Albert Pujols : Left Field Eyeore and 100 Acre Pumpkin Patch

Albert Pujols : Left Field Eyeore and the 100 Acre Pumpkin Patch

     Chief Crazy Captain Christo had to think fast.  Halloween 2011 was fast

approaching and Penelope Cruz was no where in sight. So he did the

unthinkable.  He disguised himself as a blade of green grass in left field

at the 2011 World Series.  It was Game three between the Texas Rangers

and the Saint Louis Cardinals.  He stood in Left Field right under the E

in the GEICO sign.  Albert Pujols had already hit two home  runs and it

was the bottom of the seventh inning.  Nelson Cruz was up to bat and

then it hit him.  Pure Genius in the 7^th Inning.  He was just about to

transform from a blade of Green Grass to the Orange Blob of Baseball

Light when Chief Crazy Captain Christo looked behind him and saw a fan

slowly winding up to throw something.  He had to move fast in order to

protect the St. Louis Cardinals Matt Holliday from certain disaster.  So

he froze time and everything in it and casually walked up to Albert Pujols

who was playing 1^st base at the time.

Now here is the conversation between Albert Pujols and Chief Crazy Captain

Christo. Albert Pujols is going by the name of Sluggy Bear and Chief Crazy

Captain Christo is going as L.F. iKNOW.  Please enjoy this spoof of the Great

Pumpkin Letters at the World Series 2011.

Sluggy Bear, looking around at everything frozen in time, except  an Orange

Blob of Baseball Light, spoke first: “ What the hell is going on here?”

L F iKNOW, singing, “ It’s a Joe Buck dancers choice my friend , you  better take

my advice, you know all the rules by now and the fire from the ice.”

Sluggy Bear: “ Wow, I must be tripping. An Orange Blob of Baseball Light that is

singing out of tune and it mentioned Joe Buck”

LF iKNOW : Hey Albert it is I Chief Crazy Captain Christo .  Look I’ve only got one

chance to do this right so here it is.  Look out in the Left Field bleachers and the

person that is the seventh person from the left is going to throw a ball at Matt

Holliday.  He would have hit him squarely on the head but I want you to notice

that I am keeping with a theme during the Great Pumpkin Letters.  I already know

that Warren Buffett was a no show so he’s out.  Anyways, watch very closely at the

projection of the ball that is thrown in left field.

Sluggy Bear: What like some kind of game of charades?  I am supposed to figure out

a word from the trajectory of the throw?

LF iKNOW : Yes Albert, and I will give you a hint.  He plays a Donkey in the Winnie the

Pooh story.”

Sluggy Bear, getting irate, “ Wait just a cotton picking minute here.  Are you making

fun of my name because you think it sounds like a children’s story Bears Ass?”

LF iKNOW : Pay attention Albert, by the way two games from now you will miss the

third base coaches sign in a Cardinal loss, now pay attention Mr. Pujols this is pure genius!

Sluggy Bear: “ It sounded like you said POOH Genius but Ok Ok sorry

Mr. Orange Blob of Baseball Light. I will watch the throw

from left field and give you my answer.  I am ready for you to unfreeze time so I can

see."

What was the  Orange Blob of Baseball Light trying to get through to Albert Pujols?

Will Penelope Cruz ever be found? And why wasn't Tim "Pumpkin "McCarver 
mentioned in this story about baseball? Stay tuned for you never know what will happen

with Chief Crazy Captain Christo.  This has been another edition of the Great Pumpkin

Letters.  Please read responsibly.

