes,

and my final request of a prayer would be this:

The only way I am going anywhere is to get this party started.

Meet me down in Omaha, Nebraska sometime in the future. You

will recognize me by a strange and magnificent smoke. I will be

surrounded by Twelve Webbers, Eleven Chefs and I will be organizing

my own Band. You should be able to see my One Man band with me playing

a DIME(Electric Razorback Explosion) store guitar rockin on a Half Pipe

skateboard ramp jammin out songs from the past as well as new un-re-hear-sed

tunes that have yet to be named.

Hope you can tell that I'm getting amped for the show down in O,NE.

Respectfully in Truth,

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

P.S. When I do meet back up with you Pig, if you don't mind bringing three

shots and shot glasses with you we'll recite the 23^rd Psalm in the Valley of the

Shadows. Then and only then can I say “ Yup, Good Grief the Gangs All Here”

I don't know exactly when I will be there but tell ol FUMble Fingers that

I could use a little of da Vine intermission. Thanks a lot. Oh and One last thing

Pigpen before I go. What would you like for dessert? I'm working man on an

animal cracker whipped cream ala mode with the name Pig's Delight. What do

you think? Might as well cross that off my two DO lew list. Lightnin Smokestacks

gonna be my name....2019, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13,...

This has been another abbreviated installment from The Great Pumpkin Letters

;

Chef Gordon Ramsay: Pumpkin Nightmares!

May 13th 2010
Author Christo Strom

Before I begin with a reprint of an article I wrote on
SOOPER ARTICLES, I would like to dedicate this
blog post to my sister and her husband. Perhaps,
someday Gordon Ramsay and I will teach them
how to be awesome chefs. That is after I find
Penelope Cruz. Happy Birthday to my SISTER,
the Greatest Sister A brother or three could ever
have wished for! Please enjoy my favorite
Pumpkin Letter to date....

Chef Gordon Ramsay-PUMPKIN NIGHTMARES: Excerpts from The Great Pumpkin Letters,

Chief Crazy Captain Christo is a character in a screen play being written in Minnesota to be

orchestrated on a stage in ...... see if you can guess where. This is an actual conversation between

the main character Chief Crazy Captain Christo and the delightful wordsmith Chef Gordon Ramsay from Fox's hit TV show Hell's Kitchen. We join the conversation already in progress...

Over the loud speaker ( Gilbert Godfried ) was heard...

“ ...and the winner is by a lard margarine Chief Crazy Captain Christo. “

Thunderous applause and a few sprinkles of lightning were heard and seen throughout the

great plates.” Never before has Chef Gordon Ramsay ever been this mad. He was seen kicking

the trash cans and littering the audience with shouts of “DONKEY” which made the judges of the

contest ( Sharon Osbourne and Ozzy, Rob Zombie and Sheri, Zakk Wylde and Barbarranne, Gene Simmons and Tweeder, and of course War and Buffet (the Vampire Slayer), eye Chef Gordon

Ramsay in a new light.

“ this cant be possible...” Chef Ramsay shouted, “ All my dishes were fantastic yes, and brilliantly prepared. Every possible ingredient was used. They were arranged to be beautiful to the eyes as well as a smorgasboard of pallette to the taste buds. What possibly could you Donkeys have been thinking when you judged Chief Crazy Captain Christo's Sea Bass Filet Mignon and Oysters over Pumpkin Avocado Buffalo Burgers” Chef Ramsay stormed off the set of the now infamous “Pacific Omaha, Omaha Pacific” challenge or PO-OP challenge.

The judges were unanimous in their admiration for Chief Crazy Captain Christo's dish and were surprised to find out that his dish was really just made out of a carved pumpkin. In short, every last judge asked Chief Crazy Captain Christo how the Hell he pulled off the Greatest upset in the land of Milk and Honey using only a Pumpkin. Here is C.C.C.Christo's response:

....” to all the Good Judges who make it a point to sell their brand of entertainment to the world. My secret ingredient was ......”

