Duane "DOG" Chapman

Ground Dog Day February 2nd 2010
To honor the DOG on his day, I thought you might like a little humor so enjoy!

Snoopy Part 1 of 7: The Dog Chapman Bowl- An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo was reminiscing the other day and came up with a brilliant plan.

While watching Snoopy carrying his dog bowl in his mouth, the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo

shrieked out loud,

“ Eureka, a golden nugget is passing my way. Watch out for Salty Sea Dog Legs and pay attention Tiger Pawns, er I mean Prawns,”

He got on the Hot Line and called up none other than Dog Chapman, the WORLD famous BOUNTY HUNTER. But the line was busy. Ah, a lawman's work is always busy. So Chief Crazy Captain Christo thought,

“ HMMM, if I can't get a hold of the Dog maybe I will bring the BOWL to the Dog!”

So with the immortal courage of a confident carpet cleaner, the Good Chief set out to find Dog.

Within 45 nanoseconds he found the Dog hot on the chase of another Meth addict and let the Dog have his day. After the arrest was complete, Chief Crazy Captain Christo disguised himself. Instead of the normal O-Range Blob of Light, he disguised himself as a PERFECT O-Range BOWL. To describe the O-Range Bowl would not do it justice but I will try anyway, Here is the description:

Like an almost perfect circle, it is made of all wood. On the top of the bowl is coping where skateboarders do the grinding ( sparks fly people!) There is always a beautiful scent of a fine ash and with smoke billowing over the top from barbecuing down below. On this particular day, the bowl was smokin hot. I now bring you the exact words from Dog Chapman and his wife Beth. Their names have been changed here to McDog and McBeth to protect their privacy.

McDog:” Hey Beth, where did that bowl come from?”

McBeth:” I don't know but I think Johnny B. Garcia is hiding in there. Let's go check it out Dog!”

McDog:” Cover me Beth. I'm goin in. Keep the cameras rolling. I've never seen anything like this.

Wow wee! What a bowl!”

As the two awesome bounty hunters peeked inside the O-Range Bowl, they were mesmerized by what they saw. Down at the bottom of the bowl, where the smoke was originating, a lone figure wearing an O-Range chef's apron and one O-Range sock was turning a rack of lamb on his weber grill.

This is where the introduction of the most famous character of all time comes into play. Pay attention here folks, it is the character you wish you could be but you don't have the b***s or no balls as the case may be. Listen and learn.

McDog was the first to draw his weapon.

McDog: “ Hey Bra! We got you surrounded. Give it up or we will taser you right here in your O-Range Bowl”

McBeth:” Get him Dog!”

But the tasers had no effect whatsoever on this now incensed character played by Chief Crazy Captain Christo. Now for the moment you have all been waiting for, the introduction of ZING.

Zing can always be seen at a barbecue listening to Rob Zombie's What? Thumpin in the background.

Zing is what you could call the Over Delivery Guy or O.D.G for those who like to shorten descriptions.

Even though the tasers had no effect, he didn't want to hurt McDog or McBeth's FEELINGS ( nothing more than FEELINGS) so he did what Zing does best. It hurts to describe this but here goes. Zing did the Electrifried Crappy Flop that went on for exactly three minutes and thirty three seconds. After the performance of a lifetime, Zing casually got up and gave McDog and McBeth a lesson they will never forget. Here is what Zing said.

ZING “ Must you always prove you are the TOP Dog. I was preparing a wonderful world of delightful dishes and you have to come in an taser me on the spot. Dog and Beth, I just wanted to say Thank You for all your hard work and was going to surprise you with a welcome home Dog and Beth party with my famous rack of Lamb that tastes divine but I guess you will have to wait till the Eighth letter I write. Now if you will forgive me I have six more Snoopy letters to write. With that Zing and his O-Range Bowl vanished into thin air. Stay tuned for the next six Snoopy versions of The Great Pumpkin Letters.