Respectfully in TRUTH,

Author Christo Strom

Sole Owner of Orange Race Card Angels

Head of Angel Promotions

Beyonce: Bagging Up Z's Candy before the Orange Race

Beyonce: Bagging Up Z’s Candy before the Orange Race

Chief Crazy Captain Christo decided to start the New Year off by not making any resolutions. He decided a long time ago to gather together a super group of female artists to help him bridge the gap between professionalism and just plain crappy entertainment. In this abbreviated version of The Great Pumpkin Letters, Chief Crazy Captain Christo is going where no man has gone before. He is going to hover above Beyonce as an O-Range Blob of Light Fishing Nets. Two O-Range Fishing Nets to be exact. Here is exactly what happened when Chief Crazy Captain Christo accidentally fell on Beyonce. Her name has been changed to Z-GR ( pronounced ZZZeeeeGGGIRRR) because she is married to Jay Z. Chief Crazy Captain Christo’s name has been changed to O.W.L. For reasons known only to him. Here it is people ENJOY!

Scene set up, picture two rather clumsy O-Range Fishing Nets collapsing on top of Beyonce who is both startled and mortified.

Z-GR- ” What the…?”

O.W.L-” Beyonce, sorry for the intrusion, but I need your help. I am gathering up top notch performers and since I believe you qualify for top notch, will you help out?”

Z-GR-” What? Jesus Frankenstein Jumpin Jahosephat! I must be outta my mind. A talking O-Range Blob of Light Fishing Nets. Get offa me this instant!”

O.W.L. ” As you wish. But before I get offa you, I would like to offa you a golden opportunity Beyonce. You see there is a little girl who needs our help. She is crying oh so softly for a chance reunion. That is all I can say at this point. It will take extreme cooperation on everyone’s part. At this moment, I am gathering up hot female artists not because I think they are hot. I know they are hot! Smokin hot! But because I need your help in preventing one little girl’s heart from experiencing the final silence of a cold icy end when most people just give up and die.”

The moment these words had floated away from the icy cold O-Range Blob of Light Fishing Nets, he appeared before Beyonce. Standing in front of Beyonce for the first time in all his GLORY, the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo extended an arm of friendship and asked her once again.

O.W.L. ” I would get down on bended knee but that would be an insult to your husband Jay Z. So instead I stand before you in all my O-Range Glory to ask you to help me perform a child’s story. About a little girl whom we all have seen before. But this time I’m asking for your time and a little more. Let’s build a Theatrical Tree House one that welcomes all. If you can hear me Beyonce will you help me plan The Ball. I promise to show up and help in any way. But I need you Beyonce my time is slipping away. I’ve been here long enough but soon I will be gone. Will you help me pull this off, come on stage and together we’ll sing a song. With Seventy Nine Suite Ladies and one O-Range Blob of Light. We’ll sing a song so beautiful, one that turns the day into a stronger light. I will end this little version of The Great Pumpkin Letters like this, If you answer yes Beyonce then give my cheek a kiss. That will be a sign that you will come on board, sorry for falling on you with fish nets, but it was all I could afford.”

With rivers of tears falling off of Chief Crazy Captain Christo’s face and on to his electric Dimebag Razorback Explosion guitar, he stood there waiting for either a slap in the face or a belly laugh and a ” Hell no!’ from Beyonce. But that didn’t happen. Instead, he opened his eyes and could not believe it. Beyonce ran off stage crying hysterically but not for long. She brought her husband Jay Z back on stage with her. But Jay Z stopped short. About ten feet short of Chief Crazy Captain Christo. Something pulled him back but Beyonce kept coming. She planted a kiss on Chief Crazy Captain Christo’s cheek and the transformation began. Out of New York they flew till they were perched on a hill near Omaha Nebraska. But Jay Z was missing. Beyonce inquired where her husband was. Chief Crazy Captain Christo explained to Beyonce that during the transformation, Jay Z called the Great Pumpkin a jerk so now Jay Z is stuck in Jer Z with Chief Crazy Captain Christo’s crazy Aunt named Jemima Pancakenstein. This has been another abbreviated installment of The Great Pumpkin Letters. Stay Tuned America!