All the judges, including Rob Zombie, leaned forward to hear the secret to C.C.C.Christo's successful win over Chef Gordon Ramsay,

“ My secret ingredient is and always has been you Jack Asses,

Art O' Fisher Fillet Vo-Rings.”

It took a while for the hoots and the hoot owls to simmer down but when they finally did and they always do, Chief Crazy Captain Christo walked off the stage and gave each of the judges a freshly cut pumpkin rind in the shape of a G.

So as the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo skateboarded back to his trailer in the park, he stopped to admire the sunsetting as plain as day and exhaled, “ Maybe next time I'll answer the judges the proper way and say something like,

My secret ingredient has been to imitate Ol Chef GORDO, beat him to the punch line,

and exclaim My secret ingredient is and has always been the Jackal Lantern, the Jack O' Lantern

and forevermore the Donkey ho-tay.

Stay tuned when Chief Crazy Captain Christo invites Chef Gordon Ramsay and family to a council meeting to take place sometime in the year 2010 to discuss plans to build Twelve new restaurants around a rock and roll , sports, medicine, movie and of course the Great Pumpkin Letters menu will be delivered to Chef Ramsay if he shows up. Actually, if Chef Ramsay shows up the menu is blank so if he wants to keep the blankety blankety blank out of his dialogue for one hour, we can proceed to design the first seven star restaurant in the history of the Milky Way.

United States Congress 2010: An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

March 11th 2010
Author Christo Strom

This next blog post is a re-issue from 2009. Used with full permission
and full on the meaning will be clear. The other site that this was posted
on was over at a great Article Marketing site called
SOOPER ARTICLES. You can find it by clicking and searching for
Author Christo Strom. At the end of today's post please be sure
to read the P.S. S. ( Pumpkin Script Salutation!)

U.S. CONGRESS: FORT YOU AND YOUR A.I.G: An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo woke up on Halloween 2009 in Minnesota and declared that the United States Congress needs a good ass whoopin. So without sparing the rod, here comes their A.I.G on a silver platter. America, get ready for THE TRUTH TO BE TOLD. Without further ado I give you the letter to wake up a snoring elected mass of idiots. You've all been asleep and you would not believe me.

Dear John F. of Patmos,

Randy Moss is playing well for your beloved Patriots. Meanwhile back at the ranch, your brethren in Congress are busy flopping like crappie on the deck of a ship. Oh well, this CAPTAIN will sweep them overboard and they will find out that Noah's Rage still lives. They have a health plan that is like 4 trillion words long and would take a super computer about one light year to read so I have pretty much written them off as hmm how to put this mildly; a scattered bunch of overpaid windbags that couldn't save a sinking ship if their life depended on it. If I could get real for a minute with you John, my faithful servant, I just would like to tell you how much I still appreciate the work you did. Yeah, besides the Moonshine days, I still love ya. I do have a favor to ask of you though John, so please listen closely. Your brother Ted recently passed as well as Patrick, Michael and Farrah. Welcome your brothers and sisters home. Tell Big J that Chief Crazy Captain Christo has been receiving the message of Faith Hope and Love earnestly and has declared that Omaha Nebraska would be a great place to start building something of TRUE VALUE. I will need some help with the final design and implementation of this building project. Tell Big J that the little girl will get her THEA-TREE HOUSE and I will not waver or faulter on my mission. Please clear a path for me and keep me safe ok? Hope this letter finds you in GOOD HEALTH.

