Dimebag's Black Tooth Grin

February 5th 2010

Happy Birthday to Fred
This next pumpkin letter was written I think subconsciously for this day.
It is a vision I had (DREAM VISION!!:)Last year so Fred Happy birthday Enjoy!

Dimebag's Black Tooth Grin- An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo is a character in a “Screen” play being written in Minnesota.

In honor of Darrell Abbott, a short narrative from Chief Crazy Captain Christo has begun.

We interrupt the conversation already in progress...

....C.C.C.Christo-” By order of The Great Pumpkin, all adults over the age of 21, are required by Halloween Night to prepare a Black Tooth Grin pumpkin ( no alcohol please and thank you!) to be seen by all the children on Trick or Treat Night. A lot of pumpkins are relying on you so don't disappoint The Great Pumpkin. The Great One has not been himself as of late so Cheer Him UP!”

A quiet hush spread quickly throughout the land, including Texas, where it is rumored even George W. Bush ( in a league of his own) was witnessed by plenty to be carving an exquisite Black Tooth Grinned pumpkin in honor of The DIME. Through the magic of eavesdropping, we heard ol Number 43 say, “ ....well I guess I can honor an ol Texas native whose heart was as big as Texas. Black Tooth Grin eh? Yeah, well he showed a lot of PRIDE in his DAMAGEPLAN. The least I can do is to follow The Great Pumpkin's orders.”

Later that same day the wind blew a piece of orange construction paper and all it had on it was a date in all BLACK letters. President GWB #43 looked at the paper and smiled. He was invited to meet with Chief Crazy Captain Christo. Because there in all black letters were the words:

“Chief Crazy Captain Christo cordially invites you to throw up the First jump ball in The Game Heard Round the World. Dates to be announced in the year 2010. BE like Helen BEE READY! And bring your BLACK TOOTH GRIN for the DIME”

Chief Crazy Captain Christo then remembered the time. Fourty Four expletives were seen exiting his mouth as if he were late for a very important date. C.C.C.Christo had better prepare for the years to come because a lot of work is still needed to be done. Tangled up in a Blu-ish haze of despair, the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo raised his hands and declared.

“ I have not yet begun to Fright “ Left out are more expletives. Halloween is a special night indeed so with a Black Tooth Grin and a little elbow grease and a new workout regiment only known to The Good C.C.C.Christo, a plan is emerging.

Chief Crazy Captain Christo then fell asleep for the span of seven minutes. He woke up shaking like a leaf and wrote down everything he could remember about The Black Tooth Grin visitation.

He still doesn't know why he was visited by such a CALM and TRUSTING SOUL.

Word for word C.C.C.Christo wrote down from the visit:

“This is where the music remains focused and loud. If you want to soar with eagles or jam with angels or whatever it is you want to do, dream big. I'm not going to promise anyone anything anymore.

All bets are off! The time has come to take the Bull by the Horns and build the GREATEST PLACE on EARTH. We see what you are doing and we love it! We all agree who you are building the stadium for and the reason behind it is magnificent. Just remember, when the time comes for you to take the stage, Full Speed Ahead OK Chief Crazy Captain Christo. We are all on your side for this ONE!. And

lastly, I got one question for ya. Ok Chief here it is: there's this being up here that no one can make heads or tails of who looks for all intensive purposes to be carrying the letter Y. He will not let anyone near to ask Y. At least I think he's a he! All that anyone can make out is a GRRRRR! And a close but no SEE GAR. Perhaps you might know who this is because he's scaring the hell out of everyone. Whoap Gotta Go now. We're pulling for you remember Full Speed Ahead.” The last thing Chief Crazy Captain Christo heard was “ Hey Black Tooth Grinner, I loved Hockey!”

When he finally woke up shaken but not stirred, Chief Crazy Captain Christo saw completely what must be done. With no time to lose, he headed for the stage door. A crowd was waiting and the crowd was full of Rich people. None of whom would ever be the same. The performance you have all been waiting for......Stay tuned! This has been another installment of The Great Pumpkin Letters.

Christo Strom is the website owner of www.unitetwosites.com
He is currently working on a new site that will be a membership site for a new Art , Music and Movie Studio being built in July 2010

Bert Blyleven 2010: An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

February Fourth 2010

This next selection from The Great Pumkin Letters Collection is intended to be humorous

with a serious ending. Please be prepared for some crazy humor!!!