Respectfully IN Truth,

Christo Strom

Sole Owner of Orange Race Card Angels

Head of Angel Promotions

Orange Race: Joy Valencia Don't Wake the Lioness

Joy Valencia = Don’t Wake the Lioness

In Chief Crazy Captain Christo’s finest hour, he took the red eye

from Houston, Texas after a disasterous meeting with a young

singer from Texas.  Flying on the red eye from Texas, he landed

at LAX and proceeded in an orange Dodge Charger with Black

and Gold Lightning bolts on the hood, to search for one Joy

Valencia.

Now in case you have been living under ground or under a rock,

Joy Valencia is, well, she’s hard to label within her musical world.

But this is a story about the Great Pumpkin Letters and Chief

Crazy Captain Christo knows how to Wake this Lioness.

But before we go any FURTHUR ( shameless plug of the band FURTHUR)

I want to remind the readers of what happens when you try to

wake LINUS.  You know LINUS, he’s Charlie Brown’s friend and one of

the Peanuts gang.  Here take a look at the sleeping Linus before

we get back to the story.

Now, out of sheer luck, Chief Crazy Captain Christo happened to run into

Joy Valencia in Los Angeles.  He had checked in earlier in the day at the

VEGAN Hotel in the hopes that the Orange Miracle he had heard about

from reading the ONION was true.  It wasn’t but out of sheer coincidence

there she was relaxing all by herself in the hotel’s JACUZZI , surrounded

by Palm Trees and the beautiful white light of a full moon.

Here is the conversation between Chief Crazy Captain Christo and Joy Valencia.

ENJOY. Joy Valencia’s name is JOY VAA ( Pronounced JOY VAY )

JOY VAA – “ Hey man what’s up? Nice night to be staying at the VEGAN HOTEL

This hot tub is just what I need to relax.  I have to lay down some vocals on my

next album and this gets me in the mood to really let loose and belt out …..

Joy Valencia went on for another twenty minutes before she stopped and said,

JOY VAA –“ Well enough about me, what are you doing in Los Angeles and what is

your name?"

CCCChristo –“ My name is Chief Crazy Captain Christo and I am writing a book called

the Orange Race.  I am in search of at least 72 female singers who would write a song

to compliment the 56 Chapters in each book”

JOY VAA –“ 56 Chapters?  How many books are you planning on writing? “

CCCChristo : “ Between 4 and 6 Books “

JOY VAA –“ And each Book has 56 Chapters?”

CCCChristo : “ Yes “

JOY VAA –“ And you want 72 female singer/songwriters ?  But that doesn’t fit. You

are writing a book with 56 Chapters.  72 and 56 doesn’t make any sense”

CCCChristo : “ Some Chapters will have more than one song in them.”

JOY VAA: “ OH ok I see, and you want me to write a song for the Orange Race?”

CCCChristo: “ Well actually, you already did.  Your song Don’t Wake the Lion will

fit in perfectly.”

JOY VAA : “ You already picked my song?”

CCCChristo :” That is if you agree.  When you agree, then you will have entered your

song in the Orange Race.  I will be able to write your part into the book and at the end

you will get a reward.”

JOY VAA :” What kind of reward?”

CCCChristo : “ Look over there?”

JOY VAA : “ Where?  All I see is Jeannie with her new boyfriend”

CCCChristo:” No, over there! You see that Orange Charger with Black and Gold Lightning

Bolts on the hood?  Well, as part of the Orange Race, you will be able to pick out

something similar that I am sure your husband would be more than thrilled to drive you

around in”

JOY VAA : “ Oh Hell no, that will be my baby!!!”

CCCChristo : “ Suit yourself Joy!  But anyway, think about it ok.  The Orange Race and

all the details will be coming shortly.  For now I have to go.  The Great Pumpkin Letters

has a lot of ground to cover.  It was great meeting you here.  Happy Halloween!”

And with that Chief Crazy Captain Christo was off on his Country Wide adventure.

Respectfully in TRUTH,

Author Christo Strom

Sole Owner of Orange Race Card Angels

Head of Angel Promotions

Payton Rae's Orange Sunburst Angels

Payton Rae: Orange Sunburst Angels

In a dramatic twist of fate, Chief Crazy Captain Christo decided to

call of the search for Penelope Cruz and jetted over from Miami Beach,

Florida to Houston Texas where he met up with the singer who sings

the song Not Your Cinderella.   

