Orange Race : Summer Pumpkins with Writchristo

In a stunning turn of events, Chief Crazy Captain Christo

has finally come to his senses and has come back down

to Earth.  In the most thought provoking Great Pumpkin

Letter to date, he explains in PLAIN ENGLISH what must

be done to create a masterpiece.  Please forward this to 

all your girlfriends.  Thanks in advance! Now please read

and view carefully.  You might just experience something

you haven't experienced EVER! 

Just the facts Mam, part two

Monetary figures to get ready for the Orange Race.

DAY ONE

220 Women times $10,000.00 = $2,200,000.00

Minus 40 percent for National and State Taxes gives One Person

who is the Trainer exactly:

$2,200,000.00 minus $880,000.00 = $1,320,000.00

DAY TWO

440 Women times $10,000.00 = $4,400,000.00

Minus 40 percent for National and State Taxes gives One Person

who is the Trainer exactly:

$4,400,000.00 minus  $1,760,000.00 = $2,640,000.00

DAY THREE

660 Women times $10,000.00 = $6,600,000.00

Minus 40 percent for National and State Taxes gives One Person

who is the Trainer exactly:

$6,600,000.00 minus $2,640,000.00 = $3,960,000.00

DAY FOUR

880 Women times $10,000.00 = $8,800,000.00

Minus 40 percent for National and State Taxes gives One Person

who is the Trainer exactly:

$8,800,000.00 minus $3,520,000.00 = $5,280,000.00

DAY FIVE

1100 Women times $10,000.00 = $11,000,000.00

Minus 40 percent for National and State Taxes gives One Person

who is the Trainer exactly:

$11,000,000.00 minus $4,400,000.00 = $6,600,000.00

*** DAY SIX ***

4500 Women times $10,000.00 = $45,000,000.00

Minus 40 percent for National and State Taxes gives One Person

who is the Trainer exactly:

$45,000,000.00 minus $18,000,000.00 = $27,000,000.00

Now according to my calculations, Day Six would be a darn near

PERFECT DAY.

But , and I emphasize this so I am loud and clear, we are not shooting

for just one perfect day.  This is national debt training and if you are

going to be successful, you need to PLAN to be a success!

You do have to pay attention if you want to be the ONE PERSON who

is the Trainer.

Now I am going to teach you how to look for patterns in writing.

One of the best examples of this I put a little bit in my last post

called Orange Race Bear With Me.  Well, now I will put the whole

46 verses of MATTHEW and after that I will put up three videos.

It is up to you to figure out why?  OK here we go with

MATTHEW 25

25   Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto

ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to

meet the bridegroom.

2     And five of them were wise, and five were foolish.

3     They that were foolish took their lamps, and took

no oil with them:

4     But the wise took oil in their vessels with their

lamps.

5     While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered

and slept.

6     And at midnight there was a cry mad, Behold, the

bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him.

7     Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their

lamps.

8     And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us your

oil; for our lamps are gone out.

9     But the wise answered, saying , Not so; lest there

be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to

them that sell, and buy for yourselves.

10     And while they went to buy, the bridegroom

came; and they that were ready went in with him

to the marriage: and the door was shut.

11     Afterward came also the other virgins, saying,

Lord, Lord, open to us.

12     But he answered and said, Verily I say unto

you, I know you not.

13     Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day

nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh.

14     For the kingdom of heaven is as a man

travelling into a far country, who called his own

servants, and delivered unto them his goods.

15     And unto one he gave five talents, to another

two, and to another one; to every man according

to his several ability; and straightway took his

journey.

16     Then he that had received the five talents

went and traded with the same, and made them

other five talents.

17     And likewise he that had received two, he

also gained other two.

18     But he that had received one went and digged

in the earth, and hid his lord’s money.

19     After a long time the lord of those servants

cometh, and reckoneth with him..

20     And so he that had received five talents came

and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou

deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have

gained beside them five talents more.

21     His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good

and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a

few things, I will make thee ruler over many things:

enter thou into the joy of thy lord.

22     He also that had received two talents came and

said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents:

behold, I have gained two other talents beside

them.

23     His lord said unto him, Well done, good and

faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few

things, I will make thee ruler over many things:

enter into the joy of thy lord.

24     Then he that had received the one talent

came and said, Lord, I knew thee that art an hard

man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and

gathering where thou hast not strawed:

25     And I was afraid, and went and hid thy

talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is

thine.

26     His lord answered and said unto him, Thou

wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that

I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I

have not strawed:

27     Thou oughtest therefore to have put my

money to the exchangers, and then at my

coming I should have received mine own with

usury.

28     Take therefore the talent from him, and

give it to him which hath ten talents.

29     For unto every one that hath shall be

given, and he shall have abundance: but from

him that hath not shall be taken away even

that which he hath.

30     And cast ye the unprofitable servant  into

outer darkness: there shall be weeping and

gnashing of teeth.

31     When the Son of man shall come in his

glory, and all the holy angels with him, then

shall he sit on the throne of his glory:

32     And before him shall be gathered all

nations: and he shall separate them one

from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep

from the goats:

33     And he shall set the sheep on his right

hand, but the goats on the left.

34     Then shall the King say unto them on his

right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father,

inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the

foundation of the world:

35     For I was an hungred, and ye gave me

meat: I was thirsty and ye gave me drink: I was

a stranger, and ye took me in:

36     Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick and

ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto

me.

37     Then shall the righteous answer him, saying,

Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed

thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?

38     When we saw thee a stranger, and took

thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?

39     Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and

came unto thee?

40     And the King shall answer and say unto them,

Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done

it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye

have done it unto me.

41     Then shall he say also unto them on the left

hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting

fire, prepared for the devil and his angels:

42     For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat:

I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink:

43     I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked

and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye

visited me not.

44     Then shall they also answer unto him, saying,

Lord, when we saw thee an hungred, or athirst, or

a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did

not minister unto thee?

45     Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I

say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of

the least of these, ye did it not to me.

46     And these shall go away  into everlasting

punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.

Patterns in the words: In Matthew 25 I look for the pattern

of Virgins, Verily, Five, Two and One.

Respectfully in TRUTH,

Author Christo Strom

Sole Owner of OrangeRace Card Angels

Head of AngelPromotions

P.S.

ORANGE RACE

Green Bay to Colorado Springs

Get prepared.

Now as promised the three videos.  Figure out what is being said

here and you will be miles ahead in terms of National Debt Training

Good Luck!!!

How to Erase the National Debt-Starting +++January 4th 2011-+++

Great Pumpkin Letters hitting the Big Time
( Are you ready Rob Zombie?)

Author Christo Strom

Sole Owner of Orange Race Card Angels

Head of Angel Promotions

How to Erase the National Debt-Starting +++ January 4th, 2011

Christo Strom’s Orange Race Card Angels, the only company

on the Planet ( this is Planet Earth right?) to even attempt to

erase the national debt. In case you are wondering what national

debt I am talking about, it is the United States of America’s

National Debt. Hovering as I type in the Thirteen to Fourteen

Trillion dollar range. If it were a UFO, it would be seen by

everyone but the United States Government would spin it as

something completely different, like a Monty Python sketch.