Now John, please tell Big J that I will handle Congress with my own A.I.G. Plan. Let me try it out on you first and you can let me know what you think alrighty then, here goes nothing:

ATTENTION: UNITED STATES CONGRESS 2009

SEEK SHELTER

SEEK SHELTER FROM ( and now this is---)

KEY

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

That is all I have written so far John what do you think? Do you think the overpaid windbags on Capitol Hill can read a simple yet straightforward message. Yeah I didn't think so either. They would probably debate for three years on what I was trying to say. Oh well, I think I'll go now. I hear the doorbell and the trick or treaters are here. Hey do you guys celebrate Halloween up there John. It is probably my favorite holiday besides let's see Thansksgiving, Independence Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Presidents Day, Canada Boxing Day, Valentines Day, Boss Day, Secretary's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, National Crazy Horse Day, Easter, Super Bowl 44 2010, let's see did I leave any holiday out? Whoap gotta go, the trick or treaters are here. Oh wow there's an Obama Thriller costume, a Scary Spice girl and hey it looks like a ghost with twelve holes cut in the costume. Hey it's the REAL Charlie Brown, way to go Brownie here have a rock. Thanks for staying in tune with me John. Now if you wouldn't mind telling Pigpen and Jim Morrision that yes I haven't forgot ten their tunes either. I got big plans for the future if I can just get past 2012. Say a prayer John!

Later Prez, and as always Respectfully in Truth,

The O-Range Blob of Light(ning),

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

P.S. ( Pumpkin Script) Give Thanks and Praise America the Beautiful!!!!!!!

P.S.S. ( Pumpkin Script Salutation) Since it is now 2010, I thought I would

add a GET READY for Americans to witness the sheer power of

what CHIEF CRAZY CAPTAIN CHRISTO has in store.

Can you say " JAW DROPPING AWESOMENESS"

Stay tuned and Congress 2010 - Omaha Nebraska Click Here

Sarah Palin: Sarah's Palindrome-An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

March Ninth 2010
Author Christo Strom

This is a reprint from an article I had published at
SOOPER ARTICLES. It will be part of the Foreword
of a series of letters that are now being called
THE GREAT PUMPKIN LETTERS.
Since I wrote this last year, Sarah Palin has written
a book, resigned as Governor of Alaska and is busy
making speeches like at The Tea Party convention
in Tennessee. I still think she should introduce me
someday and perhaps go one on one with me
Chief Crazy Captain Christo, in a bball game.
What say you Mrs. Palin. Are you up for a game?

Here is the Pumpkin Letter Enjoy!

Sarah Palin: Sarah's Palindrome- An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo became intrigued with Sarah Palin long before she lost her last name of Heath. You could say their paths have been intertwined as far back as 1982 and yet they have never met. Until the year 2010 came along. Let's just unwind the clock back to 2008 and the meteoric rise that is known as “ Sarah's Smile”( Author's note: Smile is to be construed as : St. Paul's meteorepublican in Limelight xcel energy) .

It was 2008 and the media attention on both the Democratic and Republican National Conventions was business as usual. It seems Denver had a relativley mild convention compared to the Ruckus known as the RNC in St. Paul. With protesters and mudslingers hiding in the open streets of St. Paul, Chief Crazy Captain Christo thought it more appropriate to learn some tunes on the guitar. After playing the old beast till his fingers bled, the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo heard the thunderous roar of a crowd cheering for someone he had never heard of before. Who is Sarah Palin and wow! Instant hook line and sinker! The wheels of his mind went into turbo charge mode and he said,” She's going to introduce ME someday.”

Chief Crazy Captain Christo darted off to his secluded hide a way and within minutes he drew up a map and then drew up the plans for the speech that Mrs. Palindrome would deliver in O-O-O-MAHA.

You see Sarah Palin deserves better treatment and C.C.C.Christo knows how to deliver. Fast forward to the year 2009 and pay close attention. In just two hours after her meeting with Paul Teutul,Sr. from

Orange County Choppers, Sarah Palin was visited by Chief Crazy Captain Christo. Bathed in an Orange Blob of Light, Sarah was FRIGHTENED. The Light spoke to Sarah like this: ( Author's note: for this conversation Sarah Palin is shown as SAPA, ryhmes with ZAPPA.

O-Range Blob of Light- “ I have seen your work and it is GOOD! Meet me in Omaha on July 9^th 2010 and we shall discuss plans for building a BRIDGE-O.”

SAPA:” HO NO! Not me buddy! I'm done with the Bridge to Nowhere jokes and such. I've got other plans with my life. Count me out! Hey who are you and how did you get past Todd?