In this chance meeting, Payton Rae

was in the middle of a Stop the Bullying Campaign when she noticed

a blindingly bright Orange Light in the audience.  She stopped her

speech in mid sentence and demanded to know who was shining the

Orange Light.  We now join in on the conversation between Payton Rae

and Chief Crazy Captain Christo.

P.Rae – “ Hey Old Dude.  This is my world you just walked into. What

the heck is that Orange Light all about anyway?”

CCCChristo <( + )> - “ Sorry Payton but I need to discuss something with

you.  It’s about the Orange Race”

P.Rae- “ Hey Old Dude.  I’m in the middle of a very important school

issue about bullying and I need you to get off my stage”

CCCChristo <( + )> “ Just hear me out Ms. Rae. I flew in all the way from

Florida, canceled my journey to find Penelope Cruz, just so I could come

up to you to give you this.”

Chief Crazy Captain Christo handed Payton Rae an Orange Sunburst Angel

globe that looked like a Great big Pumpkin that lit up everytime Payton

Rae spoke.

P.Rae- “ You came all that way to give me a gift?  What for?"

CCCChristo <( + )> “ Because I heard it was your birthday”

P.Rae- “ Hey Old Dude, that’s so sweet. What’s your name?”

CCCChristo –“ Chief Crazy Captain Christo “

P.Rae- “ Well, Chief Crazy Captain Christo, YESTERDAY was my birthday.

SECURITY, SECURITY “

CCCChristo- “ Exit Stage Left”

and with that Chief Crazy Captain Christo decided to resume his search for

the one and only Penelope Cruz.

Stay Tuned!

Author Christo Strom

Sole Owner of Orange Race Card Angels

Head of Angel Promotions

You walk in the room and all the girls talk

I guess you get used to most of them falling

down at your feet

'cause you got the charm

and the debonair down

so tall and dark

like you just came out

of some kind of fairytale dream

(ooh ooh) baby you're something

(ooh ooh)

but I'm not your Cinderella

You're not the one in a million fella

The slipper ain't gonna fit me

Give my regards to Mr. Disney

Oh I'm no sleeping beauty

One kiss alone won't do it to me

Hate to be the one to tell ya

oh but I'm not your Cinderella

I don't know if I believe in love at first sight

Think it might need just a little more time to grow and be real

so keep up the laughter

and rambling on at the strike of midnight it's gonna be gone

cause this ain't a heart you can steal

(ooh ooh)

baby you're something

(ooh ooh)

But I'm not your Cinderella

You're not the one in a million fella

The slipper ain't gonna fit me

Give my regards to Mr. Disney

Oh I'm no sleeping beauty

One kiss alone won't do it to me

I hate to be the one to tell ya

oh but I'm not your Cinderella

baby you're something (ooh ooh)

I'm not your Cinderella

No, I'm not your Cinderella

You're not the one in a million fella

The slipper ain't gonna fit me

Give my regards to Mr. Disney

oh I'm no sleeping beauty

One kiss alone wont do it to me

Hate to be the one to tell ya

oh but I'm not your Cinderella

Jerry Garcia: Return of Midnight Frankenstein

Jerry Garcia : The Return of Midnight Frankenstein

     In a rare interview from beyond the grave, Jerry Garcia

meets up with Chief Crazy Captain Christo to discuss the building

of an amusement park named

MIDNIGHT FRANKENSTEIN

here in it’s entirety is the secret interview.  Enjoy

Jerry Garcia :  Yea Yea yea I remember it like it was yesterday man.

You were out in the audience at Irvine Meadows and I was sending

you these COSMIC cards of electric jolts of blind lightning.

CCCChristo: Yeah but there was this girl in front of me on the lawn

who was catching all the cards, so I never got the message of what

you were throwing down that night. 