Anyways, back to How to Erase the National Debt. My semnar

series ( not a misprint, semnar means the mn in the middle is

the starting point in Minnesota, and that means only in

Minnesota for the entire year of 2011+++! There is no turning

back once January 4th 2011 rolls around. My ass is going to be

on the line and it will get done. No I am not going to allow any

politicians at my semnar. This is for people in the United States

of America who are tired of all the B.S. that flows out of the mouths

of ALL Politicians. Wake up now, and follow a simple plan. I am

making this extremely easy. Those who attend and are ready for

REAL KICK ASS and LIGHTNING QUICK recoveries, by all means

possible pay attention. How many jobs do you think could be

created in the next three years by tackling the job of erasing the

National Debt? I am only asking for One percent of the American

population to become ORANGE RACE CARD ANGELS. We will

have a rockin great time in the next three years!

Respectfully in TRUTH,

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

P.S. Senator Colby Coash of Lincoln Nebraska and Rebecca Otto

State Auditor of Minnesota are the only exceptions. If they

choose to become ORANGE RACE CARD ANGELS, they will be

accepted on one condition. I RUN THE SHOW++++++

Dear Mr. Fantasy : An Excerpt from Christo Strom for Jerry Garcia

Friday August 13th 2010

Author Christo Strom
Sole owner of Orange Race Card Angels
Head of Angel Promotions

From the desk of Chief Crazy Captain Christo

Dear Mr. Fantasy:
Play us a Tune
Something to Make Us All Happy....

We interrupt this Traffic tune from Steve Winwood
and his awesome band to bring you an Excerpt from
Chief Crazy Captain Christo ( Christo Strom )for
Jerry Garcia, to be read in a prayer form:

Deary Jerry, ( or Saint Jerome in Heaven!)
Might as Well is still my favorite song in
the whole Universe so let's just say like
the WORD OF GOD, this point is not negotiable.
It has been four days and fifteen years since you
left in California. I still love your music and
I am really wondering if you wouldn't mind gettin
together with the ANGELS and makin sure I follow
through with my plan to help the United States of
America with their National Debt problem. It's like
everyone in office doesn't give a shit if it gets
done or not as long as they look good. I know
for a fact you don't care how things look as long
as it gets done. Well Jerry I am praying through
the Holy Spirit that I can accomplish the erasing
of the National Debt so if I ever see you again
in Heaven or in Hell that we could sing Might as Well
together in some form or another. That's it Jerry!
Tell Brent that I still think of him too and your
kick ass renditions down in Long Beach California
I will never forget. All your girls are doing well!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled you
tube video and Dear Mr. Fantasy.....

" "

The King and Di's Eleventh Step- Man Overboard!

May 5th 2010
Author Christo Strom

Post reprinted by Author's permission ( that's me!)
First posted on Sooper Articles in January 2010

Lady Di: The King and Di's Eleventh Step- An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Warning: This edition of The Great Pumpkin Letters deals with real DEATH! If the thought of a pleasant AFTER-LIFE scares you please go no further. Step aside Steven King, it's time for the sacrifice of O'NE ( Author: Christo Strom )

Chief Crazy Captain Christo was sailing on the high seas one day in 2010 when a sight he had never seen before caught his roving eyes. Out on the horizon, a beautiful blond princess was dancing with a King. It was like they were dancing with the stars on top of the ocean. But they were not on a ship or a boat or any kind of sea faring vessel. No they were dancing on thin air. It was a most enjoyable vision to see two individuals dancing so wrecklessly and yet so happy! Her face was all aglow and her steps were pure and light. The funny thing was it was pitch black outside and the moon was no where to be found. Yet the light kept getting brighter and brighter! And it was beckoning the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo to come forward. On closer inspection he realized it was Lady Diana. She smiled her radiant smile and in the clarity of the moment whispered for the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo to take eleven steps off the bow to reach her.

Now for the conversation between Chief Crazy Captain Christo and Lady Di. For this part, Lady Di is going by the name of La dd ( author's note: it is a silent L so it is pronounced a dd meaning after Diana's death). Chief Crazy Captain Christo is going by the name of BOW ( Blessed Orange Wood)

We pick the conversation up before Chief Crazy Captain Christo takes the first step off the bow of his ship.

La dd: “ Ahoy Chief Crazy Captain Christo it is I, Lady Diana from England. Won't you come join me for a midnight dance beneath the heavens?”

BOW: “ Wow, Lady Di. You look absolutely ravishing in your O-Range Maroon Gown that really isn't a gown is it? Who does your airbrushing?” Chief Crazy Captain Christo knew right away that Lady Diana, the would be Queen of England was without a stitch of clothing. So he cut away at one of his sails and gave her an Orange and Black Sailors skirt and left her topless.

La dd: “ If you are going to dress me, take me to Richard Branson's island at once. I demand to see him because I have a few choice words to get off my chest.”

BOW: “ Any particular reason you have to see Richard?”

La dd: “ Yes as a matter of fact there is. There's a man up here named Heath Ledger and he won't get off my Brokeback Mountain.”

BOW:” Really, you can see Heath Ledger? Would you mind telling Heath that I have a little girl down here that would really like it if he could help organize a get together to build a Theatre Tree House. By orders of The Great Pumpkin I have to organize it or else”

La dd:” Or else what?”

BOW:” Or else he is going to make me walk the plank in front of the bank to get run over by an army tank filled with explosives. Why else would I be so frantic about building this tree house. The Great One as I like to call him doesn't demand much more than everything you got. Since I can see you and you can see Heath, I figure if we put our heads together we can come up with something cool. What say you Lady Di? Will you help out a Captain in need?:

La dd:” Where and when do you want us to show up Chief Crazy Captain Christo?”

BOW:” Between the dates of July 9^th 2010 and Eternity just to be on the safe side”

La dd:” Forget Richard Branson's island. We've got work to do. Heath darling let's get your ledger on board and go to Nebraska.”

Tears started to flow off of the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo's face and landed in the salty sea. The King he had noticed dancing with Lady Di was Heath Ledger! It was then that Chief Crazy Captain Christo had noticed he had walked off the stern side of the ship and on his Eleventh step plunged face first into the frigid icy water. The King Ledger threw him a life preserver and let out a cackle and responded with a shout of “ Damn Yankee Rookie!” This has been another abbreviated edition of The Great Pumpkin Letters. Stay tuned America. Hollywood you are seriously lacking any creativity. Grant Heslov, and Kevin Costner and Clint Eastwood yall are pale faces in comparison to Chief Crazy Captain Christo. Yo Ho Yo Ho Yo Ho Outta my whey cause someone is going to get hurt and it aint Chief Crazy Captain Christo you boneheads of Cinematic Rubbish! I dare everyone of you Hollywood Directors to show up in Omaha on July 9^th 2010 to face the fire. Guaranna, get your guns! It's SHOWTIME!!!!!!!!!! Warning this is not a drill! Time to PAY the PIE Purr! If your Pen does not write a check on the piece of paper marked with an O-Range X- let's just say this is ELIMINATION TIME!!!!!!! Respectfully in TRUTH ( CCCC You Later Boyzzzz!)

Sheri Moon Zombie- S.O.S. for $ 630 Million

May 2nd 2010
Author Christo Strom

SHERI MOON ZOMBIE- S.O.S. for $630 Million

Author's Note: ( The S.O.S. in the title is kind of like a
double edged sword with four different meanings. But
the author will give you the real meaning first and the
last three you'll have to make them up for your self!)

S.O.S. ( an obvious cry for help from a "Crazy" )
S.O.S.- in this post means " Strom's Onto Something!"

Now I have submitted this post before on Sooper Articles
and it is one of 44 Great Pumpkin Excerpts but before I
add this post, I would like to pre-face the post with a bit
of insane money fundraising for one ROB ZOMBIE.