O-Range Blob of Light- “ I souped up his Arctic Cat and he's off racing around Alaska! “

SAPA- “ Great! Well you know what they say when the Cat's a way. What can I do you for? What's your name and what's with the Orange glowing light you are shining?

O-Range Blob of Light-” My name is Chief Crazy Captain Christo and the Orange light you are seeing is just Moons over Miami. I shine this light when I feel a big win coming at the Super Bowl.”

SAPA-” Oh yeah well I would have thought it was for a basketball game. Did you know I used to play ball up here in Alaska? State champs in 82 Baby!~”

O-Range Blob of Light-” ...errr uhhh yeahhh! That is kind of why I am up here. You see, there is a little girl who will never have the opportunity you did Sarah. If I could have your support in this important matter, you could be the Hero once again. I need your influence and charisma to channel the right people to get involved. I have designed a 7.200 seat, handicapped accessible arena. I call it a “ Thea-Tree House” but it is way more than that. I am going to unveil the plans in 2010 and would really appreciate it if you could lend your support. It is kind of elaborate and will cost a pretty penny. I am kind of short on time to explain it but do you understand where I am coming from?”

SAPA-” Let me get this straight. You want me to bring the big money supporters together for a Thea Tree House” For a little girl? 7,200 seat ...... Count me in! Hey Chief Crazy Captain Christo, what about the title of this letter. Where's the Palindrome?”

O-Range Blob of Light-” Even though that would be an excellent name for the Thea Tree House, your Palindrome Sarah is “ ReppeR” It is pronounced with rolling your tongue at the first and last R's. Whoa look at the time. I gotta go vroom now so . Sorry to RUSH IN on ya but time is a valuable commodity.”

And out the door he went. Leaving only a hint of what is to come, Chief Crazy Captain Christo smiled and said,

“ I wonder if Sharon Osbourne would help as well!”

Stay tuned for more releases of The Great Pumpkin Letters!

Senator Al Franken: An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

March Eighth 2010
Author Christo Strom

This next blog post was reprinted with permission from The Author
( Hey That's me!!) It was originally posted on an article marketing site
SOOPER ARTICLES

Before I begin, I would just like to say to all in Public Office, you are
under oath and if I catch you in a lie, it would be best to resign because
I am Chief Crazy Captain Christo and I am THE TRUTH.

One last thing, there is an ELEPHANT in America and it aint Republican.
There is an ASS in America and it aint Democratic Donkey.
Pay attention to THE TRUTH and you will never go wrong again!

Ok with that being said on with the reprint of Senator AL Franken
D.-MN

This a copy of an actual letter from The Great Pumpkin Letters. The author states that he wishes it to become reality by Christmas 2009, with the actual game to be played in October 2010. Please read this with a sense of urgency and a sense of humor. The actual game will be organized around Jan 1 2010 to July 9^th 2010.

SENATOR AL FRANKEN D.MN: Read this to your Senator Friends and Read it backwards to Bob Weir:) Dear ALL, ( sorry the L on my keyboard got stuck)

My name is The Great Pumpkin and I am on a mission. Chief Crazy Captain Christo is a character in a screen play based on the greatest character ever created by one of St. Paul's finest, Charles Schultz.

“ When the Chief gets Crazy” is Chief Crazy Captain Christo's calling card or in layman's term his call to action.

The reason I am writing to you Mister Senator Al Franken is this: Hey I know you are going to be in Minnesota on October 3^rd and I may even show up to show my support for Rebecca Otto , State Auditor or in my case as a line from Ramble on Rose:

“ Just like Crazy Otto...” ,

But Al pay attention here. I am going to make you and Rebecca Otto earn my support. Quite Frankly, I am tired of seeing or hearing about Billions of dollars going to Insurance Companies. “When the Chief Gets Crazy”! Now I was going to give around one hundred dollars to the cause you are attending but whatever, right Al? I'll up the ante to a whopping three hundred dollars if you will answer three questions for me. ( Authors note: Here is where you have to use your imagination and imagine Chief Crazy Captain Christo interviewing Senator Al Franken in person)

C.C.C.Christo- Ok Al , I'll set the ground rules: Every question I ask you must answer back

using the words “ That would be....” For example, if I asked you the question what song did the Grateful Dead play on Saturday Night Live where Bob Weir was wearing Rabbit Ears, you answer me with the words ,” That would be... Casey Jones” Got it Al?