Jerry Garcia:  Far out you did see those cards I was throwing. Cool!

So what is this I hear you are planning an Orange Race in 2012?

CCCChristo: Yeah, I am in the process of doing a thing with the National

Debt which by the way is hovering around 14 Trillion.

Jerry Garcia: Oh  yeah that thing. What a monster!

CCCChristo: The reason I called you here  Jerry was because I want to branch

out into the Amusement Park Industry to kick Disney’s ass from here to

Timbuctu.

Jerry Garcia: Well then, you will have had to have been born in a desert as Bob

Weir used to be so fond of singing.

CCCChristo: I was.

Jerry Garcia: OH ok you are the one ok yeah uh huh I get it now. You are the one.

CCCChristo: Yep!

Jerry Garcia: OK then here is what you need to do.  It seems to me you are going

about it a little too slowly.

CCCChristo: What do you mean?

Jerry Garcia: You got to go knock some heads around , especially that Rob Zombie,

he’s an angry little ogre isn’t he?  Now, I suppose instead of Dead Heads it would

be knock some Living Dead heads around. 

CCCChristo: I don’t know, 

Jerry Garcia:  Instead of putting out your lame videos on youtube, or contacting

an attorney for licensing, GET OUT THERE MAN!

CCCChristo: Are you saying what I think you are saying?

Jerry Garcia: Yeah GO KICK SOME ASS Mr. Midnight Frankenstein!!!

CCCChristo: COOL, thanks Jerry.

Jerry Garcia: Hey Chief I got to ask you.  What does this have to do with the Great

Pumpkin?  Pigpen, who is sitting right next to me wants to know.

CCCChristo: Tell Pigpen, all will be revealed once the Amusement Park is complete

and I finish up with your story about the Holy Ghost.

Jerry Garcia: Holy Ghost, far out man!

This has been another abbreviated version of The Great Pumpkin Letters

Respectfully in TRUTH,

Christo Strom

Sole Owner of Orange Race Card Angels

Head of Angel Promotions

Thank you to Jerry Garcia, Ron " Pigpen " McKernan and a special apprearance

including Brent Mydland.  All members of a band <( +++ )>

MIDNIGHT FRANKENSTEIN +++ MIDNIGHT FRANKENSTEIN +++ MIDNIGHT FRANKENSTEIN

Gavin George Law: One Four One Know

Gavin Law: G. P. ONE FOUR ONE KNOW- An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo takes time out to grieve for a child he has yet to meet. It is one of the saddest stories ever. Brace yourself and reach for the sky. Don't forget the tissues. This without a doubt is a call to my higher power. With all the strength of 2000 Daniels, Chief Crazy Captain Christo is barring the flood gates. This is Gavin Law's Official Great Pumpkin Letter for 2010. In order to understand Gavin Law, here is a short run down of his short time here in Minnesota. Gavin was born with a rare birth disorder that I can't pronounce but it is spelled mitochondriopathy( I hope it is spelled right:) Here it is explained in a nut shell. His little body could not grow. After nine months in pain, he passed away on January 4th 2010.



THIS VIDEO WAS MADE ONE YEAR TO THE DAY GAVIN GEORGE LAW LEFT THE LAW FAMILY
PLEASE KNOW THIS WAS MADE FOR HIS LOVING FAMILY. PEACE BE WITH YOU.

+(~~+~~)+       +(~~+~~)+       +(~~+~~)+    




I first learned of Gavin Law after watching KTSP Channel Five's Bill Lunn and Leah McLean introduce Susanna Song. She told the story of Gavin Law and I just lost it. It broke the Heart of Chief Crazy Captain Christo but the Spirit will never be broken. Here in it's excruciatingly painful prayer request is Chief Crazy Captain Christo standing before The Great Pumpkin in the sky with his prayer request for Gavin Law. Chief Crazy Captain Christo is on his knees before The Great Pumpkin and he waits for The Great One to call him forward.