Since he is more than likely too busy on his current touring
schedule to react to my posts, I thought I would try something
a little different. I'll go straight to his boss, Sheri Moon Zombie!

So Sheri, here's the deal! I am going to start in Minnesota
to erase the National Debt which is at $12 Trillion Dollars.
I think that raising $ 630 Million Dollars for your husband
Rob to make Seven Films should be a drop in the bucket.

It's going to take a massive exchange of ideas on my part
to get this thing rolling but I am prepared to do the work.
I just thought you would want to know I am on your guy's
side and I will help you all out any way that I can. If
that's ok with you and Rob Sheri! After all , you and Rob
are my favorite Zombie's!!!

Take Care Mrs. Zombie! Here's the reprint of your
Great Pumpkin Letter

Sheri Moon Zombie: Mayhem and The Great One- An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo was going out of his mind one particular day in January 2010. You see, the Good Chief had just found out that the Mayhem tour was going to be starting in California on July 10^th. And his mind was reeling really fast. All the thoughts of pulling off the GREATEST SPEECH ever spoken were quickly being dashed against the ROCKS of TIME! To bring you up to speed, the Mayhem tour is a big ol Metal fest starring Rob Zombie, Korn, Lamb of God, Five Finger Death Punch, In This Moment and a slew of other hard rockin, fist pumpin, take no prisoners types that create for better or worse, MAYHEM. Anyway, since their wheels are in gear for their shows, no need to bother them for assistance. They have their own gigs going and that is fine. Except for one thing. Rob Zombie, can you send your wife? On July 9^th, 2010, the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo, come hell or high water, is going down to Omaha Nebraska and set up for an impressive speech. So for this particular abbreviated Great Pumpkin Letter, the Good Chief is transforming himself to L.A. To meet with none other than Rob Zombie's wife, Sheri Moon Zombie.

For this conversation, Sheri Moon Zombie is filming Rob in an upcoming video. She is taking a short break when Chief Crazy Captain Christo, in a stunning move of unabashed bravado, scoops her up and is talking to her on the fly. He is disguised as the O-Range Blob of Lightning with a dash of Guacamole Sauce. Sheri is going by the name of SHERI-ZO. Chief Crazy Captain Christo is going by the name of ORBLA-GUACAM. Since Chief Crazy Captain Christo is in charge here, the conversation takes place up in the air. Enjoy!!!

SHERI-ZO-” Hey you! Put me down this instant or I will have Rob take care of you in one of his upcoming videos. You will be Zombie stomped into oblivion.”

ORBLA-GUACAM-” Hey relax Sheri, it is I, Chief Crazy Captain Christo. I just wanted to introduce myself to you in a well I'm not exactly sure what I am doing here but oh yeah. I wanted to help your husband Rob with a little fund raising for a SEVEN MOVIE DEAL. It would have been real easy to do on July 9^th 2010 until I learned that your husband had inked a deal to do the Mayhem tour. That is ok since I believe that has got to be a great way to make a living.”

SHERI-ZO:” How can you carry me and fly at the same time? And why should we trust you?”

ORBLA-GUACAM-” Fair enough questions. I'll answer the second one first. The reason you should TRUST me is this. I have learned a great deal by writing down some observations. My first observation is this. America needs to turn the ship around because it is sinking! By writing about what is wrong, without preaching doom and gloom, I believe a few positive words to the right influential people, can be a great place to start. I am trying to get a Theatrical Tree house built for a little American girl. Since Rob is probably in tune to a theatrical kind of show, I thought that once this tree house gets built, the SEVEN MOVIE DEALwould be a piece of cake to set up.

SHERI-ZO: “ Again Chief Crazy Captain Christo! Why should we TRUST you?!!”

ORBLA-GUACAM:” OK Sheri here it is! Ready or not. I have thought up this stadium design that is based on super cooperation between musicians, professional athletes, doctors, internet marketers, restaurant owners and dancers. The design will be unveiled sometime soon when all the pieces fall into place. I could use some of Rob's unique insights to go along with the planning stages. Of course, it will be based on a Halloween stage theme and a Happy Go Lucky harvest agenda. No sad sacks allowed if you know what I mean. It is all about overcoming adversity and shining in a most outrageous display of FUN! No one stage will be present for longer than thirteen weeks so it will always be changing to suit the needs of the performers. Comprende?”

SHERI-ZO:” Ok Chief Crazy Captain Christo I can relate to that. Now answer the first question. How can you carry me and fly at the same time?”

ORBLA-GUACAM:” Great Pumpkin rule #Seven- Listen to RUSH's Fly By Night before attempting any type of Zombie pick up line!”

SHERI-ZO: “ Oh Rob will love that one! Thanks Chief Crazy Captain Christo. I'll try to persuade Rob for you.”

ORBLA-GUACAM:” Thanks Sheri. And tell Rob that Chief Crazy Captain Christo would be forever grateful to plan the Tree House with some of Rob's ideas. Let's get this done!”

SHERI-ZO:” Wow! That was a cool flight! Hey there's Rob now...”

And with that Chief Crazy Captain Christo flew back to resume his sail around the world. Penelope Cruz where are you? This has been another edition of The Great Pumpkin Letters. Stay tuned for more to come in 2010 and beyond!

P.S. ( that's Pumpkin Scrypt!) Perhaps we will meet and discuss this in person
in 2011. I will be mainly in MN but like I said in the Great Pumpkin Letters,
I hang out in Minnesota, Nebraska and Colorado. You see you gotta believe
in foolish miracles ( I got that one from a regular " John" !)

Respectfully in TRUTH

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

In Search of--ORANGE RACE CARD ANGELS

May 1st 2010
Author Christo Strom

In Search of ORANGE RACE CARD ANGELS

Greetings everybody!

Christo Strom here with exciting news for everyone
who wants to become an

ORANGE RACE CARD ANGEL

Yes, there are actual steps to become one.
It aint easy so here is the steps to take.

You can sign up for details at

http://www.orangeracecardangels.com

On or about June 2010

Step by step instructions
to become an

ORANGE RACE CARD ANGEL

will be explained in emails once you sign up
It is that simple.
But like I said before it aint easy.

You see, to become an

ORANGE RACE CARD ANGEL

you have to believe there is a simple way
to erase the national debt together!

I'll stop right there because I know some of you
already said F*** That!

Well if you are one of those , you are already

DISQUALIFIED.

For those of you who want to find out more
sign up June 2010 to January 12th 2011

What? ( Rob Zombie's song thumpin in the background)

After January 12th 2011, you will have to wait till 2012
to sign up. Sorry but those are the rules and you need
to know there will be rules.

Respectfully in TRUTH

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

P.S. ( that's Pumpkin Script) The Great Pumpkin will
be so proud!

Alice Cooper 2010 : Midnight Frankenstein ( Part 2 of 6)

April Fifth 2010 Happy Birthday JC
Author Christo Strom

Alice Cooper 2010: Midnight Frankenstein ( Part 2 of 6)

In a miraculous comeback from the jaws of Death, Chief
Crazy Captain Christo is throwing in a curveball. You see
the title of this post is the most important title Alice Cooper
and Rob Zombie will ever see in their lifetime. I will explain
it like this. I put this post in so I can come back and finish it
at a later date. It has very significant ramifications for timing.
I made a promise to a five year old boy around nine years ago and I
intend to keep my promise. Remember this NINE!