Sen. Franken nods his head and grins and grimaces at the same time. That is hard to do!

C.C.C.Christo- Ok Al ,and lastly, each answer after you state “That would be” is a one word answer. So each word is worth one hundred dollars. Casey Jones was just to throw you off track! Ok, here we go. First question: What character did John Belushi hate to play on Saturday Night Live. Remember Al to only use one word and the word has to be singular.

Sen Franken-” That would be Bee”

C.C.C.Christo- “Excellent Al. One hundred dollars to the Good Senator from Minnesota. Ok , next question: What answer did Jerry Garcia give to a punch line to one of his jokes on youtube? This is a little tougher than the last one and remember Al it has to be singular.

Sen Franken- “That would be Bee.”

C.C.C.Christo-”Wow! Two hundred dollars so far Al. Ok, last question: This is for all the marbles so I won't keep you In the Dark any longer. Here is The three hundred dollar question- “ If Americans had their choice, which choice would they eliminate between these two sayings :

I want to own the American Dream

I want to rent the American Dream

Remember Al, it has to be a one word answer,

Sen. Franken, laughing hysterically because he knows the answer replies,

“ That would be RENT”

So in conclusion Chief Crazy Captain Christo and Senator Al Franken shared a good laugh, listened to WE CAN RUN by BEE BEE RENT and Senator Al Franken agreed to use the three hundred dollars to buy one top of the line leather basketball to give to the Obama children at Christmas time. Next up in Chief Crazy Captain Christo's sight is Governor Tim Pawlenty R.MN. Stay tuned

RESPECTFULLY IN TRUTH

CHIEF CRAZY CAPTAIN CHRISTO

P.S. ( that's Pumpkin Script) Since Al Franken was helping the Sandbaggers up north, March 7th 2010
I will be doing something special for Senator Al Franken. Only because it would be the
right thing to do. Thank you Al Franken.

Ivanka Trump: A Damn Ivanka-Great Pumpkin Letters

March 6th 2010
THREE SIX ( No Coin SA Dents allowed!)

Author Christo Strom

aka
Chief Crazy Captain Christo
O-Range Blob of Light
Munko Christo
and tons of other goofy characters
Pay attention

This next excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters was originally posted on an
article marketing site ( Soopper Articles dot com!). So it is being reproduced
with complete cooperation from the author. Oh hey that's me Christo Strom!
Enjoy and lastly IVANKA TRUMP I will raise the anchor for you!