With a slight wink of his left eye, The Great One ( author's note: The Great One is The Great Pumpkin) motions for Chief Crazy Captain Christo to rise up and speak his mind. Without stopping to dry his eyes and with the tears a flowing, Chief Crazy Captain Christo rises and speaks ( for Gavin)

For this conversation , Chief Crazy Captain Christo is known as T-REX because whenever a sad story like this one hits him in the face, he needs tissues and he's like a two shipwrecks in the night. The Great Pumpkin is going to be known in this piece as G's LAW.

T-REX: " Oh Great One, I stand before you sober as a judge and with no boos or no tricks. Just a simple
request for one who never had a chance. I stand before you to ask you to make the life of Gavin Law a call to action for EVERYONE. He had such a short life and it pains me to say this but he never had a chance to experience what it feels like to GROW. I ask that you bring peace to his parents on Earth and to remind me everday of your Willingness to GROW. You of all beings should know that without GROWTH one cannot SEEK. How would you like it if no one could SEEK you? You would be nothing more than a Fabrication of Truth.

G's LAW: " Chief Crazy Captain Christo. Stop before you injure yourself. I have already thought of that. I have decided to take your words of wisdom and from now on in Pumpkin Ville, there will be a name change. I have taken Gavin George Law's name for the time being. You might want to take notes Chief Crazy Captain Christo. First off, the letter G shall be elevated over Seven times. You shall contact all the stars of the movie Nine. Every last one of them. You shall meet in Omaha Nebraska on July 9th 2010 to discuss the building of a Theatre Tree House. I noticed in your past Pumpkin Letters that you only were building for a little American Girl. Well , this is your American Boy. I know who the American Girl is and looks like you are doing a great job of keeping it quiet. The American Boy is with me now and he is safe. Tell Gavin's parents what I have told you. Wait I am not finished. From now on Pumpkin Ville shall be known as Pumpkin Vine. The SEVENTH LAW of Pumpkin Vine will be known as Gavin's Law or G'S LAW. Gavin George Law. I will hold you accountable Chief Crazy Captain Christo to keep holy the G's LAW. Thank you for remembering and as always Chief Crazy Captain Christo, don't let the Door hit you where the Good Lord split you. Hey here take this with you."

T-REX:" What is this?"

G's LAW: " It is called HOPE and FAITH. Take it with you and give it to Gavin's parents. Form a fantastic stadium and when you sing a song at a concert for GAVIN sometime after the stadium is built, please do not forget to invite Gavin's parents and the whole Channel Five ensemble to hear you sing Gavin's Song. Ok Chief ok then you can go. Now remember Chief BE GOOD!

T-REX: " Happy O-Range Limelight Ya-hulaversaille Bringing In Baby Law Everone"

G's LAW: " Thank you for remembering to leave the Limelight on for Gavin. Now go and make like the O-Range Blob of Light that you are. Ride like the Winding O-Range Red Lightning Divine

Intermission-: This has been an abbreviated version of The Great Pumpkin Letters in honor of:

Gavin George Law : April 3, 2009- January 4th 2010.

Apple Valley , Minnesota

Orange Race Card Angels: Metal Wood Fire

Orange Race Card Angels: Metal Wood Fire
Author Christo Strom

April 17th 2010

In a Great Pumpkin Letter first, the format for today's Great Pumpkin Letter
is going to be to promote the Grand Opening of an offline business

Starting on January 4th 2011,

ORANGE RACE CARD ANGELS

is going to be a major player in the TWIN CITIES MINNESOTA.

Metal Wood Fire is one of the twelve slogans that will be in place
by 1/4/11. Much explanations will be forthcoming in the next eight to
nine months so please Subscribe to my video channels to stay abreast
of all the happenings coming your way.

Respectfully in TRUTH

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

P.S. ( that's Pumpkin Script:) Stay Tuned Everyone, the National Debt
Clock is still ticking. Do you hear what it is saying to you?