Respectfully in TRUTH,

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

P.S. ( that's Pumpkin Script!) I will be going back to
Alice in Blunderland to finish parts 2-6. I am just using a
ploy called FORE SHADOWING ( not a golfers term but it could be!)

Tom Barnard: Que Q with Chief Crazy Captain Christo

March 29th 2010
Author Christo Strom

Originally found on SOOPER ARTICLE site
Reprinted with Author's permission (that's Me!)

Enjoy! Please leave a comment and if you want
write down how long you think I should let
Tom Barnard have his animation piece filmed
for in an upcoming Rob Zombie movie. That is,
if I can get Rob Zombie to agree! Sorry Tom:(
__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__--__

Tom Barnard: Que Q- An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo has a plan to S-talk the radio airwaves. I know that may sound

a little corny but listen and learn. It is simply a-mai-zing. Understanding Tom Bernard and the crew at KQRS, a small brew haha has been brewing in the Twin Cities known as Wyatt Bayer Lock and Key.

You see without even stepping into the studios at the GOAL DEN Valley station, Chief Crazy Captain Christo is going to play hard ballast with the crew. Here goes the conversation between Chief Crazy Captain Christo and Tom Barnard. In this Thee A Trick Al piece, Tom's name has been changed to Saint Bernard but it will be shortened further to SABER. Chief Crazy Captain Christo, in a stunning move to keep his detractors off guard, will not be the O-Range Blob of Light. No, in this abbreviated version of the Great Pumpkin Letters, the Chief will go by the name of ESSAY.

SABER: “ Hey it's coming up on twenty five minutes to nine. We'll be back shortly after this message from SNUGGIES. “

At that very instant, the radio host was changed into a Saint Bernard, although the radio listeners had no clue. Enter ESSAY.

ESSAY-( O-Range Light brightly shining)-” Que Q?”

SABER-” Hey who is shining this bright light in my eyes. I am blind and cannot see.”

ESSAY-” It is I, Chief Crazy Captain Christo. Que Q?”

SABER- “ Who are you and what do you want? Can't you see we are on the air? And why do you only say KQ?”

ESSAY-” That is only what you hear. Pay attention Mr. SABER. You have a sharp wit like a SABER tooth Tiger and I turned you into a Saint Bernard!”

SABER- “ Well turn me back into the radio host that I am so I can finish the morning show”

ESSAY-” Que Q?”

SABER-” Yeah KQ! Bark Bark Bark”

ESSAY-” Do you feel that Keg of whiskey around your neck SABER. Do not open till December 21^st 2012. It is a special Keg that is not Whiskey but a special sauce that will not be ready till then. Now about my Que Q. Que is Spanish for What. Q is the name of some whack job calling himself the CASH GIFTING expert online. If you would be so kind to interview Q on your call in show that would be great. He doesn't like to show his face either but I think you two would have a great debate on the reason so many people fail in their attempt to create true and lasting wealth.”

SABER-” OK done deal now change me back. This pain around my neck is killing me and I can't breathe.”

ESSAY, loosening the Keg around SABER's neck, “ Here you go. I'll take that with me till December 21^st 2012. I will return it to you except this time it will be wrapped in Paradise Paper and Sealed with

something I'd rather not discuss. Now remember SABER, Que Q? Ask at least ten thought provoking questions of this personality who calls himself Q. For all I know he may be the real deal. I just thought you would be the perfect interviewer. Besides which, I love listening to your show. Keep up the great work Senior SABER. ( Old DAWG expression!).

SABER( laughing hysterically) “ OK Chief Crazy Captain Christo. But one question for you? Isn't Charles Schultz from Saint Paul and won't his people be pissed that your using his Great Pumpkin

Charlie Brown story into.....”

ESSAY-” What? ( ROB ZOMBIE's song in the background thumpin at ESSAY's House) No Saber I am not worried about that. You see, I have a long history of taking something that was originally great and with a few tricks and treats, turning it into a masterpiece beyond belief. You will see. What you didn't see coming here was that this piece's title is really SNOOPY Part Two of Seven. I just cleverly disguised it so as to throw the censors off track. It's called covering your tracks in the dark and snow.”

SABER- “ Is that Rob Zombie I hear playing in the background. I can't stand any of his moo...”

With that Being said, Tom Barnard was back on the air. Stay tuned for more excerpts from The Great Pumpkin Letters. KQRS ( Revelation Station!)

Ron “Pigpen” McKernan: Pigpen's Pig's Kins

March 21st 2010
Barbecue Season - Let's Get Smokey! On the Grill! Marks, sets Go(::)
Author Christo Strom

Dedicated to my bro David and his family!

Ron “Pigpen” McKernan: Pigpen's Pig's Kins: Excerpt from the Great Pumpkin Letters

This is an actual copy of a letter that was burned in a fire that was never started

It is from Chief Crazy Captain Christo to R.P.M ( to be read only at a night time barbecue).

For those of you who don't know ,without Pigpen , there would be no Grateful Dead.

Or it would have been a ship without a Captain.

When Chief Crazy Captain Christo meets back up with Pigpen

Hey R.P.M.,

I never got to tell you how much I loved your band.

Well, Pigpen I am writing this with tears in my eyes.

I might need Linus' blanket to cover my red eyes so you can't see.

Oh what the Hell, I don't care let the whole world know that

my Tears are for Pig's in a Blanket.

Tell Loose Lucy that Cosmic Charlie is heading for the endzone

and Schroeder is now delivering Milk for a living Yep Milky Way

as I like to tease him.

Seriously, Pig I have one request for the man upstairs cause I know

You must be there. Tell him I know I have made my mistakes,

and my final request of a prayer would be this:

The only way I am going anywhere is to get this party started.

Meet me down in Omaha, Nebraska sometime in the future. You

will recognize me by a strange and magnificent smoke. I will be

surrounded by Twelve Webbers, Eleven Chefs and I will be organizing

my own Band. You should be able to see my One Man band with me playing

a DIME(Electric Razorback Explosion) store guitar rockin on a Half Pipe

skateboard ramp jammin out songs from the past as well as new un-re-hear-sed

tunes that have yet to be named.

Hope you can tell that I'm getting amped for the show down in O,NE.

Respectfully in Truth,

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

P.S. When I do meet back up with you Pig, if you don't mind bringing three

shots and shot glasses with you we'll recite the 23^rd Psalm in the Valley of the

Shadows. Then and only then can I say “ Yup, Good Grief the Gangs All Here”

I don't know exactly when I will be there but tell ol FUMble Fingers that

I could use a little of da Vine intermission. Thanks a lot. Oh and One last thing

Pigpen before I go. What would you like for dessert? I'm working man on an

animal cracker whipped cream ala mode with the name Pig's Delight. What do

you think? Might as well cross that off my two DO lew list. Lightnin Smokestacks

gonna be my name....2019, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13,...

This has been another abbreviated installment from The Great Pumpkin Letters

;

Chef Gordon Ramsay: Pumpkin Nightmares!

May 13th 2010
Author Christo Strom

Before I begin with a reprint of an article I wrote on
SOOPER ARTICLES, I would like to dedicate this
blog post to my sister and her husband. Perhaps,
someday Gordon Ramsay and I will teach them
how to be awesome chefs. That is after I find
Penelope Cruz. Happy Birthday to my SISTER,
the Greatest Sister A brother or three could ever
have wished for! Please enjoy my favorite
Pumpkin Letter to date....