Respectfully in Truth,

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

Ok here it is

In this shortened version of The Great Pumpkin Letters, Chief Crazy Captain Christo is confident he will be able to persuade Ivanka Trump to agree to a business proposal. After all, it is not everyday that you are asked to help create a tree house, with said opening of the tree house in the shape of a carved out pumpkin. We interrupt this letter as Chief Crazy Captain Christo musters up the courage of ten Daniels in the Lion's Den. The letter to Ivanka begins:
Where to begin Ivanka? How about from the heart of Chief Crazy Captain Christo to you Ivanka. This is a magical letter with great powers if you know how to read between the lions. I have a business proposal for you from me. Business will blossom and this one will grow over the next 20-24 years to completion. I am looking for a strong business woman who would like to run my " MotherShip". This carries extreme responsibility that can only be described as " The Most Important Tree House Ever to Be Built." I have a guest list that I would like you Ivanka to peruse at your earliest convenience. You see, the guest list is private, and as you can
imagine, by invitation only.
(Author's note: Chief Crazy Captain Christo stopped writing and wondered aloud if Ivanka was going to keep her last name of Trump. You see The Donald's little princess is getting married to Jared Kushner) I would love to tell you all about the project in person, say July 9th 2010 down in Omaha Nebraska. I am trying to pull off a get together with Warren Buffett to help him honor Benjamin Graham. I asked Warren to prepare me a skateboard ramp with three feet of vertical half pipe, with a Dimebag Darrell Electric Razorback Explosiion guitar and an amplifier with a microphone. I am going to put on a show and I have a few surprises up my sleeve. I noticed on the Apprentice that you seemed to like Trace Adkins. I can't promise any of his tunes but I do have a huge respect for him and Country music. My tastes tend to lean more to hard
rock but I am flexible to all ranges of music. The project I would like for you to take charge of is for a little girl. I will fill you in on all the details when we first meet. Like I said before, " I am Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo and I have been guided to this land to meet up with you Ivanka. Of all the people on the Planet, the author of this huge undertaking has picked you
and there are no second or third choices. Just you Ivanka!!!!!!! I will give you time to think about it. Even if the event in Omaha never materializes, the project is still a go. Tell your future husband Jared or by the time you read this Mrs Ivanka Kushner, that he is invited to
participate as well. I don't travel in packs or have photographers hounding me. I walk with a confident swagger and can ice skate and play guitar backwards at the same time. I am a risk taker and I am risking nothing by asking you to take part Ivanka. I do not believe in failure. Please say you will meet with me. The window of opportunity for this project Ivanka is July 9th 2010 to July 9th 2012. After which if you have not agreed in principle, I will shed 31 tears in private and move on to finding someone who will see the magic in this Chief Crazy Captain Christo's HEART. Remember Ivanka, no one has ever seen The Great Pumpkin rise.
You will be given the power to make The Great Pumpkin visible to everyone!
In order for me to know you are serious, The Great One ( as the Great Pumpkin is so fond of reminding me:) has asked me to inform you that you are to go before The United States Congress in Washington D.C. And speak of what I have told you. Tell Congress that Chief Crazy Captain Christo has his own A.I.G. That will speak volumes to unbelievers! To say that there will be a lot of jaws dropping would be an understatement. So in conclusion what say you Ivanka? There's a little girl who is depending on you and me and anyone who wants to volunteer. Are you up to the challenge?
Respectfully in Truth,
Chief Crazy Captain Christo
P.S.( that's Pumpkin Script) Ivanka, tell your Dad that I would be interested in full disclosure of the Tree House with twelve to thirteen "limbs" attached. It would be easier to describe in person and show you some paintings of the actual place. But I want interactive feedback and to be honest a smile from you would be nice. That's it.

Now the Ball is firmly in your court IVANKA TRUMP!!!!!

Thea Andrews : Thea Tree House

Thea Andrews 2010: Thea Tree House -An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Author Christo Strom

Chief Crazy Captain Christo looked up in the sky and then looked at his calendar. Hmm, by the angle of the moon and with the Sun coming up any second now, he noticed it was March 2010. It

happens in threes he mumbled. To no one in particular. So the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo decided the day was drawing nearer. The DAY! It is just a day so remember it happens in threes.

Or in this case Thea Tres ( left one e out and you get a whole other meaning. If you catch my drift. Kind of like a snow drift without the snow. But this one will be a Show drift with a show. Pay attention my good readers!)

In this abbreviated version of The Great Pumpkin Letters, Chief Crazy Captain Christo is starting his real mission in life. You see he is nearing the end of his run on the planet and he wants to leave behind the LEGACY. What legacy you ask? If you have been following The Great Pumpkin Letters you might have noticed a few common threads running through the story. Believe it or not, these letters have been the part before the actual story is to begin. If I am writing this right, they have been the Foreword to the actual book. So without further ado, this is the last letter in the Foreword before the real story begins.