Bert Blyleven 2010: Circle Me Sure Bert: An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo was recently seen discussing plans with a former Major League pitcher who was born in the Netherlands. Since this pitcher could never grow up to be President of the United States, he became focused on the next best thing in his mind. You see Bert Blyleven was destined for greatness as a bad ass pitcher in the Major League Baseball juggernaut known as the MLB. But lately Mr. Blyleven has been passed over by voters for The HALL of FAME! So, in his own inimitable style, Chief Crazy Captain Christo called a ROUND TABLE discussion group together and it was unanimous. After the discussion, Chief Crazy Captain Christo was voted to go and tell Bert Blyleven the Good and the Bad News along with the ugly TRUTH.

For this conversation that will take place in the new Twins stadium sometime between the years of 2011 and 2013 ( filmed by Rob Zombie!) Chief Crazy Captain Christo is disguised as the O-R ange Catcher in the Buff or CA-BU and Bert Blyleven is the Pitcher on the Mound or CHER-MOUND

To set up the scene for Rob Zombie, Bert Blyleven is throwing out the first pitch at the first World Series game ever played at the Twins stadium. As the crowd looks on in horror, Bert Blyleven winds up like he was playing for real and throws a worm burner to Chief Crazy Captain Christo. Only Chief Crazy Captain Christo wasn't paying attention. You see the new score board just happened to be playing the provocative dance from Penelope Cruz from the movie NINE. So naturally Chief Crazy Captain Christo's thoughts were on CLOUD NINE. The ball that Bert Blyleven threw hit Chief Crazy Captain Christo in the privates and after nine minutes of extreme discomfort, we pick up the conversation Enjoy!

CHER-MOUND-” I thought you said you could catch anything. What ( Rob Zombies song Thumpin in the Background) I say What was wrong with that pitch.”

CA-BU-” Hey I was distracted by a Pair a Cruz's ...”

CHER-MOUND-” You're a disgrace to the sport of baseball. Look at you, you're naked, save the mask and the catcher's mitt and the chest protector and the spikes. On top of that, you just got beaned by my curveball in front of the first World Series crowd ever to see a World Series game at the new Twins stadium and a huge audience watching on FOX SPORTS Network. You are going to make the Blooper Reels tonight buddy. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!!!!”

Chief Crazy Captain Christo stands up, dusts himself off and asks Rob Zombie for the microphone.

Mr. Zombie, barely able to pick himself up because he was laughing so hard he fell back in his electric directors chair, hands the microphone ( mega-phone you can choose whichever) over to Chief Crazy Captain Christo who is standing and bleeding on home plate.

CA-BU-” Circle me Sure Bert. Circle me right now. Go ahead and laugh all you want. Laughter is good for the soul and good for your heart. You got a heart don't ya Mr. Blyleven? As I stand here today bleedin on home plate because I got beaned in the nuts by your worm burner, let me tell you something. Here you are angry or whatever that you didn't get voted in to the Hall of Fame. Well BOO

HOO HOO Bert. Meanwhile, the real people who would love to come work for you and your new awesome business are unemployed right now because YOU Bert Blyleven are too YELLOW to take your eyes off the Hall of Fame and go to work for something GREATER THAN YOURSELF. No Bert if you do nothing after the Greatest speech a Bleeding man ever gave than you don't deserve to go to the Hall. Take my advice on this one Bert. You know your slogan Circle Me Bert? To get into Heaven, which is really quite rewarding really, you must be GREAT like the pumpkin. You must give of yourself to others because others will give to you. They will work their asses off to make sure this works. I have SEVEN GOOD DEEDS reserved for you and your team if you take me up on this offer.

But you must take action Bert. And then you will truly deserve to be in the Hall of Fame of Heaven. Canton Ohio can take a back seat Bert. I am Chief Crazy Captain Christo and I must go now because I have spoken my lines and my nuts are killing me. Ice please.”

As Chief Crazy Captain Christo was walking out of the infield a chant of Circle Me SURE BET erupted into a refreshing dessert. Bert Blyleven got his Seventy five Flavors but remembered that he could not unveil his flavors until Chief Crazy Captain Christo gives him the Green Light. So for all you Twins fans out there, get behind you team. After all, the Great Pumpkin is a Twins fan! And this is a Twins Terror Story. This has been another edition of the Great Pumpkin Letters. Stay tuned for more in 2010!

Christo Strom is the website owner of www.unitetwosites.com
He is currently working on a new site that will be a membership site for a new Art , Music and Movie Studio being built in July 2010