Chef Gordon Ramsay-PUMPKIN NIGHTMARES: Excerpts from The Great Pumpkin Letters,

Chief Crazy Captain Christo is a character in a screen play being written in Minnesota to be

orchestrated on a stage in ...... see if you can guess where. This is an actual conversation between

the main character Chief Crazy Captain Christo and the delightful wordsmith Chef Gordon Ramsay from Fox's hit TV show Hell's Kitchen. We join the conversation already in progress...

Over the loud speaker ( Gilbert Godfried ) was heard...

“ ...and the winner is by a lard margarine Chief Crazy Captain Christo. “

Thunderous applause and a few sprinkles of lightning were heard and seen throughout the

great plates.” Never before has Chef Gordon Ramsay ever been this mad. He was seen kicking

the trash cans and littering the audience with shouts of “DONKEY” which made the judges of the

contest ( Sharon Osbourne and Ozzy, Rob Zombie and Sheri, Zakk Wylde and Barbarranne, Gene Simmons and Tweeder, and of course War and Buffet (the Vampire Slayer), eye Chef Gordon

Ramsay in a new light.

“ this cant be possible...” Chef Ramsay shouted, “ All my dishes were fantastic yes, and brilliantly prepared. Every possible ingredient was used. They were arranged to be beautiful to the eyes as well as a smorgasboard of pallette to the taste buds. What possibly could you Donkeys have been thinking when you judged Chief Crazy Captain Christo's Sea Bass Filet Mignon and Oysters over Pumpkin Avocado Buffalo Burgers” Chef Ramsay stormed off the set of the now infamous “Pacific Omaha, Omaha Pacific” challenge or PO-OP challenge.

The judges were unanimous in their admiration for Chief Crazy Captain Christo's dish and were surprised to find out that his dish was really just made out of a carved pumpkin. In short, every last judge asked Chief Crazy Captain Christo how the Hell he pulled off the Greatest upset in the land of Milk and Honey using only a Pumpkin. Here is C.C.C.Christo's response:

....” to all the Good Judges who make it a point to sell their brand of entertainment to the world. My secret ingredient was ......”

All the judges, including Rob Zombie, leaned forward to hear the secret to C.C.C.Christo's successful win over Chef Gordon Ramsay,

“ My secret ingredient is and always has been you Jack Asses,

Art O' Fisher Fillet Vo-Rings.”

It took a while for the hoots and the hoot owls to simmer down but when they finally did and they always do, Chief Crazy Captain Christo walked off the stage and gave each of the judges a freshly cut pumpkin rind in the shape of a G.

So as the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo skateboarded back to his trailer in the park, he stopped to admire the sunsetting as plain as day and exhaled, “ Maybe next time I'll answer the judges the proper way and say something like,

My secret ingredient has been to imitate Ol Chef GORDO, beat him to the punch line,

and exclaim My secret ingredient is and has always been the Jackal Lantern, the Jack O' Lantern

and forevermore the Donkey ho-tay.

Stay tuned when Chief Crazy Captain Christo invites Chef Gordon Ramsay and family to a council meeting to take place sometime in the year 2010 to discuss plans to build Twelve new restaurants around a rock and roll , sports, medicine, movie and of course the Great Pumpkin Letters menu will be delivered to Chef Ramsay if he shows up. Actually, if Chef Ramsay shows up the menu is blank so if he wants to keep the blankety blankety blank out of his dialogue for one hour, we can proceed to design the first seven star restaurant in the history of the Milky Way.

United States Congress 2010: An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

March 11th 2010
Author Christo Strom

This next blog post is a re-issue from 2009. Used with full permission
and full on the meaning will be clear. The other site that this was posted
on was over at a great Article Marketing site called
SOOPER ARTICLES. You can find it by clicking and searching for
Author Christo Strom. At the end of today's post please be sure
to read the P.S. S. ( Pumpkin Script Salutation!)

U.S. CONGRESS: FORT YOU AND YOUR A.I.G: An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo woke up on Halloween 2009 in Minnesota and declared that the United States Congress needs a good ass whoopin. So without sparing the rod, here comes their A.I.G on a silver platter. America, get ready for THE TRUTH TO BE TOLD. Without further ado I give you the letter to wake up a snoring elected mass of idiots. You've all been asleep and you would not believe me.

Dear John F. of Patmos,

Randy Moss is playing well for your beloved Patriots. Meanwhile back at the ranch, your brethren in Congress are busy flopping like crappie on the deck of a ship. Oh well, this CAPTAIN will sweep them overboard and they will find out that Noah's Rage still lives. They have a health plan that is like 4 trillion words long and would take a super computer about one light year to read so I have pretty much written them off as hmm how to put this mildly; a scattered bunch of overpaid windbags that couldn't save a sinking ship if their life depended on it. If I could get real for a minute with you John, my faithful servant, I just would like to tell you how much I still appreciate the work you did. Yeah, besides the Moonshine days, I still love ya. I do have a favor to ask of you though John, so please listen closely. Your brother Ted recently passed as well as Patrick, Michael and Farrah. Welcome your brothers and sisters home. Tell Big J that Chief Crazy Captain Christo has been receiving the message of Faith Hope and Love earnestly and has declared that Omaha Nebraska would be a great place to start building something of TRUE VALUE. I will need some help with the final design and implementation of this building project. Tell Big J that the little girl will get her THEA-TREE HOUSE and I will not waver or faulter on my mission. Please clear a path for me and keep me safe ok? Hope this letter finds you in GOOD HEALTH.

Now John, please tell Big J that I will handle Congress with my own A.I.G. Plan. Let me try it out on you first and you can let me know what you think alrighty then, here goes nothing:

ATTENTION: UNITED STATES CONGRESS 2009

SEEK SHELTER

SEEK SHELTER FROM ( and now this is---)

KEY

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

That is all I have written so far John what do you think? Do you think the overpaid windbags on Capitol Hill can read a simple yet straightforward message. Yeah I didn't think so either. They would probably debate for three years on what I was trying to say. Oh well, I think I'll go now. I hear the doorbell and the trick or treaters are here. Hey do you guys celebrate Halloween up there John. It is probably my favorite holiday besides let's see Thansksgiving, Independence Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Presidents Day, Canada Boxing Day, Valentines Day, Boss Day, Secretary's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, National Crazy Horse Day, Easter, Super Bowl 44 2010, let's see did I leave any holiday out? Whoap gotta go, the trick or treaters are here. Oh wow there's an Obama Thriller costume, a Scary Spice girl and hey it looks like a ghost with twelve holes cut in the costume. Hey it's the REAL Charlie Brown, way to go Brownie here have a rock. Thanks for staying in tune with me John. Now if you wouldn't mind telling Pigpen and Jim Morrision that yes I haven't forgot ten their tunes either. I got big plans for the future if I can just get past 2012. Say a prayer John!

Later Prez, and as always Respectfully in Truth,

The O-Range Blob of Light(ning),

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

P.S. ( Pumpkin Script) Give Thanks and Praise America the Beautiful!!!!!!!

P.S.S. ( Pumpkin Script Salutation) Since it is now 2010, I thought I would

add a GET READY for Americans to witness the sheer power of

what CHIEF CRAZY CAPTAIN CHRISTO has in store.