To set the scene up, Chief Crazy Captain Christo is in the process of transforming into The O-Range Blob of Light. Only this time, he is wearing the coolest Hockey mask ever created. To describe it would be like describing the Mona Lisa to a Garbage Collector. It wouldn't make any sense. So use your imagination and picture what the coolest hockey mask on Earth would be and then multiply by infinity. Ok got the picture in your mind. That is how cool it is! After his transformation was

complete, Chief Crazy Captain Christo remembered what Dimebag Darrell said in his eeery visitation.

“ Hey Black Tooth Grinner, I loved hockey!”. So he flew up to Canada to meet with none other than Thea Andrews.

For this shortened conversation, Thea Andrews is going by the name of ALTHEA ( which stands for America Loves Thea, and just coincidentally happens to be a song in the vast Grateful Dead song book)

Chief Crazy Captain Christo is going by the unusual and fascinating name of TYPE ( author's note: Ty Pennington, of Extreme Makeover hit TV show) Chief Crazy Captain Christo is hovering above Thea Andrews, who is a bit frightened but in a good mood, and is giving the performance of his life. So here it is, the conversation between ALTHEA and TYPE. Enjoy!

ALTHEA: “ Wowww! Honey, come quick. There's the coolest apparition I have ever seen. Hovering above me is this O-Range Blob of Light with the coolest hockey mask I have ever seen. I think he is trying to speak.”

TYPE ( authors's note: Chief Crazy Captain Christo can only act like Ty Pennington but sounds nothing like him! For real!): “ Thea Andrews, you have been selected to be the only person on THE PLANET

worthy enough for this building project. It has been tentatively named um how do I say this right. It has been tentatively named THEA TREE HOUSE. The project is extremely detailed and involves stuff that you see on my hit TV show Extreme Makeover......”

ALTHEA ( laughing hysterically): “ Woah, stop right there, hahahahaha, you aren't Ty Pennington. You don't sound anything like him. Who are you and what are you talking about a Thea Tree House. You know I have lawyers and anything with my name on it has to be pre-approved.”

TYPE:” Very well Thea, you caught me. My name is Chief Crazy Captain Christo and I am on a mission. It involves building a Thea Tree House for a little American girl who will need our help in the future. It is an extremely complicated building process but is extremely easy to explain. What I am asking you THEA ANDREWS is to accept the position of Entertainment Hostess for when we open up the doors to this place sometime in 2015 , earlier if I get extreme cooperation. The actual name of the place is being withheld for obvious reasons. Don't worry, it won't be named Thea Tree House cause I know all about lawyers and such. But I will say this THEA. You will kick yourself for the rest of your life if you don't come check this out. So I am asking on bended knee ( author's note: The O-Range Blob of Light with the coolest Hockey mask lowered himself down and was kneeling on both knees!)

Thea Andrews, will you please help me out and show up between the dates of July 9^th 2010 and July 9^th 2012. Down in Omaha Nebraska at a place to be determined by following along. Since I doubt you have been reading the Great Pumpkin Letters, I'll catch you up to speed. I only hang out in Minnesota, Nebraska and Colorado. Although my reputation takes me everywhere! Will you please help me out?”

ALTHEA: “ On one condition Chief Crazy Captain Christo”

TYPE: “ What's that Thea?”

ALTHEA: “ I will do my best to show up if you leave me the Hockey Mask”

All of a sudden there were earthquakes and lightning strikes and the sound of Thundering Tornados ripping through Thea Andrews home. This lasted for seven minutes. When it was over, Thea Andrews looked on the ground and there it was

ALTHEA: “ That was impressive Chief Crazy 'Captain Christo.” But he was no where to be found. He did as he was told and left Thea Andrews the coolest Hockey mask on the Planet. Stay tuned everyone. The foreword of The Great Pumpkin Letters is now complete. Next up the STORY you have all been waiting for. At least I bet Rob Zombie has been waiting for. The meeting of Chief Crazy Captain Christo and Alice Cooper! It is going to be a rip roaring spectacle when a professional shock rocker meets the amateur that well you'll just have to wait and see now won't you!