Death ,Taxes and Frank Kern

April 15th 2010
Author Christo Strom

We interrupt the Alice Cooper Great Pumpkin Letter series until at least August 1st 2010
on the account that Chief Crazy Captain Christo is going into turbo mode. That literally
means that he is turbo charging his online presence to include videos and an offline business.
The offline business which is run in Minnesota has a grand opening of January 4th 2011
The name of it is ORANGE RACE CARD ANGELS and it will be one of four hugely successful
startups that will be the envy of the world. What? ( Rob Zombie's song thumpin in the background
at Chief Crazy Captain Christo's many hideaways!) Don't believe me yet. Too Bad cause what other business do you know that is going to successfully eliminate the National Debt? Yeah that's right,
there isn't any.
So here it is the FRANK KERN DEATH TAXES GREAT PUMPKIN LETTER

Death Taxes and Frank Kern: Witch do you Prefer

Chief Crazy Captain Christo tackles the problem of Internet Marketers lack of

RESPECT. It came across the Mid-West area called the Midwest one particular sunny summer

day. Little did Frank Kern know but Chief Crazy Captain Christo does not take rejection very well. In fact, rejection is not in his vocabulary unless of course he is playing a GAME of basketball against Michael Jordan. You be the judge who would be rejected!

Back to the story, here goes the commentary floating on the Internet's Super slow mo- dial up.

It came back rejected. Try Again. Connect with SOL ( Slick Orange Lines) known to musicians as Slinky Online Licks or Guitar Strings for the functionally illiterate. Any who, Chief Crazy Captain Christo got a rejection letter from none other than Frank Kern's secretary. Wow! What a tremendous feeling! Like a barbed wire whipping post at Golgotha if you know what I mean. After meticulously trying to set Frank up and over deliver, the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo thought to himself,

“ You know, maybe Frank didn't quite get the gist of it. He probably thought I was trying to bring Mass Control to it's knees but quite the opposite really!”

Oh well! Not a problem, unlike Al Gore and Tony Robbins, I actually like Frank so here goes the message on MASS “I HAVE” CONTROL (author's note: to be read massive control!) . We interrupt the alleged conversation as it actually will take place in the year 2010 plus two.

C.C.C.Christo-” Hey Frank whazzzz up? Glad to see you escaped from Al Gore and Tony Robbins. What a couple of hack and wheezer geezers ey?”

F. RAKER ( Frank Kern's nickname for Raking in the Bucks) -” Yeah man, thanks for the heads up. I didn't realize how much Tony's clients were swearing till it all came to a head one day.”

C.C.C.Christo-” By the way Frank, I really appreciate the fact that you took the time out to mail me the rejection postcard. It showed you cared enough to acknowledge a pre-customer. As you know, I don't take rejection lightly. I learned that from Gwen Stefani from No Doubt. I got her to start her own film company called PenGwen Island. We deal only with air brush artists and models who aren't afraid to push the envelope if you know what I mean. Great musician that Gwen!

F.RAKER- “ How the hell did you get Gwen to do it?”

C.C.C.Christo-” Are you kidding me? I told her about it and she instantly was gyrating dollar signs. Her husband actually thanked me and said , “What would you like on your Tombstone?” I told him, Keep it simply stupid, mayaz!” Have you ever seen a rock star spray milk out of his nose?”

F.RAKER-” Wow I gotta right that one down! That's flippin awesome. Hey I gotta go Chief, you know an Internet Marketer gets no respect”

C.C.C.Christo- “ Hey Frank , I'd like to tell you a story about jumping ahead and avoiding the agony of defeat. I'm going to use some Native American imagery so bear with me hear. I'll type slowly because some of your readers may be a little slow to catch on. Ready Frank, this one story is about Bean's Jump. Long time ago when engineers were men and did not stare at goats, a young man decided to be the leader of men who were building a ski jump. The ski jump was a mighty ski jump. One that you had to take an elevator to the top. When you got off the elevator you had to climb some stairs to reach the tip top. When you arrived at the final destination, you could Ventura Highway a 360 degree panoramic view of Michigan and Canada. Now I don't know about you but as a kid I remember watching ABC Wild World of Sports and the announcer Jim McKay would say those immortal words, ...” and the agony of defeat” picturing the skier falling off the ski jump. Remember Frank?