Can you say " JAW DROPPING AWESOMENESS"

Stay tuned and Congress 2010 - Omaha Nebraska Click Here

Sarah Palin: Sarah's Palindrome-An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

March Ninth 2010
Author Christo Strom

This is a reprint from an article I had published at
SOOPER ARTICLES. It will be part of the Foreword
of a series of letters that are now being called
THE GREAT PUMPKIN LETTERS.
Since I wrote this last year, Sarah Palin has written
a book, resigned as Governor of Alaska and is busy
making speeches like at The Tea Party convention
in Tennessee. I still think she should introduce me
someday and perhaps go one on one with me
Chief Crazy Captain Christo, in a bball game.
What say you Mrs. Palin. Are you up for a game?

Here is the Pumpkin Letter Enjoy!

Sarah Palin: Sarah's Palindrome- An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo became intrigued with Sarah Palin long before she lost her last name of Heath. You could say their paths have been intertwined as far back as 1982 and yet they have never met. Until the year 2010 came along. Let's just unwind the clock back to 2008 and the meteoric rise that is known as “ Sarah's Smile”( Author's note: Smile is to be construed as : St. Paul's meteorepublican in Limelight xcel energy) .

It was 2008 and the media attention on both the Democratic and Republican National Conventions was business as usual. It seems Denver had a relativley mild convention compared to the Ruckus known as the RNC in St. Paul. With protesters and mudslingers hiding in the open streets of St. Paul, Chief Crazy Captain Christo thought it more appropriate to learn some tunes on the guitar. After playing the old beast till his fingers bled, the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo heard the thunderous roar of a crowd cheering for someone he had never heard of before. Who is Sarah Palin and wow! Instant hook line and sinker! The wheels of his mind went into turbo charge mode and he said,” She's going to introduce ME someday.”

Chief Crazy Captain Christo darted off to his secluded hide a way and within minutes he drew up a map and then drew up the plans for the speech that Mrs. Palindrome would deliver in O-O-O-MAHA.

You see Sarah Palin deserves better treatment and C.C.C.Christo knows how to deliver. Fast forward to the year 2009 and pay close attention. In just two hours after her meeting with Paul Teutul,Sr. from

Orange County Choppers, Sarah Palin was visited by Chief Crazy Captain Christo. Bathed in an Orange Blob of Light, Sarah was FRIGHTENED. The Light spoke to Sarah like this: ( Author's note: for this conversation Sarah Palin is shown as SAPA, ryhmes with ZAPPA.

O-Range Blob of Light- “ I have seen your work and it is GOOD! Meet me in Omaha on July 9^th 2010 and we shall discuss plans for building a BRIDGE-O.”

SAPA:” HO NO! Not me buddy! I'm done with the Bridge to Nowhere jokes and such. I've got other plans with my life. Count me out! Hey who are you and how did you get past Todd?

O-Range Blob of Light- “ I souped up his Arctic Cat and he's off racing around Alaska! “

SAPA- “ Great! Well you know what they say when the Cat's a way. What can I do you for? What's your name and what's with the Orange glowing light you are shining?

O-Range Blob of Light-” My name is Chief Crazy Captain Christo and the Orange light you are seeing is just Moons over Miami. I shine this light when I feel a big win coming at the Super Bowl.”

SAPA-” Oh yeah well I would have thought it was for a basketball game. Did you know I used to play ball up here in Alaska? State champs in 82 Baby!~”

O-Range Blob of Light-” ...errr uhhh yeahhh! That is kind of why I am up here. You see, there is a little girl who will never have the opportunity you did Sarah. If I could have your support in this important matter, you could be the Hero once again. I need your influence and charisma to channel the right people to get involved. I have designed a 7.200 seat, handicapped accessible arena. I call it a “ Thea-Tree House” but it is way more than that. I am going to unveil the plans in 2010 and would really appreciate it if you could lend your support. It is kind of elaborate and will cost a pretty penny. I am kind of short on time to explain it but do you understand where I am coming from?”

SAPA-” Let me get this straight. You want me to bring the big money supporters together for a Thea Tree House” For a little girl? 7,200 seat ...... Count me in! Hey Chief Crazy Captain Christo, what about the title of this letter. Where's the Palindrome?”

O-Range Blob of Light-” Even though that would be an excellent name for the Thea Tree House, your Palindrome Sarah is “ ReppeR” It is pronounced with rolling your tongue at the first and last R's. Whoa look at the time. I gotta go vroom now so . Sorry to RUSH IN on ya but time is a valuable commodity.”

And out the door he went. Leaving only a hint of what is to come, Chief Crazy Captain Christo smiled and said,

“ I wonder if Sharon Osbourne would help as well!”

Stay tuned for more releases of The Great Pumpkin Letters!

Senator Al Franken: An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

March Eighth 2010
Author Christo Strom

This next blog post was reprinted with permission from The Author
( Hey That's me!!) It was originally posted on an article marketing site
SOOPER ARTICLES

Before I begin, I would just like to say to all in Public Office, you are
under oath and if I catch you in a lie, it would be best to resign because
I am Chief Crazy Captain Christo and I am THE TRUTH.

One last thing, there is an ELEPHANT in America and it aint Republican.
There is an ASS in America and it aint Democratic Donkey.
Pay attention to THE TRUTH and you will never go wrong again!

Ok with that being said on with the reprint of Senator AL Franken
D.-MN

This a copy of an actual letter from The Great Pumpkin Letters. The author states that he wishes it to become reality by Christmas 2009, with the actual game to be played in October 2010. Please read this with a sense of urgency and a sense of humor. The actual game will be organized around Jan 1 2010 to July 9^th 2010.

SENATOR AL FRANKEN D.MN: Read this to your Senator Friends and Read it backwards to Bob Weir:) Dear ALL, ( sorry the L on my keyboard got stuck)

My name is The Great Pumpkin and I am on a mission. Chief Crazy Captain Christo is a character in a screen play based on the greatest character ever created by one of St. Paul's finest, Charles Schultz.

“ When the Chief gets Crazy” is Chief Crazy Captain Christo's calling card or in layman's term his call to action.

The reason I am writing to you Mister Senator Al Franken is this: Hey I know you are going to be in Minnesota on October 3^rd and I may even show up to show my support for Rebecca Otto , State Auditor or in my case as a line from Ramble on Rose:

“ Just like Crazy Otto...” ,

But Al pay attention here. I am going to make you and Rebecca Otto earn my support. Quite Frankly, I am tired of seeing or hearing about Billions of dollars going to Insurance Companies. “When the Chief Gets Crazy”! Now I was going to give around one hundred dollars to the cause you are attending but whatever, right Al? I'll up the ante to a whopping three hundred dollars if you will answer three questions for me. ( Authors note: Here is where you have to use your imagination and imagine Chief Crazy Captain Christo interviewing Senator Al Franken in person)

C.C.C.Christo- Ok Al , I'll set the ground rules: Every question I ask you must answer back

using the words “ That would be....” For example, if I asked you the question what song did the Grateful Dead play on Saturday Night Live where Bob Weir was wearing Rabbit Ears, you answer me with the words ,” That would be... Casey Jones” Got it Al?

Sen. Franken nods his head and grins and grimaces at the same time. That is hard to do!

C.C.C.Christo- Ok Al ,and lastly, each answer after you state “That would be” is a one word answer. So each word is worth one hundred dollars. Casey Jones was just to throw you off track! Ok, here we go. First question: What character did John Belushi hate to play on Saturday Night Live. Remember Al to only use one word and the word has to be singular.

Sen Franken-” That would be Bee”

C.C.C.Christo- “Excellent Al. One hundred dollars to the Good Senator from Minnesota. Ok , next question: What answer did Jerry Garcia give to a punch line to one of his jokes on youtube? This is a little tougher than the last one and remember Al it has to be singular.

Sen Franken- “That would be Bee.”

C.C.C.Christo-”Wow! Two hundred dollars so far Al. Ok, last question: This is for all the marbles so I won't keep you In the Dark any longer. Here is The three hundred dollar question- “ If Americans had their choice, which choice would they eliminate between these two sayings :

I want to own the American Dream

I want to rent the American Dream

Remember Al, it has to be a one word answer,

Sen. Franken, laughing hysterically because he knows the answer replies,

“ That would be RENT”

So in conclusion Chief Crazy Captain Christo and Senator Al Franken shared a good laugh, listened to WE CAN RUN by BEE BEE RENT and Senator Al Franken agreed to use the three hundred dollars to buy one top of the line leather basketball to give to the Obama children at Christmas time. Next up in Chief Crazy Captain Christo's sight is Governor Tim Pawlenty R.MN. Stay tuned

RESPECTFULLY IN TRUTH

CHIEF CRAZY CAPTAIN CHRISTO

P.S. ( that's Pumpkin Script) Since Al Franken was helping the Sandbaggers up north, March 7th 2010
I will be doing something special for Senator Al Franken. Only because it would be the
right thing to do. Thank you Al Franken.

Ivanka Trump: A Damn Ivanka-Great Pumpkin Letters

March 6th 2010
THREE SIX ( No Coin SA Dents allowed!)

Author Christo Strom

aka
Chief Crazy Captain Christo
O-Range Blob of Light
Munko Christo
and tons of other goofy characters
Pay attention

This next excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters was originally posted on an
article marketing site ( Soopper Articles dot com!). So it is being reproduced
with complete cooperation from the author. Oh hey that's me Christo Strom!
Enjoy and lastly IVANKA TRUMP I will raise the anchor for you!

Respectfully in Truth,

Chief Crazy Captain Christo

Ok here it is

In this shortened version of The Great Pumpkin Letters, Chief Crazy Captain Christo is confident he will be able to persuade Ivanka Trump to agree to a business proposal. After all, it is not everyday that you are asked to help create a tree house, with said opening of the tree house in the shape of a carved out pumpkin. We interrupt this letter as Chief Crazy Captain Christo musters up the courage of ten Daniels in the Lion's Den. The letter to Ivanka begins:
Where to begin Ivanka? How about from the heart of Chief Crazy Captain Christo to you Ivanka. This is a magical letter with great powers if you know how to read between the lions. I have a business proposal for you from me. Business will blossom and this one will grow over the next 20-24 years to completion. I am looking for a strong business woman who would like to run my " MotherShip". This carries extreme responsibility that can only be described as " The Most Important Tree House Ever to Be Built." I have a guest list that I would like you Ivanka to peruse at your earliest convenience. You see, the guest list is private, and as you can
imagine, by invitation only.
(Author's note: Chief Crazy Captain Christo stopped writing and wondered aloud if Ivanka was going to keep her last name of Trump. You see The Donald's little princess is getting married to Jared Kushner) I would love to tell you all about the project in person, say July 9th 2010 down in Omaha Nebraska. I am trying to pull off a get together with Warren Buffett to help him honor Benjamin Graham. I asked Warren to prepare me a skateboard ramp with three feet of vertical half pipe, with a Dimebag Darrell Electric Razorback Explosiion guitar and an amplifier with a microphone. I am going to put on a show and I have a few surprises up my sleeve. I noticed on the Apprentice that you seemed to like Trace Adkins. I can't promise any of his tunes but I do have a huge respect for him and Country music. My tastes tend to lean more to hard
rock but I am flexible to all ranges of music. The project I would like for you to take charge of is for a little girl. I will fill you in on all the details when we first meet. Like I said before, " I am Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo and I have been guided to this land to meet up with you Ivanka. Of all the people on the Planet, the author of this huge undertaking has picked you
and there are no second or third choices. Just you Ivanka!!!!!!! I will give you time to think about it. Even if the event in Omaha never materializes, the project is still a go. Tell your future husband Jared or by the time you read this Mrs Ivanka Kushner, that he is invited to
participate as well. I don't travel in packs or have photographers hounding me. I walk with a confident swagger and can ice skate and play guitar backwards at the same time. I am a risk taker and I am risking nothing by asking you to take part Ivanka. I do not believe in failure. Please say you will meet with me. The window of opportunity for this project Ivanka is July 9th 2010 to July 9th 2012. After which if you have not agreed in principle, I will shed 31 tears in private and move on to finding someone who will see the magic in this Chief Crazy Captain Christo's HEART. Remember Ivanka, no one has ever seen The Great Pumpkin rise.
You will be given the power to make The Great Pumpkin visible to everyone!
In order for me to know you are serious, The Great One ( as the Great Pumpkin is so fond of reminding me:) has asked me to inform you that you are to go before The United States Congress in Washington D.C. And speak of what I have told you. Tell Congress that Chief Crazy Captain Christo has his own A.I.G. That will speak volumes to unbelievers! To say that there will be a lot of jaws dropping would be an understatement. So in conclusion what say you Ivanka? There's a little girl who is depending on you and me and anyone who wants to volunteer. Are you up to the challenge?
Respectfully in Truth,
Chief Crazy Captain Christo
P.S.( that's Pumpkin Script) Ivanka, tell your Dad that I would be interested in full disclosure of the Tree House with twelve to thirteen "limbs" attached. It would be easier to describe in person and show you some paintings of the actual place. But I want interactive feedback and to be honest a smile from you would be nice. That's it.

Now the Ball is firmly in your court IVANKA TRUMP!!!!!

Thea Andrews : Thea Tree House

Thea Andrews 2010: Thea Tree House -An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Author Christo Strom

Chief Crazy Captain Christo looked up in the sky and then looked at his calendar. Hmm, by the angle of the moon and with the Sun coming up any second now, he noticed it was March 2010. It

happens in threes he mumbled. To no one in particular. So the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo decided the day was drawing nearer. The DAY! It is just a day so remember it happens in threes.

Or in this case Thea Tres ( left one e out and you get a whole other meaning. If you catch my drift. Kind of like a snow drift without the snow. But this one will be a Show drift with a show. Pay attention my good readers!)

In this abbreviated version of The Great Pumpkin Letters, Chief Crazy Captain Christo is starting his real mission in life. You see he is nearing the end of his run on the planet and he wants to leave behind the LEGACY. What legacy you ask? If you have been following The Great Pumpkin Letters you might have noticed a few common threads running through the story. Believe it or not, these letters have been the part before the actual story is to begin. If I am writing this right, they have been the Foreword to the actual book. So without further ado, this is the last letter in the Foreword before the real story begins.

To set the scene up, Chief Crazy Captain Christo is in the process of transforming into The O-Range Blob of Light. Only this time, he is wearing the coolest Hockey mask ever created. To describe it would be like describing the Mona Lisa to a Garbage Collector. It wouldn't make any sense. So use your imagination and picture what the coolest hockey mask on Earth would be and then multiply by infinity. Ok got the picture in your mind. That is how cool it is! After his transformation was

complete, Chief Crazy Captain Christo remembered what Dimebag Darrell said in his eeery visitation.

“ Hey Black Tooth Grinner, I loved hockey!”. So he flew up to Canada to meet with none other than Thea Andrews.