At the bottom of the ski jump in Michigan is a plaque that names who built the jump. That is my grandfather and his nickname was 'BEAN' Thanks Frank for reminding me to have fun!

Go make a video Frank and let me know you understand that the respect you cherish is within yours and everyone's reach without the agony of defeat. Unless you are friends with Tellman Knudson, then I guess the agony of the feet is acceptable. “

This has been another installment of The Great Pumpkin Letters. Stay Tuned! Pumpkin Island Studios ( not a Redneck, but Orange and Green!)

Big Government and The Easter Egg

Saturday April Third ( Easter Eve )
Author Chief Crazy Captain Christo

Sent in Place of The Great Pumpkin
Enjoy!

In a stunning and incredible turn of events
Chief Crazy Captain Christo has decided
to take on
Big Government and The National Debt.

You see, the Statue of Liberty is Speechless.
So Chief Crazy Captain Christo is giving her

A VOICE with a CHOICE

Here in it's painfully funny Glory B to the Highest
is the Conversation recorded between
Chief Crazy Captain Christo and Lady Liberty (S^O^L)

Conversation between Chief Crazy Captain Christo and The Statue of Liberty

CCCChristo: "So I says to the Landlady , I will go and ask Pigpen from Days gone by, you know Pigpen from Grateful Dead days gone by,
and Pigpen from Charles Schultz Days gone by, and I will slay this DRAGON with PURE CUNNING HONEY"

S^O^L( Statue of Liberty): "But who are you again? Everyone knows me Chief Crazy Captain Christo. I am a gift from The French!"

CCCChristo:" Ahh yes, a gift from the FRENCH! A WENCH from the FRENCH. Hey you know what Lady Liberty, I love French's Mustard"

S^O^L ( rolling her eyes) " Oh not another Mustard Joke!"

CCCChristo : " Why can't you stand another Mustard Joke? Anyways, as I was saying, the reason I love French's Mustard is the color it represents.
You see I believe it represents the color of every Politician whoever has been elected to office, from the President of the United States to everyone below him.
From Supreme Court Justices, to House of Representatives to the Senate and Blah Blah Bloated Overpaid Windbags who claim to
" Represent the People"

S^O^L: " So You are saying Big Government and everyone involved are Chickens?"

CCCChristo: " B-I-N-G-O , we have a winner from The Ellis Island the Lady holding the Torch. In case you want to know why, I am posting this on EASTER EVE.
The reason as such My Lady is this . WARS AND The National DEBT. Oh by the way, you can catch my SPEECHES coming after July 9th 2010.
I will explain in PLAIN ENGLISH how to SLAY the NATIONAL DEBT using a FAMILY of AMERICAN VOLUNTEERS.

S^O^L: " How do you think you are going to accomplish this feat since no one has ever attempted this rather daunting task"

CCCChristo: " One Speech at a time, Five minutes or Less on YOUTUBE, Starting MAY First. Till then Keep the Light on My Lady"

S^O^L: " Can you give me two reasons I should listen to you Chief Crazy Captain Christo? "

CCCChristo:" I'll give you two reasons yeah sure here they are. You know that thing called LIFE and DEATH? You know the debate has been
going on for centuries about Life after Death. Well here's something to think about. You people on Earth haven't even figured out the answer
to WHAT CAME FIRST : The CHICKEN or The EGG. If you can't even come up with the answer to that question, what on Earth
are you doing trying to figure out Life after Death questions?"

Stay TUNED AMERICA and President Obama and Former Presidents still living.
As Jimi Hendrix would say , " I'm coming to GETCHA!:)


Respectfully in TRUTH,

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

P.S. ( that's Pumpkin Script!) Now who wants some Pumpkin Pie?