For this shortened conversation, Thea Andrews is going by the name of ALTHEA ( which stands for America Loves Thea, and just coincidentally happens to be a song in the vast Grateful Dead song book)

Chief Crazy Captain Christo is going by the unusual and fascinating name of TYPE ( author's note: Ty Pennington, of Extreme Makeover hit TV show) Chief Crazy Captain Christo is hovering above Thea Andrews, who is a bit frightened but in a good mood, and is giving the performance of his life. So here it is, the conversation between ALTHEA and TYPE. Enjoy!

ALTHEA: “ Wowww! Honey, come quick. There's the coolest apparition I have ever seen. Hovering above me is this O-Range Blob of Light with the coolest hockey mask I have ever seen. I think he is trying to speak.”

TYPE ( authors's note: Chief Crazy Captain Christo can only act like Ty Pennington but sounds nothing like him! For real!): “ Thea Andrews, you have been selected to be the only person on THE PLANET

worthy enough for this building project. It has been tentatively named um how do I say this right. It has been tentatively named THEA TREE HOUSE. The project is extremely detailed and involves stuff that you see on my hit TV show Extreme Makeover......”

ALTHEA ( laughing hysterically): “ Woah, stop right there, hahahahaha, you aren't Ty Pennington. You don't sound anything like him. Who are you and what are you talking about a Thea Tree House. You know I have lawyers and anything with my name on it has to be pre-approved.”

TYPE:” Very well Thea, you caught me. My name is Chief Crazy Captain Christo and I am on a mission. It involves building a Thea Tree House for a little American girl who will need our help in the future. It is an extremely complicated building process but is extremely easy to explain. What I am asking you THEA ANDREWS is to accept the position of Entertainment Hostess for when we open up the doors to this place sometime in 2015 , earlier if I get extreme cooperation. The actual name of the place is being withheld for obvious reasons. Don't worry, it won't be named Thea Tree House cause I know all about lawyers and such. But I will say this THEA. You will kick yourself for the rest of your life if you don't come check this out. So I am asking on bended knee ( author's note: The O-Range Blob of Light with the coolest Hockey mask lowered himself down and was kneeling on both knees!)

Thea Andrews, will you please help me out and show up between the dates of July 9^th 2010 and July 9^th 2012. Down in Omaha Nebraska at a place to be determined by following along. Since I doubt you have been reading the Great Pumpkin Letters, I'll catch you up to speed. I only hang out in Minnesota, Nebraska and Colorado. Although my reputation takes me everywhere! Will you please help me out?”

ALTHEA: “ On one condition Chief Crazy Captain Christo”

TYPE: “ What's that Thea?”

ALTHEA: “ I will do my best to show up if you leave me the Hockey Mask”

All of a sudden there were earthquakes and lightning strikes and the sound of Thundering Tornados ripping through Thea Andrews home. This lasted for seven minutes. When it was over, Thea Andrews looked on the ground and there it was

ALTHEA: “ That was impressive Chief Crazy 'Captain Christo.” But he was no where to be found. He did as he was told and left Thea Andrews the coolest Hockey mask on the Planet. Stay tuned everyone. The foreword of The Great Pumpkin Letters is now complete. Next up the STORY you have all been waiting for. At least I bet Rob Zombie has been waiting for. The meeting of Chief Crazy Captain Christo and Alice Cooper! It is going to be a rip roaring spectacle when a professional shock rocker meets the amateur that well you'll just have to wait and see now won't you!

Zakk Wylde 2010: The Cry of the Wylde!!!

February 24th 2010
Author Christo Strom

This Great Pumpkin Letter goes out for Black Label Society fans,
band members, Barbaranne Wylde, and of course the Zakkster.
May you ROCK FOREVER EVERYONE!!!

Zakk Wylde 2010: Cry of the Wylde- An Excerpt from The Great Pumpkin Letters

Chief Crazy Captain Christo decided in 2009 that this would be the Year of The Great Pumpkin

2010. So all you sleigh riders and jingle bell jinglers can step aside this year. 2010 here we are and here we are going to rock. Without pissing off the Pope, I give you the most important Pumpkin Letter ever written ( to date there are a little over thirty if you are counting:). This is titled Cry of the Wylde but it could very well have been titled The Blessed P-RIDE. So without wasting any more time, let's rock!

Now to set this scene up, I am using Zakk Wylde's Orange and Black Buzzsaw guitar ( my personal favorite!) on a half pipe skateboard ramp with three feet of vertical and a brass slide. I am practicing my Off the lip into the fire hole dancing skateboard maneuver while trying to play the lead to Gary Rossington's FREE BIRD. It is actually hard to do and I have yet to pull this one off. For this conversation, Chief Crazy Captain Christo is disguised as The Blessed Orange Wood or BOW for you shorties out there. And Zakk Wylde is having his name changed to kWy. It is a bold move for Chief Crazy Captain Christo to call Zakk kWy but that is why he is the Good Chief Crazy Captain Christo.

OK now on with the show. Enter Zakk Wylde

kWy: Hey Chief Crazy Captain Christo, you pissed off the Pope again!”

BOW: What?( Rob Zombie's song Thumpin in Chief Crazy Captain Christo's ear phones)

I can't here you Zakk.

kWy: I said you pissed off the Pope again! The Pope was pissed that you sided with Americans

and that Rome could go suck an egg! He wants an apology before midnight tonight or else he said he was going to send over the ROMAN candles that you sent him.”

BOW: The Pope says he wants me to apologize before midnight tonight? Hey Zakk what day is it today?”

kWy:” It's January 14^th , 2010”

BOW:” Let's see. What is so special about this day. Don't tell me Zakk let me guess.”

kWy: “ It's....”

But before Zakk could finish the sentence Chief Crazy Captain Christo blurted out

BOW: “ I know it was the day Ozzy pissed on the Alamo down in San Antonio which was kind of a freudian slip on Ozzy's part since Tony Iommi is mentioned in another Pumpkin Letter. Am I right Zakk?”

Dejected, Zakk slumped his shoulders as if a terrible weight was thrust on them and he slouched toward the door. A tiny tear developed on Zakk's left eye and was about to fall when out of the blue and over Zakk's right shoulder came floating on the wind the immortal words of Chief Crazy Captain Christo.....

BOW: “HAPPY ORANGE LABEL YELLER BACK IN BLACK LABEL ETERNAL.”

Zakk Wylde's emotions got the best of him. He turned around and looked. A sight for sore eyes beheld a sight he would never forget. There on the skateboard ramp was Chief Crazy Captain Christo holding a picture of Dimebag.

BOW: “ Happy Birthday Zakk. What you did for Darrell there are no words from me that could show as much respect or appreciation. So today on your birthday, let's finish the job for Darrell. Will you help me organize a little get together down in Dallas on say Super Bowl Sunday in Dallas? I am writing you in advance because I want you and Rob Zombie and Everyone you guys deem worthy of what I would call THE GREATEST ACT OF RESPECT ever assembled. I will put my ASS on the line and help out in any way possible. After all, I am Chief Crazy Captain Christo and I came to Rock and Roll. If this will be my professional debut, then so be it.”

kWy: “ Who are you Chief Crazy Captain Christo? Some kind of God or something?”

BOW: “ No quite the contrary. I am a blessed Halloween Knight and I will not apologize to the Pope on your birthday Zakk. He is going to have to wait in line like everyone else. Now listen here Zakk, we have no time to lose.”

This has been another abbreviated version of The Great Pumpkin Letters. Stay tuned for more in 2010!